He nodded his head very slowly, as if he didn’t really believe me but was trying to pretend he did. “Maybe Ora is mistaken.”
I studied his poker face. “Did Sarah say something to her?”
“No, but Ora’s usually a good judge of these things.”
Suddenly, Sarah’s strange behavior the previous few days came into focus: the nausea, the preoccupation, her anguished response to what had happened to Ashley Kim. I felt like the dumbest man in the world for missing the clues. But if she was pregnant, why hadn’t she told me? Could she be waiting for the right moment? The past few days hadn’t provided many opportunities for intimate conversations.
“There’s no way she’s pregnant.” I draped my napkin over my half-finished sandwich. “Do you think I should buy her some flowers?”
He leaned back in the booth, a smile spreading across his leather face. “Son, you should always buy a woman flowers. It never matters the reason.” He waggled his thumb at the diner’s door. “Why don’t we go over to the motel room and see how the Boss is weathering the family storm.” Then he waved for the waitress and ordered a cup of herbal tea to go.
The Square Deal Motel was tucked behind the diner. The little motor court consisted of six small cabins, each painted white, with orange doors and green shutters-the same color scheme as the restaurant. All of the other cabins seemed unoccupied, which was no great shock, given that this was mud season.
Charley had pulled the van around to the spot in front of the first cabin. As we approached the door, I noticed that the shade was drawn.
“Probably I should do some reconnoitering first,” said Charley.
I waited on the cabin’s small porch while he slipped soundlessly inside. Could Sarah really be pregnant? My friends who had children told me that kids changed your life in unbelievable ways. At the moment, having a baby-really having one, with Sarah, in my run-down house, with my poor-paying job-was beyond my powers of imagination.
After several minutes, Charley emerged with a worried expression. “She’s on the telephone.”
With Stacey, no doubt.
For all his backwoods guile and wiry toughness, Charley impressed me as one of those men who derived genuine, as opposed to metaphorical, strength from the woman in his life. She sustained him in ways that were beyond my own understanding or experience. It didn’t surprise me that her anxiety would unsettle him so greatly.
“Give her my love, please,” I said. “And apologize again for my whisking you away last night.”
“She’s used to my shenanigans. She’s forgiven me for worse episodes.”
“Maybe she should talk with Sarah.”
“That girl loves you, son. Don’t you doubt that.” Charley clapped one of his big hands on my shoulder. “If she has news to tell, I’m sure she’s just waiting for the right time. My advice is that you make her a big supper tonight and even fix her a bubble bath if that’s what she wants. Treat her like a queen. Let the detectives worry about unsolved homicides.”
We shook hands once more on the porch before Charley opened the door to return to his lovely bride. Then he remembered one more thing. He turned and in a loudish whisper said, “And buy her some goddamned flowers, pronto!”
The door closed. The wind blew cold against my cheeks. And in spite of everything he’d just said, I stood there for a long time, unable to move forward.
Paul Doiron
Trespasser
18
After leaving the Square Deal, I drove into Waldoboro to visit a florist. The cramped and steamy store smelled like someone had spilled a vat of cheap perfume on the floor. I wandered in confusion among the lavish displays and gazed dumbly at the frosted refrigerator with its bins of long-stemmed roses before the elderly clerk took pity on me.
“I need to send some flowers to my girlfriend,” I explained.
“Do you know what kinds of flowers she likes?”
“No,” I said honestly.
The woman frowned at me over her reading glasses, as if I’d failed a test. “How much would you be interested in spending?”
“A lot,” I said, then clarified: “Fifty dollars.”
“I see.” The way she crinkled her nose told me that she was finished sizing me up. To this old shopkeeper, sending flowers was more likely to be a neglectful man’s way of asking forgiveness than a genuine expression of love.
I paid the bill for the bouquet and gave her the name of the school where Sarah was teaching.
My mother and father’s marriage hadn’t exactly prepared me for a lifetime of conjugal bliss.
For the first years of my life, I thought that most couples communicated with each other through drunken screams, thrown dishes, and slammed doors. I believed that one of the police’s primary responsibilities was to mediate late-night arguments over misspent paychecks and accusations of adultery.
When my mother married my stepfather, Neil, I learned a different example. For a while, during the early years of her second marriage, my mother would continue to throw tantrums, but to less effect. Neil was a tax attorney and well-off, we had moved into his spacious suburban home, and there was always enough money now for new cars and clothing. Neil didn’t provoke her the way my dad had, either. He would patiently wait out her moods, speaking to her in the reassuring tones a cowboy uses on a spirited colt. After a time, my mother’s temper would cool, and that would be the end of it.
As I got older, I began to feel as if Neil was treating my mother like a child. He was a handsome man with broad shoulders and a dignified touch of gray at the temples-he projected the rugged vitality of a man in an advertisement for erectile-dysfunction pills-and people commented frequently what an attractive couple he and my mom made. But something seemed to be missing between them. They rarely touched each other in my presence, and because Neil went to bed two hours before she did each night, and he left for work before she was even awake, I wondered when they actually had time for sex. Not that I cared to imagine it.
If my mother minded this arrangement, she didn’t show it. After those hot-blooded years with my dad, maybe she’d decided that trading passion for BMW sedans and diamond earrings was a bargain she was finally ready to make.
I wasn’t entirely certain what to do with myself for the rest of the somber afternoon.
Technically, I was still on duty. But every time I paused at a stop sign, I found my mind wandering back to the house on Parker Point. Not knowing what was happening made me feel pissed off and powerless. I listened closely to the police radio but heard no intel about Hans Westergaard. I felt like I had been amputated from the investigation.
I rode by Calvin Barter’s farm. There were NO TRESPASSING notices posted along the fence posts. Since they hadn’t been there before, I interpreted the signs’ sudden appearance as a personal warning that I’d better not roam around the property measuring ATV prints, not unless I wanted a faceful of buckshot. If I was going to nab Barter, it would be red-handed or not at all.
Lieutenant Malcomb had said that Sgt. Kathy Frost was returning from vacation the next day. I could easily imagine how she would react to my latest escapade: “I go away for a week and you find a body!” But aside from Charley, my district supervisor was the closest thing I had to a confidante. Over the past few days, I’d found myself missing her potty-mouthed lectures.
After a couple of hours of driving down dead-end roads, I decided to go home and finish some paperwork. Under the Warden Service’s core shift system, I was required to put in eight hours of work over a twelve-hour period: four days on, two days off. How I accounted for my time was up to me.
Besides, as long as Ashley Kim’s killer was at large, I knew that I was going to be unfocused, irritable, and otherwise next to useless.