The phone rang, interrupting his thoughts. Part of him contemplated letting it ring, just in case it was that idiot contractor. The other part knew he needed to answer, especially if it was the idiot contractor.
“McClary,” he barked into the receiver.
“Mr. McClary, this is Susan Compton, we spoke last week about the charity benefit you’re throwing this weekend.”
Killian nodded, even though she couldn’t see it. “Yes, hello Ms. Compton. What can I do for you?”
“I’m just calling to inform you that everything has been organized. We’ve sold a little over nine hundred tables and the botanical garden is set for the big day. I do have a few questions regarding catering and if you would like anything special served, but otherwise, we’re well ahead of the game.”
Killian never once doubted the woman’s abilities to throw a successful charity event together at the drop of a hat. She was the best in her field and her lengthy cliental list spoke for itself. But he really wished she would phone Frank. He had more patience.
“Call whoever you think would do the best job and I have no specific requests.” He rapped his pen on the desk. “If you have any further questions, you can contact—”
“I won’t,” Susan assured him. “As I said, we’re all finished with everything else. I will see you at the event, Mr. McClary. Have a wonderful week.”
With that, she hung up.
Resisting the urge to gouge his fingertips into his temples, Killian set the phone down and faced Frank.
“Can you locate my dinner tux and make sure it’s ready for this weekend? Also, bring me those files I requested. I’d like to go over them again before I have that meeting with the head of—”
His phone rang again and he cursed.
It wasn’t anything new. It had been a steady rotation of calls and meetings, when he wasn’t writing, signing or reading over a contract, form, or whatever else that needed his life signed away. The whole thing was a mess, but it kept him going. It kept him occupied. There were times he stayed up for days at a time, bringing himself to the brink of exhaustion before falling face down on the bed. Any other way would have him lying there, staring at the empty space next to him and wishing things he had no right wishing for. Nearly killing himself seemed to be the only way to get any rest, even if it was restless and plagued by all the wrongs in his world.
It was dinner time when Maraveet returned home. Killian didn’t ask her where she’d been, but she found her way into his office as he was finishing up the last of the tax forms for the previous year. She wore a black dress over black leggings and brown boots. Her hair bounced around her shoulders like flames. She stalked to his desk and stopped to glower down at him.
“Are you done now?” she demanded.
Killian sighed. “Why is it so important I finish?”
Maraveet’s green eyes narrowed. “Because I’ve had this crazy notion of actually seeing you before I leave.”
“Leave?” Killian rose. “Leave where?”
“Oh, do you care now?”
“Don’t be a shit, Mar. I haven’t got the patience.”
Maraveet huffed. “You know what? I don’t think I’ll tell you. You clearly know everything already. But I won’t stick around to be ignored by you either. So, goodbye and good luck.”
“Mar, wait.” He rounded the desk before she could storm off. “I’m sorry, all right? I’ve got a lot on my mind lately.”
Her face softened. “Juliette.”
He didn’t bother denying it. “Yes, but not entirely.”
Maraveet sighed heavily. “Then why don’t you go talk to her? Get her back. I know she misses you.”
Something in that sent a spike through his chest.
“Have you spoken to her?” He knew he shouldn’t ask and yet he needed to know. “Is she all right?”
“No, she’s not.”
His heart dropped into his stomach like a stone and was picked at by the bubbling acid. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“How could you not know? You’re not really so blind, are you, little brother?”
“Damn it, Maraveet! Just tell me.”
Her look was pitying and slightly disgusted. “She’s in love with an absolute moron. It’s any wonder she’s so heartbroken. She keeps hoping you’ll come to your senses and pick her over this life that you don’t even belong in and you never do.” She folded her arms. “She’s dating you know. She’s seeing this handsome fellow named Randy.”
He turned away and headed back to his desk. “Why do I need to hear this?”
“Because, you idiot, you’re going to lose her if you don’t get your fat head out of your ass! This Randy person is nice and all that, but he’s not you and that’s who she wants.”
Killian stopped and glowered at her from over his shoulder. “You’ve got problems, you know that? For years you’ve been telling me to keep away from people, to never fall in love, to never let myself be happy. When I finally listen, you’re telling me I should drag Juliette back to this nightmare and put her in danger all over again. I can’t honestly decide whether you hate me or her.”
“I don’t hate either of you!” she cried. “I love you both is why I’m here. You haven’t been the same since she left. Honestly, I hate this person you’ve become. You’re arrogant and selfish, and worse, you’re bitter. My brother, no matter what, had always been kind and wonderful and always thinking of others. Now, you’re just an asshole behind a fancy desk.”
He whirled around, his temper clashing with the pain prickling at his temples. “What do you want from me, eh? You can’t seem to make up your bloody mind!”
“I want you to be happy!” she screamed back at him, her cheeks red with exertion. “I want you not to be here anymore. I want you to give up this life that isn’t yours. You don’t belong here, Killian. You never belonged. Your mother knew that. Do you think she would want you to lock yourself in here day after day, night after night, killing yourself for nothing? She wanted you to be happy. She wanted grandchildren. She wanted you to find your fairytale and you have. You found Juliette. She’s the one meant for you and you’re pushing her away.”
“I almost lost her,” he reminded her, fighting to keep his voice in check. “I came so fucking close, Mar.”
“I know, but—”
“No, you don’t. You have no idea how much I hate this. You have no idea how badly I want her back, or the things I would happily do to make it happen. I miss her, Mar. I miss her so much it fucking hurts. But every time I pick up the phone to call her, or even think about having her back, I remember the envelopes. I remember how completely useless and helpless I felt not knowing what they were doing to her. I did that to her. I put her right in their hands and I can’t do that again. I can’t … God, I can’t!” He sagged against his desk and clapped a hand over his burning eyes. “Just let me rot in here. I’d rather die alone and miserable than to live forever knowing she’s not out there.”
“Fine!” Her chin warbled. “But know that I hate you so much right now.”
Spinning on the points of her heels, Maraveet stormed from the room, leaving Killian alone in his misery.
Chapter 32
“Hey, want to hit a movie with me tonight?”
Randy Sawyer smiled at Juliette from across the counter. Anticipation and hope glittered in his blue eyes, giving his beautifully chiseled features an almost boyish glint.
“A movie sounds nice,” Juliette lied, forcing herself to smile. “I’d like that.”
That wasn’t entirely a lie. She liked movies and she liked Randy and sometimes, it was nice to do things she liked that didn’t involve sleeping or walking around her house in her pajamas. The only problem was that she couldn’t bring herself to like-like Randy the way he seemed to like-like her and that made the whole dating thing awkward.