“But I’m old enough to take care of myself while you’re gone,” Kendra said. “I promise I won’t even leave the trailer. I can even feed myself. You’ve seen me. I can make cereal and sandwiches – I can even cook eggs and bacon, you’ve seen me, and I can make a grilled cheese sandwich, too. And soup, I can make soup. I’d be fine if you weren’t here.”
Anna sighed. It was a discussion that came up frequently. Kendra wanted some independence, some control over her own life. She wanted to prove that she could take care of herself, if only for a little while.
“Okay, look,” Anna said. “We’ll see. Okay? Maybe it would be okay to leave you here for a little while sometime. But that’s not a definitive yes. We’ll see.”
“But that’s what you always say,” Kendra said. She sounded frustrated.
“Your breakfast is getting cold,” Anna said as she sat down with her own breakfast.
Kendra chewed a mouthful of pancake, gulped it down, then said, “You always say ‘we’ll see, we’ll see,’ – so when, Mommy? When do we get to see?”
Anna sighed as she poured syrup over her pancakes. How could she argue with that? Kendra was right. She said “we’ll see” a lot – Kendra had every right to be sick of hearing it. Anna had never heard that when she was a girl. Her parents were more the “shut up,” “go to your room,” and “You want me to hit you again?” type and had none of the gentility or basic good nature of a “we’ll see.” At least Kendra would never hear any of those things. If “we’ll see” was the worst thing Anna ever said to Kendra, she was doing okay.
“I’ll tell you what,” Anna said. “Next time the temp agency calls on me, I’ll seriously consider it. Okay?”
Kendra beamed. Her eyes grew wide, as did her smile.
“Thank you, Mommy!” Kendra said, her voice breathy. It was an important victory for her, and it took her a moment to absorb it. During that moment, her face held a childlike glow that almost concealed her true age. Almost. There was no concealing those breasts, those legs.
Anna noticed men staring when they went to the Safeway for groceries – not boys Kendra’s age, but middle-aged men with wives and kids. Oh, sure, other teenagers noticed her, too, but that was natural. But mostly, Anna noticed the grown men. Something came up in their eyes as they looked at her. Like some creature rising up out of the deep shadows of a moonlit forest, this thing rose up in their eyes and first widened, then narrowed them. Sometimes the men licked their lips without seeming to realize it. Maybe the jaw jutted a bit, or the chest puffed up and the gut sucked in as a deep breath was inhaled. While their heads usually remained facing front, their eyes – their darkened eyes with that new thing in them – followed Kendra. Sometimes the men were bold in watching her pass, as if they didn’t give a damn if their wives saw them do it. They all reacted a little differently – but they all had the same look on their faces, in their eyes. They were hungry animals, hungry for her daughter’s flesh. That darkness that rose up in their eyes was the malignant onyx-flash of lust. Their eyes dwelled on her breasts, her ass, her legs. Some hungered for her individual parts, others for her whole body.
Anna remembered a time when men looked at her that way, and she’d liked it. If Kendra were a normal sixteen-year-old girl, she wouldn’t be so concerned. But she was a little girl with a big handicap – that face, that body. Those parts.
Anna could almost hear the camera-click of their minds snapping pictures of Kendra, of those parts, taking mental pictures that could be pored over in their minds later.
That was why she was so wary of leaving Kendra home alone. She was so vulnerable. There were some shady people living in the Riverside Mobile Home Park. Of course, shady as they were, none of those people had ever been any trouble, and there was no reason to think they would be. She was just making excuses, she knew that.
Kendra deserved a little independence.
“Mommy, can I have a little doggy?” Kendra said.
Anna chuckled. “You’re full of demands this morning, aren’t you?”
“Demands?” Kendra said, her eyebrows rising high.
“Nothing. A little doggy?”
“Yeah, like Marc’s.”
They ate as they talked. Sometimes Anna sipped her coffee.
“You should call him Mr. Reznick.”
Kendra shrugged. “He told me to call him Marc.”
“Oh? When?”
“This morning. I was talking to him outside.”
“Oh. Well, if he wants you to call him Marc, then I guess it’s okay. You like his dog, huh?”
“Oh, Conan is such an adorable little doggy! Can’t I have one, please? He’d be able to keep me company when you leave me alone here.”
Kendra laughed. “You’re very ambitious this morning.”
“Ambitious?”
“That means you’re covering a lot of ground. First you want me to leave you here alone, then you want a little dog, and somehow, you manage to successfully tie the two together. Kendra, I think you should go into advertising.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, you’d be a big hit.”
Kendra laughed, even though she wasn’t entirely sure what her mother meant.
Anna finished her breakfast. Her purse hung from the back of her chair. She reached into it and removed her cheap GNC cigarettes and a lighter, and she lit one up.
“Well, Kendra,” she said, “if you had a dog, no matter how little he was, he’d have to be fed and watered every day. He would have to get plenty of love. And you would be responsible for all that. You’d have to house train him, if he isn’t already, and you’d have to clean up after all his little accidents.”
Again, Kendra’s eyebrows rose high, this time with excitement. “Oh, I would, I would. I’d take good care of him, and I’d do everything.”
“Hm. Well, I wouldn’t mind having a little dog in the house myself. It’s been a long time since I had a pet around. I miss it.”
Kendra’s fork dropped onto her plate with a sharp clatter and she clapped her hands together rapidly a few times. “Oh, yaaay!” she said. “Thank you so much, Mommy! Can we get one today?”
“Today?” Anna said, smoke fluttering out of her mouth and nose. “Well, as far as a dog goes, we’ll – “ She stopped herself. She’d been about to say, We’ll see. “We have to run some errands today. We’ll stop by the Haven Humane Society and see if we can find a little doggy to take home.”
Nine
Dressed in a dark blue suit with a red-and-black tie, Reznick left the trailer, locked the door, and carried his briefcase to his car. His father had always told him to wear a suit when he worked, no matter what he did. He should always look his best, the old man always said.
Reznick got in the car and started the engine. He started to back out but stepped on the brake because a white pickup truck was coming along the narrow road. It drove past him and around the loop to the other side. Reznick backed out and went around the loop. The pickup truck stopped at unit seventeen. Reznick left the trailer park.
He was in the Yellow Pages and the White Pages. He wondered if he should blow some money on advertising. Maybe in the newspaper. Things couldn’t go on like this much longer. Something had to change. He was actually putting reading material in his briefcase so he’d have something to do at the office. He had two novels in his briefcase – a Larry McMurtry and a Stephen King. He’d probably get through the McMurtry by lunch, if it was like most days. The King book was four times the size of McMurtry’s and would take more time.