And that was the end of the conversation. Mason and I hadn’t spent much time together, so other than mundane shit, I had no clue what to say to him. We wound up sitting around watching movies until the front door opened and three sweaty guys barreled into the house.
I closed my eyes and listened to the three of them talk about their workout, wishing it was time for the doctors to clear me to do something. I was supposed to be with them, but instead I was sitting around doing nothing, letting the atrophy set in on my muscles a bit every day. Eric startled me when he stood behind me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “You doing good?”
That seemed to be a step up from ”Are you okay?” which was a question I could easily go the rest of my life without hearing again. I looked up at him and smiled as I nodded. I couldn’t speak around the lump in my throat, once again wishing I wasn’t so fucked up. Eric made me wish for things I’d never missed before. He made me wish he was asking me as his lover, not his roommate.
“I’m going to grab a quick shower,” he informed me, his voice low enough that only I could hear. “After that, I was thinking we might order in pizza and throw some darts in the basement. You up for it?”
“Yeah, that’d be good.” Thank God it wasn’t my throwing arm that was broken. It was such a small gesture, but Eric was subtly telling me that the time of being coddled was over now that my parents had gone home. I was nothing more than Drew, his sometimes moody friend. His fucking friend.
As I watched Eric disappear down the hall, I made the decision that it was okay to play the field a bit. I didn’t need to make a decision about which of them I’d rather spend time with. As long as everyone knew what was going on, it was fine. And if either of them had an issue with that, then it’d make my decision that much easier. Now, I just had to work up the balls to actually do something about it.
Three hours later, we were all in the basement and I was the only man left sober. Sean hadn’t had too much since he’d offered to let Mason take the night off from being a responsible adult, but even he was somewhat buzzed. It was the first time since that night when everyone seemed to be having a good time and not worrying about anything. Then, Mason had to go and toss a bucket of water on the good mood.
“I have to say, I’m surprised Cam hasn’t come home,” he said bluntly during a lull in the conversation. That was normally the great thing about guys: we didn’t always have to be talking. Well, most of us didn’t; Mason still seemed to think silence was a sign of problems.
“He said the next time I heard from him would probably be when he got cut from the show,” Jason responded. I missed Cam, wished like hell he was here to give me some advice, but I was so fucking proud of him for finally chasing after his dream. He’d claimed going to culinary school had been all he’d thought about, but I knew better. I remembered the way he’d always want to sit down with my mom and watch the Bon Vivant Network every time he came over to our house. Eventually, I gave up trying to get him to do something “normal” teenage boys did and went out to the barn to find my dad. It was my little way of giving Cam a slice of a normal life with people who didn’t see him as an obligation.
“Yeah, but I would’ve thought he’d come running back when he heard about what happened to Drew.” Mason jumped back when Sean went to punch him in the arm, only to crash into Eric’s chest. Unfortunately for Mason, Eric held him so Sean could take his shot. “Ouch! That hurt, you fuckers!”
“Good,” Eric and Sean said in unison. It seemed my injuries had gone from the only thing everyone could talk about to a taboo subject, but Mason and I hadn’t received that particular memo.
“He doesn’t know,” I told Mason when it became apparent no one else would say anything. I appreciated them wanting to treat me as if nothing had changed, but it had. There was no way I could go back in time and make it so I hadn’t been beaten.
“How can he not know? It’s been all over the news.” Mason scratched his head as he mumbled something I couldn’t understand.
“When I talked to him the night of the auditions, he said they were taking all of their phones and they wouldn’t have access to TV or Internet,” Jason chimed in. “The only thing that exists in his world right now is the show, and that’s exactly how it should be.”
Mason whistled long and low. “Damn, you know that’s going to piss him off when he finds out.”
“True, but like you said, he’d have thrown it all away to come home and make sure I was okay,” I responded. My knee was starting to bother me, so I walked over to the leather sectional and sat down. Mason followed while the rest of the guys kept playing.
“How can you do that? I can’t imagine not telling Sean if something happened to me, even before we were a couple. Cam’s your person.”
“My person? I think you’ve been watching too much Grey’s on Netflix,” I teased him. He quirked an eyebrow, as if to challenge me because I understood the reference. “Fine, so he’s my person. Now, tell me this... If something had happened to you and Sean had been in the middle of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, would you have told him?”
Mason seemed to think on that a bit. “And remember, you know that he’d come rushing home to take care of you, even though it’s not his job,” I prodded when no answer came. “He’d lose out on his dream and it’d be on your shoulders.”
“Fine, I see your point,” Mason finally conceded. “But I’m telling you, I won’t be around when he gets home and finds out. He’s going to go seriously bitchy diva on your ass. You’ll be lucky if you don’t wind up back in the hospital.”
“Won’t be the first time I pissed him off and I highly doubt it’ll be the last,” I deadpanned. Cam and I had been friends since we were kids. I knew all of his secrets and he knew all of mine. Well, all of them except the recent dream I hadn’t been able to shake from my mind.
I hadn’t given it much thought at the time. I’d actually played it off as a combination of my confusion combined with pain killers. I’d thought about what it’d be like to not have to choose between Eric and Bryce. I’d dreamed of coming home to both of them, seeing them making out on the couch and me joining in the fun. Both Eric and Bryce had a bit of the bad boy look going for them and the image of them together was fucking hot as hell. Unfortunately, that was the type of shit that only happened in cheesy porn.
“Hey, you okay there?” I shook my head as Mason stared at me. I quickly glanced down to make sure my daydreaming hadn’t caused any issues to arise.
“Yeah, I think I might have overdone it today,” I said, hoping it’d be a plausible excuse. “I’m going to head upstairs.”
Eric stopped me at the bottom of the steps. “You okay? Don’t let whatever Mason said piss you off. You know he tends to run his mouth without thinking.”
I simply shook my head, wishing I could tell Eric what was really on my mind. Without thinking about what I was doing, I leaned in and gave Eric a chaste kiss. I wound my hand around the back of his neck, enjoying the moment. “I’m fine, really. I’m going to head upstairs.”
“Okay, well you know where I’ll be.” Thankfully, if anyone said anything about me kissing my roommate, they’d waited until I was out of ear shot.
I stripped down to my boxers and prayed that tonight would be the night I wouldn’t be haunted in my dreams. Both the good and bad dreams were making it impossible to feel rested when I woke up in the morning.
Chapter 10
By the last week of October, I was exhausted. I spent all day at the center, mostly doing mindless administrative work. We’d had to fire a couple of our program directors because we found out they were mishandling the money, but we had yet to find replacements for them. That meant I was doing the job of three people, none of which I was qualified to take on.