“Come on, let’s go before you start whining that you’re going to turn into a popsicle.” I appreciated Eric not continuing to give me a hard time. “Do you want me to swing by and pick up something for dinner? I haven’t eaten since lunch, so if I don’t get to eat soon, I might go cannibal on you.”
Oh, if only we weren’t talking about him gnawing my arm, that could be entertaining. Eric was exactly the type of man I usually tried to find for a steamy night. Tall, fit, dark hair and smoldering eyes. The only thing I didn’t know was if he’d have a coat of equally dark hair covering his chest. If he did, I swore I’d do anything he asked.
I used to love going out on the weekends, and had more than my fair share of casual hook-ups, but none since the middle of September. After I met Drew, it hadn’t been a conscious decision to spend my Saturday nights holed up at home, but that’s what had happened. I’d sit around reading, waiting for him to text me if they had a late game. And since getting here, there simply hadn’t been time. I’d thought about asking Drew if he wanted to go out, even if it meant driving to Madison or Chicago, but then the attack happened and I’d gone back to catching up on the never-ending list of books I wanted to read.
“Yeah, that’d be good. I have to admit, I’ve been living off takeout since I got here since it’s usually too late to cook by the time I get home,” I admitted. Not only that, but cooking for one wasn’t all that much fun. I’d never be as good as Jason claimed his boyfriend was, but I got the impression few were. After all, he was MIA right now because he was off trying to become the next Emeril, Bobby, or Guy. “When you get there, just use the intercom and I’ll let you in.”
Eric running for dinner gave me time to pick up around the apartment a bit. I wasn’t a slob, but I had seen how meticulous most of Eric’s house was. With the exception of Drew’s bedroom, everything was in its place and there wasn’t a speck of dust to be seen.
Just as I finished throwing a load of laundry into the washer, the buzzer trilled through the apartment. “Hey, take the elevator to the fifth floor,” I told him before pressing the button to unlock the front doors.
I kept waffling between sitting on the couch waiting for him and opening the door to wait in the hall. As I stepped barefoot onto the carpeted hallway, I told myself I was only doing so because this was Eric’s first time and it was polite to not make someone wait at the door when you knew they were on their way up. See, Mom was wrong, I did have some social graces.
“Hey, nice place you’ve got here,” he praised when he stepped off the elevator. I helped him with the bags he was carrying, taking in the scent of garlic and onions. Italian seemed a safe choice, but it definitely cut down on the urge for an epic makeout session later. Then again, I doubted anything like that was even on Eric’s mind when he chose our meals for the evening.
“Thanks. The founder did the math and figured it’d be cheaper to get me a furnished apartment than make me live out of a hotel for however long I’m here. Plus, this way I didn’t have to pack my stuff and have it moved across the country.” Eric nodded in understanding. I forgot who I was talking to. Eric probably knew better than I ever would what a pain in the ass it was to move at a moment’s notice.
“Yeah, that’s why we’re always given the name of a realtor as soon as we land in a new city. I picked up a six pack. I hope you don’t mind.” The only thing I minded was that it wasn’t something stronger. I felt uneasy now that Eric was in my home.
“Not at all.” I grabbed the beer from him and led him into the small, galley style kitchen. There was barely enough room for me to move around in there, so there was no way to avoid brushing up against Eric as he pulled the lids off the entrees he’d ordered while I worked on getting plates and silverware. “Sorry the place is still a bit sparse. I haven’t had a chance to get anything more than the bare essentials the apartment came with.”
“No worries.” Eric followed me to the café table in the dining area. I didn’t mind the apartment, but it was apparent to me that it was meant as transitional housing, not a long term solution. None of the furniture was comfortable, it was more there to fill the otherwise vacant space than anything else.
We didn’t get back on the topic of Drew as we ate, which was good since the thought of him struggling upset me. It brought back a lot of old memories I’d rather leave in the past. I dealt with enough of those ghosts when I was at work, I wasn’t ready for them to invade my personal time as well.
After dinner, we moved the conversation into the living room. I turned on some music for background noise. Eventually, we got to the point where it became impossible to ignore the reason we were both here.
“So, tell me more about what’s going on with Drew,” I urged.
“He misses you,” Eric said without hesitation, making me choke on my beer. Those were the last three words I’d expected to hear. They should have made me feel better, but they didn’t. I’d been pulling away because every time I stopped by, it was clear to see that he and Eric were growing closer. Drew thought he was hiding the moments when he pulled back from Eric’s simple touches, but he wasn’t fooling me. I knew he was doing so for my benefit. “I was hoping you might want to come over to the house and watch a movie tomorrow night.”
“I think you’re reading too much into his mood swings,” I argued. Eric was trying to find the simplest answer, which wasn’t the right one. “Besides, why would you come down to tell me that? From where I’m standing, it looks like you and Drew are doing just fine together.”
Eric shook his head. “It’s not like that. Yeah, we’re closer now than we were in the past, but I’m not who he wants. He won’t say it, but I can tell.”
“How?” I challenged. Before answering, Eric went into the kitchen and helped himself to two more beers.
He sat down a bit closer to me. His proximity made me nervous. It excited me. And it scared the hell out of me because I felt out of control. “You’ll probably think I’m crazy and at least a little bit creepy if I tell you.”
“Try me.” I purposely kept my tone casual.
“He’s been having nightmares.” Understandable, given everything Drew had been through, but I failed to see how that meant he’d been missing me. “Since I haven’t been able to sleep much either, I go and check on him sometimes to see if he’s restless.”
That did seem a bit creepy, but it also seemed logical. The two of them shared a bond no one else would be able to understand. Drew may have been the one who’d been physically assaulted, but he had the “blessing” of not remembering most of what happened. Eric, on the other hand, remembered every second from the time he turned into that alley until they knew Drew was going to be okay. Speaking from experience, I knew how those images could form an indelible bond in a man’s mind.
No one knew how close Jason’s boyfriend and I had been when we were deployed. At first, we were nothing more than brothers in arms, willing to protect one another to the death. The night I had to stop a drunk asshole from choking Adam because he’d found out Adam was gay, everything changed. Had it not been for Adam’s undying devotion to Jason, I can’t say for certain we wouldn’t have been sneaking off to fuck every chance we had. But somehow, the kinship we shared after that night was one even deeper than meaningless sex. I would have done anything to help him. And when I wasn’t able to save him, I blamed myself. I mourned him in silence, wondering if it’d ever be possible for me to find the type of love he always spoke of when it came to Jason.
“Anyone else would think you’re a stalker, but I get it,” I told him, hoping he wouldn’t pry. Eric had no obligation to me, and if I told him the truth I couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t run to Jason. That’d open old wounds that had finally begun to heal. “So, how does that involve me?”