so mr robot i was feelin so bad when i hear bout this beatin raj and lil buddah give u, i rush furs ting down to dat mergency room & dont even tink to change from out my panties i was wearin special fa u, dem dentalfloss ones u love so much & say dey aint got noting like dat in amerika neither, dats how bad i was feelin mr robot, & den de nurse tell me u was only a little rattle & she give u de discharge & now in trut i was more distress den ever mr robot, cause u wasnt dere dat i could explain everyting, & say how sorry i feel, & i go back to pelo & u wasnt dere neither, & i check de hilton & u wasnt dere neither, & now i was goin mad, i jus dont know what i could do i did feel so terrible, & onliest ting i could promise u mr robot, if u come in de archives dis morning u could make a few, only a FEW photocopies mr robot, but i know dat few would be enough to make u heart feel glad
cordial,
miss ramsol
director, t&tna
ps plus mr robot we would be private back in my office where de machine keep
pss & i would still be wearing dem fa u 2
dear mr robot:
I say YES mr robot, YES YES YES cause i was so happy when lil buddah & raj reach home las night & tell me how dey find u in de hilton, where i say u was stayin & we did have so much of sweet sweet jookin in dat hotel 2 mother of jesus, & raj and lil buddah say u had all u bags pack & ready to go back home in amerika, & so sad & forlorn dat all dis time u have dedicate 2 research u book & now u have 2 go home empty-handed, except fa dem 5–6 photocopies u manage to copy out yesterday pon dat machine dat i give u permission, but u say dat aint enough, u say dat aint noting a-tall, u need to make PLENTY PLENTY more copies fa u research before u could write dis book, but now u give up cause u cant fight it no more, & u bags pack ready to go home empty-handed
so lil buddah & raj invite u fa drink downstairs in de hotel bar, dat dey could discuss dis matter wid u men-to-man, & u say ok, u would take a drink wid dem, & lil buddah say well u know mr robot, de people got dey rules, & if de law say no photocopies pon dat machine in de archives except what miss ramsol make, cause she in charge, den u gots 2 abide by de rules, & raj chime in 2 & he say yes, rules is rules & laws is laws, but is not only de ARCHIVES got dey rules, & here in t’dad WE got a NEX law dat say u dont FOCK-DEY-LIL-SIS-&-RUN BACK HOME IN AMERIKA, not so easy as dat mr robot, not dey lil sis, so raj say mr robot u got to do what is right & proper according to de rules, & lil buddah say yes it is mr robot, so let we cease from beatin round de bush & come direc to de point here: lil buddah say he KNOW u would want to follow de rules mr robot & do what is right & proper, cause dat mash-up face & bust-nose & dem blue-eyes is only a lil TASTE of what u would be tastin if u dont, & lil buddah say look here mr robot, u want to copy out u photocopies in de archives? u say is plenty plenty more photocopies u needs to copy out in de archives? well we only offerin u a lil suggestion of how u could do it, as much of photocopies as u want to copy, as much of copies as u could ever WISH TO COPY, & lil buddah say, & let me tell u someting else mr robot: u tink u could find anyting so sweet as lil sis in amerika? all dem hard-back womens dey got in amerika & so stingy 2? what u goin back dere fa? lil buddah say mr robot, u could have dem BOTH, pussy & photocopies, as much as u could want, only ting is u got to do what is right & proper by de rules, u got to follow de rules
well raj & lil buddah say u did start to SMILE lil bit now, u was still sad & folorn but now u was smilin lil bit 2, now dat dey plant dis idea in u head, & mr robot u say ok, u not going back home in amerika, flight cancel, u stayin here in t’dad & u doin what is right according to de rules, & u tell raj & lil buddah please to tell miss ramsol u would be in de archives bright & early tomorrow mornin to settle everyting good and proper, & anyway u did always dream to settle down in t’dad, & despite dat a trini wife & trini children was never part of dat dream before, it is now, cause you doin what is right and proper according to de rules, and raj and lil buddah say dey was smilin now 2, & all 3 of u was smilin happy huggin up 2gether, 2 coolies & 1 yankee-whiteman, & raj stand up to he feet & raise-up he glass & say, let we drink a toast to mr robot, we new yankee brother-in-law!!!
cordial,
miss ramsol
director, t&tna
ps mr robot i would be waitin in de back room wearin my dentalfloss panties, & dat machine runnin waitin fa u 2
pss MONSOON WEDDING IN U TAIL!!!
The best laid plans
by Darby Maloney
The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men
Gang aft a-gley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief and pain,
For promis’d joy.
San Juan
Ka Pau was humming with gamblers. Coins clinking into machines echoed throughout the casino punctuated by winnings jangling in metal trays.
“Hey, Andre!” Honesto bounced his friend on the arm and leaned over his shoulder to peer at the images crossing the screen. “How yuh goin’?”
Andre looked up from his twenty-five-cent game and grinned. “Not bad. What’s happenin’?”
“Nothing much,” Honesto yawned. “Yuh winning?”
Like clockwork, Honesto showed up at the casino each Friday night looking for his friend. He and Andre had met a few months earlier when he had arrived in Trinidad from the Philippines. Twenty-nine-year-old Honesto been recruited to work in Trinidad as a pharmacist. Andre drove a taxi and was looking for a return fare from Piarco Airport when Honesto had emerged from Customs. Since then, they had become friends, with Andre providing taxi service for Honesto and his Filipino buddies.
“Win some, lose some,” Andre shrugged. “But,” he winked, reaching into the white plastic container for more coins, “mostly winning.” They laughed as Andre pulled the lever, the screen blurring and whirring before abruptly stopping. Immediately coins rattled into the tray.
“Way to go!” Honesto slapped Andre on the back.
“If this keep up,” Andre declared, “I go make my car payment this month. This machine hot. Before you came, I hit three lemons and made an easy hundred. This better than driving taxi.”
“I hear yuh, man. Sometimes it’s like that. Yuh get lucky and hit a good machine.”
The cocktail waitress appeared with Andre’s Carib. He reached into his pot and dropped some coins onto her tray. She turned to Honesto. “Yuh having the same as your brother?”
“Yeah, but he’s not my brother,” Honesto grinned. “He’s not good-looking enough.”
“You lucky to look even a little like me, boy.” Andre scooped more coins, inserted them into the machine, and pulled the lever. Two cherries appeared as coins clanked below. Again Andre fed the machine. When the spinning stopped, there was silence. He deposited more coins. The reels whirled and twirled then stopped. Nothing.