I followed Jason back into the house and avoided making eye contact with anyone. I was still the outsider, and they’d all seen my jealous outburst. The only people not eying me carefully hadn’t been here when I’d walked out. Drew looked over at me and had the decency to blush and look away. That should have made me feel better, but it didn’t. It made me feel like an ass because Jason was right. Drew didn’t owe me anything, and it wasn’t his fault that he and I obviously had different ideas on what we were to one another.
I straightened my back and held my shoulders high as I crossed the room to say hello to him. I could feel everyone watching us, but I didn’t let that stop me. “Hey, how are you feeling?”
I wanted to go somewhere a bit more private to talk to him, but didn’t want him getting up if he was comfortable. It would’ve been nice if everyone else could read my mind and suddenly found somewhere else they needed to be.
“Sore as hell, but I’ll live,” he responded. He reached out to me, and I stared at his hand for a moment before realizing he wanted me to help him up. I steadied him, still ignoring the agonizing silence in the room around us. It was as though everyone knew what he’d been up to and was waiting to see how I’d react. Once he was steady on his feet, Drew pulled me in for a one-arm hug and I wrapped both of my arms around his waist, burying my face in his neck. I might be out of my mind, but for once I was going to fight for what I wanted. “Can we talk?”
The trepidation in his voice told me that he knew why I’d walked out of the house. If I wasn’t careful, he’d be the one pushing my sorry ass to the curb for causing too much drama he didn’t need. I followed Drew to his bedroom and sat next to him on the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” he told me. Rather than look at me, he scratched his fingernails over the fiberglass cast. “I’ll be honest, it was one of those impulsive things.”
I placed my hand on his thigh and gave it a quick squeeze. “You don’t have to apologize to me,” I assured him. “We’re not in a relationship, so you don’t owe me anything.”
“True, but you were upset.” It wasn’t a question. “If it makes you feel any better, my mom had no problem chewing me out in front of everyone for stringing you along.”
“But you’re not,” I insisted. “You and I are just friends. Sure, it’d be nice to see where things might lead between us, but you don’t owe me that.”
“I feel the same way,” he told me, shifting on the mattress so he was facing me. “What happened between me and Eric was great, but I doubt it was anything more than two guys fooling around.”
“I told you, you don’t have to explain anything to me,” I reminded him. He leaned in and I froze, debating whether or not I wanted him to finish closing the distance between us. As much as I definitely did want him, it had to wait. I needed to know what was happening so I could protect myself. I placed my hand gingerly at the center of his chest to stop him, knowing I wouldn’t be capable of halting whatever happened if I got a taste of him. “Drew, that’s not entirely true.”
Drew’s shoulders slumped forward as he retreated from me. I felt like a dick for doing this to him today, but it was the only way I could proceed.
“There is one thing you need to tell me,” I said, kneading his arm until he looked up at me. Even through the bruising, his brown eyes glimmered with the hope and resilience of youth. And God, the guy was young, but I tried not to think about that. “Tell me what you want. If you’re just looking for a good time and someone to help you unwind, that’s fine by me, but I need to know.”
Drew seemed to ponder my request for a while. He stared off to the other side of the room long enough that I almost turned to see what had captivated him so. Then, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s not fair, I know, but the only honest answer I can tell you is that I have no fucking clue.”
“I think that’s very fair,” I assured him. It may not have been what I wanted to hear, but there was something refreshing about him being so open with me. “You don’t have to have the answers right now, so please don’t think this is me sitting here telling you that you have to pick him or me. It’s not.”
This time, I didn’t stop Drew when he tried to kiss me. I curled my fingers around the back of his neck and held him tightly as our lips met. His lips were softer than I’d have thought they’d be, but they were just as perfect as the rest of him. When my lips parted slightly, Drew took full advantage and slid his tongue into my mouth. It was both the most languid and most erotic kiss I’d ever had. There was no sense of urgency to move on to whatever came next. This was simply the two of us tasting and exploring one another.
My hand slid down his back and under the thin cotton of his shirt. I smiled when he shivered slightly at the contact. As his fingers fisted into my hair, keeping me from pulling away from him, I knew for certain that I had to be one of the dumbest men to ever walk the face of the earth. Drew might not be looking for love, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t feel an undeniable connection to him as his taste mingled with mine on my tongue.
There was a soft knock on the door and Drew immediately backed away. His body stiffened, as though he’d just been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. I wondered if he’d reacted the same way earlier when he and Eric were interrupted.
Rather than wait for him to offer me another excuse, I stood and started to walk away. “Bryce, please.” The desperation in his tone is what made me stop and turn back to him. “I told you I don’t know what this is and I mean it. But there is one thing I do know.”
“What’s that?” I asked, stuffing my hands in my pockets hoping he wouldn’t see them balled into tight, frustrated fists.
“I don’t want you to walk out of here thinking that kiss was a mistake.” When he smiled and reached out for me, I knew I was a goner. There was no way I was going to be able to lock my heart away for long. Eventually, I’d look back on this moment and not regret a thing because the pain of losing Drew would be worth that one single look.
I closed the distance between us and waited for Drew to stand. It was hard for me to not ask if he wanted my help, but I bit my tongue. He needed to trust that I still saw him as the fully capable yet slightly battered man that he was. He smiled again and I took that as my cue to kiss him. I buried my hands in the back pockets of his jeans and pulled his body close enough that he could feel what he did to me. “I don’t think that at all.”
It may not have been a complete truth, but it was close enough. The mistake was allowing myself to think about what it’d be like to have Drew in my life and completely to myself. Drew’s mother knocked on the door again, this time letting us know that lunch would soon be ready. I glanced down at my watch, surprised that I’d already been here for almost two hours. Apparently, time flies when you’re in the middle of losing your damn mind over shit you’ve never thought about in the past.
Drew followed me into the living room and took a seat in the recliner. Jason looked at me and I nodded, letting him know everything was fine and he wasn’t going to have to tackle me because I wasn’t going to make another break for the door.
The rest of the afternoon went off with relatively little chaos. There was a lot of talk about Cam and his trip to New York. Drew’s mom beamed as she listened to Jason tell her about his last phone call with Cam. As much as I wanted to be happy for him, my heart broke a little for Jason. I could see what he was carefully hiding from the rest of the room. It was hard for him to be separated from the man he loved, especially since there was no advance warning, from what he said. The last time he’d been through that, his lover never came home and both of us were still battling that particular demon.
Shortly after dusk, Drew’s teammates who’d stopped by to check on him started filing out. I did the same even though I’d been hoping to have more time with Drew, only because he looked about ready to pass out in his chair. There’d be time for us later.