Chapter 12
By the time I made it home, I was exhausted and crabby. When Jason asked me to help move Cam’s stuff into his place, I incorrectly assumed that it wouldn’t be that much stuff. After all, Cam had only been living with me for a few months and everything was neatly packed into the loft. Little did I know that he’s some sort of organizational ninja. He had more crap than anyone I’d ever seen and most of it was clothes.
Add to that the fact that Jason felt it necessary to grill me about what was going on between Drew and me and I was in a foul mood when I got home. If I wasn’t such an idiot, Drew and I could have sat around watching movies until he fell asleep, the way we did most nights when he wasn’t holed up in his bedroom. But no, I’d tried to do the ”right thing” and practically begged Bryce to come over and spend time with him. Bryce, the man who wanted the same thing I did. The man who, if I was being honest, would be better for Drew on so many levels. Bryce, the man whose car was still in the driveway even though all the lights in the house were turned off.
As much as I wanted to, I refrained from slamming the front door when I walked inside. Not knowing what I’d find, I didn’t bother to turn on the lights. It felt much safer to carefully make my way through the dark living area, grab a beer, and retire to my bedroom for the night.
I tried to ignore the noises coming from Drew’s room as I walked down the hall. Unless Bryce was treating him to an innocuous back massage, there was only one reason Drew would be moaning and carrying on the way he was.
“Fuck, don’t stop.” Drew’s words were strained, as if he was hanging on by a thread. My dick twitched and I scolded it. Those pleas weren’t for me. The only relief I’d feel tonight would be from my own hand. The only difference between tonight and every night over the past few weeks was that I’d have to listen to Drew and Bryce across the hall. I hoped against hope that the doors would be enough to muffle the noises that’d keep me up otherwise.
The beer I’d been dying to have tasted bitter but I choked it down. I didn’t bother turning on the television, opting instead for a quick shower before climbing into bed for yet another restless night. I considered closing the door to my bathroom but then remembered it was pointless. No one would be coming in to interrupt me.
As the hot water pounded against my aching back, I closed my eyes tightly, refusing to reach down for the nearly painful erection begging for my attention. I tried to think of everything unsexy in the world rather than curl my fingers around my dick while imagining what Bryce was doing to Drew. I knew those moans and had foolishly thought there was a way I could have been the one making Drew sound like that more often. I licked my lips, remembering the salty essence of his skin and the musky smell of his body.
Resistance was futile. I gave into my desires and starting stroking my shaft, brushing my thumb over the head on every pass. Images floated through my mind of Drew lying on his bed, back arching as he convulsed when he came in my mouth. Once you got past the arrogant exterior, he really was a beautiful man.
I reached lower, tugging on my balls, not ready for my fantasy to end, even though it still felt wrong to think about him now that he was with someone else. I’d told myself I wouldn’t get wrapped up in another person again when they didn’t reciprocate, but I couldn’t help myself. I’d tried to resist Drew, but something about the way he tried to push everyone away drew me closer to him.
The longer I stood under the water, the more I hated myself for what I was doing. Eventually, that did the trick and my cock went soft. It was amazing how well self-loathing worked to kill the libido. I turned the water off with more force than necessary and quickly dried off.
The soft cotton of my sheets caressed my naked body. It took me a moment to realize why it felt so foreign. Since the attack, I’d started sleeping wearing at least a pair of shorts in case Drew needed me. I stared at the ceiling as I argued with myself. Drew wouldn’t need me tonight. He had someone else next to him who was more than capable of calming him if the nightmares came back. And for all I knew, tonight might be the night he had a peaceful sleep, all because I was an idiot and pushed another man into his bed.
I rolled onto my stomach and punched my pillow a few times before settling in to get some sleep. If I was being honest, the past few weeks hadn’t been the best for me either. Most of the time, I wouldn’t allow myself to fall fully asleep in case something happened with Drew. And when I did, the same scene plagued my mind as did Drew’s. But for me, it was the sight of him lying on the ground, motionless other than the shallow rise and fall of his chest letting me know he was still alive. It was the memory of his attacker running off into the night, me second-guessing whether I should have followed him and yelled for someone else to call an ambulance for Drew.
I parked closer to the bar. As I drove up the street, I saw someone get into a car at the end of the alley. I slowed, waiting for them to pull onto the street so I could take their parking spot. I hurried to get out of the car, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end, telling me something was very wrong. Every step seemed quicker than the one before. When I turned into the alley, Drew was still standing, struggling to break free from the choke hold of his attacker. I could hear him trying to scream for someone to help, but no one came. I broke into a sprint, screaming bloody murder to save him. His attacker looked up at me with dark, soulless eyes. There was something familiar about the evil sneer he flashed my way before turning to run.
“Don’t worry about me,” Drew insisted. He was slumped on the ground now, massaging his throat as he gasped for air. “I’ll be fine. Please catch him.”
The please caused my steps to falter. It was as though Drew knew he’d never escape the danger as long as whoever did this was a free man. I raced to the far end of the alley, losing sight of the attacker when he turned the corner. Luckily, it wasn’t a busy night so he should be easy to spot.
Except he wasn’t. I rounded the front of the building in the direction he’d run, but he was nowhere to be found. The streets were completely empty.
I bolted up in bed, my hands fisted into the sheets as I tried to catch my breath. Sweat ran down my forehead as though I’d actually been running. Logically, I knew it was just a dream, but even with my eyes open, I could still see Drew begging me to catch the man who’d done this to him.
My heart pounded so furiously it hurt and nothing I did seemed to calm me. I tried taking deep breaths, but every one was ragged. I told myself over and over that it’d be fine, but the tattoo of my heart told me it wouldn’t be.
Finally, I gave up trying and slid out of bed, hoping to find something to help quiet my mind for the night. There was still a bottle of whiskey in the cupboard over the stove from when Cam was here. It wasn’t anything good, but I didn’t care about quality. The only thing I wanted was to drink enough that my body would shut down for one night since I didn’t have to worry about Drew.
I made it almost to where the carpet met hardwood at the end of the hall when I heard a noise in Drew’s room again. This time, it wasn’t groans of pleasure, but rather moans of panic and despair.
“Stop, please,” Drew begged. “Why are you doing this to me? Take whatever you want, just please stop kicking me.”
I froze, my heart crumbling to the floor, willing me to go wake him while my head reminded me that he wasn’t alone in there. But if he wasn’t alone, why wasn’t Bryce waking him? Why couldn’t I hear Bryce trying to calm him down? I turned back and stood outside Drew’s door, waiting as I listened, silently screaming at Bryce to do something.