Elain sat on a fallen log at the edge of the woods and stared at the house. On the lanai, she could hear the happy sounds of her family, both real and adopted, celebrating. She didn’t look up when Ain separated from the group and silently walked across the yard to join her on the log.
He clasped her hand in his. “Penny for your thoughts?” he finally asked.
She took a deep breath and let it out as a long sigh. “I don’t know what I’m thinking right now. The past few weeks have been nuts. I’m still trying to sort it all out.” She looked at him. “And I feel bad for Mai and her guys.”
“Why?”
She arched an eyebrow at him. “Duh.”
He shrugged. “Does it look like they’re feeling sorry for themselves?”
She watched the three lovebirds chatting with Zack and Kael. All of them were smiling and apparently happy.
Ain let go of her hand and draped his arm around her shoulders. “Let me let you in on a little secret. While we might have a shitload in common with wild wolves, there is something we don’t share. If a child is born with a disability, we gather around the family to love and protect the child. We don’t kick it out of the den to die.”
She snorted. “I bet the Abernathys would.”
“You’re not half wrong. But if you haven’t guessed, there aren’t any other Clans who do stuff the way Rodolfo Abernathy does things. And for damn good reason.”
She laid her head on his shoulder and watched the festivities.
“What else is bothering you?” he quietly asked.
Why deny it? “I want a baby,” she whispered. “I didn’t think I would. At least, not anytime soon. But I do. I really do.”
He kissed the top of her head. “Not right now.”
He must have felt her tense to rebut him, but he squeezed her tightly against him. “I don’t mean that as an order. I made you a promise to do things our way for six months, and that I wouldn’t get you pregnant during those six months. Remember?”
“Oh. Oh, yeah.” He had, after she rescued him from the animal shelter in Virginia. She sighed. “Can I ask you to let go of that promise?”
He chuckled and pulled her into his lap. With his hand on her chin, he gently tipped her head so he could stare into her eyes. “I keep my promises, love. I promised to be a kinder, gentler Prime. And yes, I do want children. As much as part of me would love to carry you back into the woods here and take you right now, I think we need to wait. A few more months isn’t a long time. You’re going to be an aunt to Mai’s pup, as well as to Lina’s…well, whatever they call baby dragons.”
She laughed.
“There’s my girl,” he said. He kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and slowly savored it. When he lifted his mouth from hers, he said, “Believe me, when we’ve all sat down and talked about it and we know all four of us are on board, then okay. I’ll fuck your sweet brains out until you’re pregnant.” He slipped one hand down her body and laid it on her belly. “I’ll kiss your beautiful body every morning and thank you for being our mate.”
She laced her fingers through his. “I don’t know. I’ve heard women in labor curse their men. Remember what I did to Paul Abernathy.”
He nuzzled the side of her neck. “I’ll make sure I have a set of three locking steel chastity belts ready to protect us.”
That made her laugh. She snuggled in his arms and watched as Liam and her mom talked off to one side of the lanai. She didn’t miss how often her mom smiled at something Liam said, and how he’d been looking at her the past few days. She didn’t want to hope despite what Lina had said, but some tiny piece of little girl still inside her desperately prayed.
Ain whispered in her ear. “It’s okay to hope, love. They might find happiness together. Please don’t be disappointed if they don’t.”
She sadly sighed. “Wouldn’t he have pinged on her as his mate if they were meant to be?”
“Not necessarily. It’s different when a wolf’s mate dies. We mate for life. Sometimes the survivor will go on to find love again even while holding on to the strength of their initial bond in their heart. It’s not unheard of.”
“It’s possible?”
“Very.”
“Okay.” She’d settle for that.
For now, at least.
Elain tried to shoo everyone off to bed so she could clean up, but the others wouldn’t hear of it. Everyone pitched in, and when it was just down to doing a few last dishes in the sink, she finally convinced everyone but her mother to head for their respective rooms.
Carla grabbed a dish towel and started drying. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”
Elain nodded. “Yeah, just worn out. A lot’s happened.”
“And we still have a wedding to finish putting together.”
Elain groaned. “Holy crap.”
“You didn’t forget?”
“No, I just sort of blanked it out.” She handed her mother another clean glass. “With everything else going on, it slipped out of my mind.”
“You forgot.” Carla smiled. “It’s okay. I’m surprised you’re still sane.”
“Who says I am? Dirty liars.”
Carla laughed. “Snark fully intact. That’s a good sign”
“It’s about the only thing intact at this point.” She finished washing the last glass and handed it to her mom. “And I can’t quit thinking about Mai’s baby.”
“Why?”
Elain stared at her. “Why? Seriously?”
“I don’t mean it like that. We’re all concerned, honey. There’s no use worrying when the baby’s not even here yet. They’re going to enjoy their time together before they become parents and have to focus on the baby.”
Elain didn’t have an answer for that. That wasn’t the sum total of her worry. Despite what she’d said to Ain earlier, now that pesky “what if?” bug had entered her own brain.
What if one of their kids had a problem?
Carla studied her. “You can’t worry about something that hasn’t happened yet. Just because Mai’s baby has a problem doesn’t mean yours will.”
That startled Elain. “You sure you’re not part shape-shifter, too? You just read my mind.”
“Honey, there’s not a mom or a mom-to-be or a mom-wannabe who hasn’t had that thought at least once. Any of them who deny they ever did are lying. It’s part of being human. I’m just saying don’t let it eat you up. Especially when it’s not your worry to carry. Love them, love their baby, support them however they need it, and let life play out. You’ve dealt with enough. Enjoy your men and your life.”
“Thanks, Mom.” She headed to the bedroom. Ain had already drifted off to sleep, exhausted from staying up all the previous night with a difficult calving.
Brodey and Cail both looked up at her expectantly with identical grins on their faces.
She smiled. “Give me a sec and I’ll be right there.” She walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She undressed, used the toilet, and freshened up.
When she opened the medicine cabinet, she spotted her package of birth control pills. She hadn’t taken her daily dose yet.
She started to push the pill out of the blister pack, then hesitated.
The visions, or whatever they were, that she’d had about being pregnant came back to her.
Despite the wacky past couple of months, one thing she knew for certain—she would spend the rest of her life with her men. Gladly.
She held the package over the garbage can and closed her eyes. No bad feelings, no second thoughts.
Lacey’s admonition to follow her instincts came back to her.
Elain opened her hand and let the package fall into the garbage can.
Part of her soul felt lighter.
She opened her eyes, took a deep breath, and smiled at herself in the mirror. Trust my instincts.