I said nothing, just sitting there on the floor opposite her. Every fiber of my being yearned to touch her and be with her. I could feel the gulf opening in my chest and felt like my heart was being ripped in two.
She pulled her gun out of the waistband of her pants where it’d been hidden all night. She held it limply in one hand and used the other to trace circles in the iron. She tore her eyes away from mine and just stared at the gun.
I stared at her in horror, comprehension beginning to blossom in my brain.
Still not looking at me she said simply, “I love you, Dukey. You know that, right?”
I nodded, my mouth dry. She couldn’t hear a nod. I cleared my throat and whispered, “Yes, Fannie Mae, I know that. I love you, too. I’m sorry I wasted all this time with you right next to me. We could have had so much.”
She looked up at me, her eyes blazing. “Don’t you say that, Duke! Don’t you even think it! We had this weekend and even with all the pain and the horrors and everything else we’ve experienced, that can be enough. We packed years worth of love into the past 24 hours. And that has to be enough. I knew what it felt like to finally have you return my love and for us to be what we were meant to be.”
“Fannie Mae, I’m sorry -.”
She cut me off. “Never say that! Never! Never apologize or feel sorry for what happened here. We had enough love to last a lifetime. I want you to live, Duke. Survive this somehow and get away from the Acres and forget all this and just live. Can you promise me that?”
I nodded, but that wasn’t enough for her. “Promise me, Duke!”
I whispered through dry, cracked lips. “I promise, Fannie Mae.”
“Good,” she said, smiling. “I can live with that.”
Then she raised the gun to her chin, tears streaming down her face, smiling at me gently, and pulled the trigger.
22.
An empty, hollow click echoed through the small living room.
“Oh, fuck!” She cried out as she lobbed through the gun through the room. It hit the wall next to me with a thud and bounced on the floor. She burst into tears, putting her head in her hands. Her shoulders shook uncontrollably as she sobbed. I got to my knees and started to scoot in her direction.
“Stop!” She looked at me fiercely. “Do not come any closer, Dukey. I can feel the change coursing through me. I can feel myself dying, for God’s sake. Don’t come closer, please. I’m begging you. I don’t want to eat you.”
I froze, torn between her orders and my own feelings. Finally I settled back against the couch. Waves of sorrow poured through me and I wanted to scream and cry and run over to her and hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right and save her and live happily ever after with her.
But that was a pipe dream.
Her face was drawn and pale, all color gone. The bite in her arm was the only color on her body. It shone brightly in the darkness of the room and I could see that the bleeding had finally stopped. She licked her lips trying to get moisture back on them but tongue was dry. The cracks in her lips gaped wider and I knew that blood should have been seeping out, but it wasn’t.
“You need to shoot me, Dukey,” she said softly, slowly.
I shook my head. “I can’t do that, Fannie Mae. You can’t ask me that.”
She tried to smile at me, but all it did was make the split in her lip even wider. Tears of blood began seeping from the corners of her eyes. I choked back a sob. “You need to do it, Duke. And now. I can, can feel,” she stopped and rubbed her stomach, “hunger. I’ve never been this hungry before.” Her words came out in a rush, in a soft growl, “I can feel my brain dying and my thoughts are beginning to leak away. All I want to do is eat and eat and eat.” She laughed. “I can smell you, Dukey. Smell your sweat and feel your heat and I can see how alive you are.”
Her eyes rolled wildly in their sockets. They would stop to rest on me and then start rolling again as she looked around. I had no words for her.
Her whole body started to shake, tremors raging wildly. “Please, Dukey. Don’t let me become this. I can’t, don’t, want to be this. Don’t let me un-die.”
I unwillingly picked up the shotgun. My hands were trembling and I couldn’t bring it to bear. The horror gnawing at my gut was almost too much. I thought I might pass out but then the butt of the shotgun rubbed against my bandage and a wave of pain passed through me. It brought everything back to stark reality and I could see her sniffing at the air as blood began soaking through the bandage. I slowly, ever so slowly, pulled in the catch and cocked the shotgun.
Fannie Mae had her feet drawn up to her chest and her hands resting palm up on her knees. Her whole body was shaking like a leaf and her breaths were coming in quick gasps of air. She shook her head up and down several times, hanging it between her legs and then staring up at me. She was breathing faster and faster. She tried to speak but all that came out was gurgles. She couldn’t find the words but I could see them on her face.
I stood up and closed the distance between us. She shook her head wildly at me, trying to tell me to get away. Then, suddenly, all sounds ceased. Her breath left her in a great whoosh of air and her arms fell to her sides, hitting the floor with a sickening thud. I leveled the shotgun at the side of her head.
Her finger twitched.
Still I waited.
It twitched again, turning over and reaching out for my foot. Waves of cold rippled over me and I shook spastically . I cried out, “God help me,” and braced the shotgun on my hip. I pulled the trigger.
I didn’t miss.
The next amount of time was a blur for me. To this day I couldn’t tell you if it was only five minutes, an hour or three hours until I came back to myself. I have a blank spot in my memory after I pulled that trigger. I thank God or whatever powers there may be out there for taking that away from me. I pulled the trigger. I didn’t miss. The roar of the shotgun filled my ears and the fire from the barrel lit the room and then everything went black.
When I came back to myself I was curled on the floor back by the couch, facing away from Fannie Mae. I shuddered at the thought, but I had to make myself turn and look. I breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently I’d covered her with a blanket when I was out. I had no desire to go over there and uncover her. Blood and other stuff was splattered all over the floor and walls. I hadn’t been too industrious I guess.
I sat there on the floor until the sun came up, shining brightly through the windows. The sky was clear of clouds and it looked like the storm had finally passed. It was Sunday, October 26, and I was alone. All my friends in the world were dead. My mom was dead. God knows where my dad was. Tamara, the girl I thought I’d been in love with, was dead. I’d realized that my love for her had been nothing but a little puppy love and found what true love was with Fannie Mae. Then I’d had to blow her brains all over her living room floor.
I gazed out the window and smiled at the rising sun. It truly was a beautiful sight. One of the first sunrises I’d ever stayed up long enough to see. The rays of light came in strong and glorious and played over my face. The heat made the blood rush to my cheeks and my eyes squint. I could feel every fiber of my being yearning to be out there and relish in the sun.