“Thank you!” She called after him, but he was already lost behind the sliding door. She turned her attention forward and found Killian watching her quietly. She offered him a small smile. “This looks delicious,” she murmured, needing to break the silence that had sweltered around them as hot and thick as a balmy July heatwave.
She picked up her knife and fork and cut into the tender meat. The silverware across from her clinked as they were lifted, but not utilized. She popped a bit of meat into her mouth and almost moaned as the seasoned flavor exploded across her tongue in a juicy rush. It took all her restraint not to wolf it all down, screw dignity.
“God, this might actually get you laid!” she blurted.
Killian laughed. “Well, as much as I would like to take credit, I can’t say I had much hand in its preparation.”
“Killian?” Juliette lifted her face. “Can I ask you something?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
“Where’s your sister?” she asked.
“Maraveet isn’t exactly my sister,” he corrected. “She’s more of a self-appointed pain in my ass.”
Juliette chuckled. “Got one of those too, eh?”
Killian snorted. “Our moms were best friends so I was always forced to play with her. Tea parties and dress up … it was a bloody nightmare.”
She had to bite back her laugh. “Not into tea parties and dress up?”
Dark eyes flicked to hers, narrowed with annoyance and a shimmer of amusement. “I think my hatred of tea and frilly dresses stemmed from those hot summer afternoons.”
The laughter burst out of her in a roar she had to stifle behind her hand. The other went to her stomach as her body bowed forward.
“It’s not funny,” he grumbled, his own mouth twitching. “She’d parade me around the manor and chatter on about how many handsome gentlemen would ask us to dance at the ball later that evening.”
Juliette sucked in enough air to ask, “There was a ball?”
“Every fucking night.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes like the memory was forever burned behind his eyelids. “She’d bring out all her dolls and sit them around the room, then she’d make me spin her round and round…”
“I like her,” Juliette decided. “She sounds like fun.”
He lowered his hand. “Demanding, spoiled … stubborn. Dear God she was fucking stubborn.” He paused as a thought came to him. “I am forever surrounded by stubborn women.”
“So, where is she?”
Killian shrugged. “Could be anywhere. I got a text from her a few months back from Paris. I might hear from her again in a week or month or year.”
Her smile faded. “You guys aren’t close anymore?”
“Oh, we’re close, but with her line of work, she can’t keep in close contact.” His gaze lowered to the table cloth. “It’s not safe for either of us to be close.”
“That’s so sad,” she whispered, sitting back, food forgotten. “To not be able to ever have a family or anyone you can love. How do you stand it?”
“By not having a family or anyone to love,” he murmured. “This life is a solitary one. There are a few, like our fathers, who think they can cheat their fate. They meet a woman, fall in love, and start a family, but ultimately, it never lasts. Their children become shadows of them and they … they die.”
A tightness filled her throat, making it impossible to breathe. “Where are Maraveet’s parents?”
“They died in a car bombing when she was seven. Maraveet was staying with us, but she was supposed to be with them when it happened.”
“Oh my God…”
“That is why I can’t keep you for longer than a year, Juliette. This alone has put you in more danger than you can possibly imagine, but I needed this, need you, as selfish as that is.”
Pushing back her chair, Juliette got to her feet and walked around to his side of the table. He was already expecting her. His hands closed around her hips and he drew her into his lap. Her arms went around his shoulders.
“Get out,” she whispered into the warm stretch of skin along his neck. “Don’t do this anymore.” She hesitated a full heartbeat before adding in the quietest murmur, “Stay with me.”
His arms around her tightened. His head turned to nuzzle his face into her chest.
“There is no out.” His fingers tightened into her hip even as he burned the words into the soft material of her dress. “There will always be someone who will want what I have and eventually, one day, my luck will run out.”
“Stop it!” The world tore out of her in a strangled growl. “Don’t say that. There has to be a way.” She drew back enough to peer into his eyes, her own filmy with tears. “You just … you need to find it.” She touched the side of his cleanly shaven face. “I can’t lose you, Killian.”
He kissed her, but it was unlike all the other kisses he’d given her in the past. This one was too much like a goodbye that she jerked back. Her hand went to her lips, damp and trembling.
“Don’t do that,” she whispered, voice unusually choked. “Don’t kiss me like you’re saying goodbye.”
For too long, he said nothing. The dark glint continued to play across his features in a knot of light and shadows. Everything about him was light and shadows, she realized. It was what had always called to her. His demons and angels.
“I’ve got something for you,” he said unexpectedly, temporarily distracting her.
Juliette straightened a notch. “What?”
He gently nudged her off his lap and rose with her. He offered her his hand, which she took without hesitance.
“Well, you won’t get it if you keep frowning at me,” he told her as he walked with her backwards away from the table.
“I’m not frowning,” she muttered. “I’m concerned. There’s a difference.”
He stopped and reached for her face. “Your concern has your eyebrows fighting.” He rubbed lightly at the place between her eyebrows with the pad of his thumb, as though attempting to erase the crinkle there. “Come on. Smile for me.”
It was hard to keep a straight face when someone says smile. It was an almost reflexive gesture. Immediately, her face softened and her mouth tilted.
“That’s very nifty trick,” she told him.
“Right?” Grinning, he pulled back. “All right, I’m going to show you how to waltz.”
Juliette laughed. “Waltz? Are we in the seventeen hundreds?” Her eyes narrowed. “How do you know how to waltz?”
“I know many things,” he remarked airily.
“Are you any good?” she wondered as he positioned her across from him.
“I am always good.”
Juliette rolled her eyes. “Of course. All right. How do we start?”
“First, I need one hand here…” He took her left hand and set it on his shoulder. Once properly in place, he dropped his palm to her waist. “And the other here.” He clasped her free hand in his. He positioned them a proper foot width away. “Now, you have to imagine a box on the floor around our feet. It’s big enough for both of us to move easily around in it. When we start, I will move my left foot forward while you move your right foot back. Then we count three beats and move together right.”
“My right or your right?”
“Mine.”
Nodding that she understood, she braced herself.
“Ready? One … Two … three … and back…”
It wasn’t so hard. It was basically line dancing, but in the same four spots, not that it stopped her from stomping on his toe or tripping over her own feet. Killian held her up and patiently guided her through the next step. The whole thing was made a hundred times better by the fact that he kept her laughing. Most of her missteps were due to her inability to keep upright when her body kept doubling over.