He tried to call her that night and all the next day but only got the voice mail on her cellular service. All the time, he kept trying to think what he had done wrong. What had she thought he meant to do? They were engaged, weren't they? It wasn't as if he meant to have sex with her that very night—he intended to wait till they were married. He had been raised that way. But couldn't he touch her? Or was he so bad at it that it physically revolted her?
Or was it him at all? Maybe she was—what, frigid? Was there such a thing really? He thought that feminism had declared frigidity to be a myth that men made up to explain why women didn't want to have sex with sweating ignorant louts. Admittedly, he was ignorant and probably had been sweating. But—a lout? That was harsh. Had something happened in her childhood that made her interpret all sexual advances as something vile? By afternoon he had a couple more books, this time about sexual dysfunction, and read intently until he fell asleep by the still unringing phone, the fifth of his abject apologies and pleadings still unanswered on her voice mail.
The next morning he awoke to the doorbell ringing. Insistently, ring, ring, ring. Groggily he tried answering the phone, which was not ringing, and then got up, slipped on a robe, and went to the door.
It was Madeleine, carrying a bunch of daisies and looking as if she hadn't slept much the night before. "You must hate me," she said.
"I thought you hated me," he said.
"Can I come in?"
"Yes, of course, come in."
"You have to understand that I—I know I overreacted the other night. I thought you were—oh, who cares what I thought? I do want to marry you, you know, and of course marriage means physical intimacy and I just—I've never been with a man that way, you know, and so I—I'm just so sorry."
"Mad, it's all right, you don't have anything to apologize for, I was insensitive I guess, I just—"
"No, it was my fault, I—"
"Didn't you get my messages?"
"I listened to them over and over. I couldn't believe you still loved me after the way I acted. I just—I couldn't call you because I didn't know what to say, I—"
"At least let me put these flowers in water. And your coat, is it that cold this morning?"
He pulled a glass pitcher out of the cupboard and put in the daisies. He meant to fill it with water but first he turned around to speak to her and saw that she had unbuttoned the coat and under it she was wearing nothing.
The coat was sliding off her shoulders but then she saw the look on his face. It must have seemed like a look of horror—not that she wasn't beautiful, her body was perfect, but from the way she acted two nights before this, it was too much, and besides, Quentin was terrified, he didn't know what to do. He dropped the pitcher onto the counter, just a couple of inches' drop so it didn't break, and the handle kept it from rolling off.
Her face changed from a smile to embarrassment, consternation. She shrugged the coat back on and wrapped it around herself and sank down onto the couch into a near fetal position and began to moan. "I've blown it again. I'm so stupid! I can't believe I—"
"No, no, Mad, it's all right, I just—I mean it was sweet of you, but that isn't what I wanted the other night, I just—"
"But that was supposed to be a real turn-on or whatever, that's what the article said—"
He laughed out loud.
"Don't laugh at me," she said miserably. "I'm sitting here naked in a coat with a polyester lining and polyester gives me a rash."
"No, come here, come with me." He got her up from the couch, trying not to notice how the coat fell open and she couldn't really close it efficiently with him holding one of her hands. "Come here."
He led her into his bedroom. "You have to see this," he said. He bent down and picked up the whole stack of sex manuals he had been studying. "Were you reading, perhaps, one of these?"
She looked at the sides and it dawned on her what they meant. She laughed, too. "Oh, you're kidding. You, too? There's another person on this planet as naïve as me?"
"Maybe most people are like us," said Quentin. "They're just ashamed to admit it."
"No, nobody gets to their thirties as ignorant as we are. How did two freaks like us ever get lucky enough to find each other?"
"Listen, Mad, let me tell you something. I'm glad to know you have such a beautiful body. Such a... terrific body. Such a..."
"I get the idea."
"But I don't need to see you like that again until we're married, OK? Pressure's off for now. We can sort of work up to this. Pretend we're teenagers or something. Put off the dreadful day."
"That's fine. That's good," she said.
"And when you remove the startlement factor, whatever it was you read—I have to tell you, it really wasn't a bad suggestion."
"It was an article in Cosmo. A bunch of ways to please your man."
"Bummer. If only I'd bought that issue when I saw it in the airport in San Francisco. I would have known my part of the script."
"They don't give the man's part in Cosmo. They just sort of take it for granted that you already know your lines and stuff."
"Well, I don't," said Quentin. "I'm just winging it."
"So am I."
"The blind will lead the blind."
"Until we fall into a pit."
They laughed. He kissed her. She went home to get some clothing. Later, at lunch, they laughed about it all over again. "That's going to be such a great story to never tell our kids," said Quentin.
She rolled her eyes. "Of course we'll tell our kids. Just not in front of each other, that's all."
"Do parents tell kids things like this?"
"This is the nineties, Quentin," she said. "Isn't it?"
"Next time I fly to the coast, Mad, come with me."
"I'm unemployed and homeless. I think I can fit a trip to the coast into my schedule."
"I want you to meet my parents."
"Won't they hate the girl who's going to take away their little boy?"
"Are you kidding? They'll kiss the ground you walk on. They gave up hope of having grandchildren years ago. And the bonus is, with any luck the kids will look like you."
"I'd love to meet your parents," she said.
"And when do I make the trek to the Hudson River Valley to meet your folks?"
Her face darkened and she looked away. "My family isn't like yours, Quentin. I think I want us to be married before I take you home."
"Are you kidding?"
She shook her head. "Let's not talk about it, OK? Not today."
"You don't want me to meet your family and you don't want to talk about it?"
"Just picture me naked in that stupid coat and it will take your mind right off my family."
"Not true. It just makes me imagine your father holding a shotgun."
She giggled. "My father holding a shotgun. Now there's a picture. He'd never touch a weapon."
"A pacifist?"
"No, a klutz. He'd shoot off his own leg." She laughed again, but in a moment that dark, distant look was back on her face. It wasn't until Quentin moved the conversation far away from parents and families that the mood cleared and she was happy again.
5. Bliss
Was it possible that his parents liked Madeleine too much? Quentin expected them to be delighted that he had a fiancée at all and that he had brought her home to meet them, and he expected her to charm them because she was, after all, charming. But within hours they seemed to have lost all sense of proportion. Everything she said, they laughed or oohed or tsk-tsked or whatever the appropriate response was. Their attention toward her never flagged. They offered her drinks, food, their own bed—it was way beyond hospitality.