“I understand. Happy Thanksgiving.” When I hung up the phone, I realized all eyes were on me. Even Cam had stopped cooking, waiting to see what was going on. I choked on the words, not ready to voice to those closest to me what I already knew. “I’m a free agent. Seattle decided they didn’t want to sign the new contract.”
Drew was by my side immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Hey, something else will come along. Maybe even something where you won’t be all the way on the other side of the country.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I wished I still had the optimism he held toward the game. He was just entering his prime and had yet to realize just how shitty it was to realize that the glory days don’t last. I slid out of his grasp and told everyone I’d be back. I needed a few minutes to clear my head and wasn’t in the mood for anyone to try and cheer me up.
I probably shouldn’t have been driving, but my car was the only place I could think of where no one would try interrupting my moping. I drove for over an hour before parking my car in front of Sean’s house. I wasn’t even sure if they were still home, but I needed to talk to him.
The house was dark except for one light shining from somewhere in the back. I stood in front of the door and debated whether or not to ring the bell. I jumped when the front porch light turned on, blinding me since my eyes had adjusted to the pitch black night.
“Halloween was a few weeks ago, kid. You’ll have to come back next year,” Mason teased. He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. As much as I liked the guy, I wasn’t in the mood for his comic relief. Then again, he was the one person in our circle of friends who might understand the bullshit swirling through my mind. Maybe it wasn’t Sean I drove over here to see at all. “Hey, you okay?”
Mason gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I had no clue how he wasn’t freezing his ass off. It couldn’t be more than forty degrees and the forecasters were calling for snow tonight, and yet it didn’t seem to bother him that he was only wearing his old Bulldogs T-shirt.
“Had better days,” I admitted. “Would it be rude to invite myself in? It’s fucking cold out here.”
“Yeah, sure. Just keep your voice down until we get to the basement. Asher’s teething again and he’s not a fan. It took Sean over an hour to get him calmed down enough to go to sleep.”
I kicked out of my shoes and placed them next to the door. No shoes beyond the foyer was one of Sean’s rules since Asher started crawling. It was adorable to see him turn into the freaky first time parent when it came to anything related to their son.
Mason grabbed a couple of beers and motioned for me to follow him. He pulled out his phone, explaining that he was texting Sean to let him know we were down here as he typed.
“So, what’s got you looking like someone kicked your puppy?” Mason asked once his phone was back in his pocket.
“Sam called me today,” I told him. I didn’t need to explain who Sam was. His name was well known in the league.
“And?”
“And basically told me I’m too old for Seattle. They passed on a new contract which means we’re going into December and I have no fucking clue what’s going on next year.” Now that the shock had started to wear off, I was angry. Yeah, my numbers weren’t the best, but I’d worked my ass off for that team. The least they could have done was give me the courtesy of some sort of hint they weren’t certain I’d be back next year. But that wasn’t how the business side of the game worked. Hell, some guys didn’t even have the security of being with the same team from the time they showed up at the park in the morning until they got in their cars to go home.
“They said that?” Mason took a long draw of his beer before standing and reaching into the high cupboards behind the bar for a bottle of Jack. I couldn’t get plowed since my guys were waiting for me at home, but one to settle my nerves didn’t seem like such a bad idea.
“No, you know they never make that much sense,” I scoffed before tossing back the piss warm liquid. I hated the yeasty taste of Jack, but I wasn’t picky at that point. I just wanted something to take the edge off. “He just said they didn’t sign the contract but that he’s looking for other deals for me.”
“Well that’s promising,” Mason responded. The door at the top of the steps opened and Sean came down with three more beers. I begged off, not wanting to push my limits. Knowing the way today had gone so far, it’d be my luck for me to think I was fine and wind up getting a DUI.
Mason quickly brought Sean up to speed on my news. I was grateful for that, because every time I had to admit that I was a player without a team, I grew more upset. At this rate, I was going to be unfit for company by the time Drew’s parents showed up in the morning.
“So you find another team,” Sean said, as if it should be that easy. I quirked an eyebrow in his direction. “Seriously, you’ve still got some ball left in you. I’m sure someone will pick you up before the month is out.”
“Yeah, but what if I don’t want some team?” I asked. When I woke up this morning, I’d thought that life was pretty damn good for the first time in a long time. It’d be nice to figure out a way to have that feeling every day, and that may not be possible while I was still playing.
“Then you sit down like Mace did and figure out what’s next for you,” Sean offered. “I thought he was crazy when he announced he was quitting, but it turned out to be the best thing for him.”
Mason nodded in agreement. Now that I thought about it, I couldn’t remember him ever saying he regretted walking away when he had. Granted, his situation was a bit different than my own. He’d just been outed which had been a determining factor, but he’d also lost his drive for the game over a year before he walked away. I still loved playing. My thoughts of retiring weren’t because I didn’t enjoy the game, but because I wanted to go out on my own terms and I felt that opportunity slipping away from me.
“Yeah, but what am I going to do after that? This is all I’ve done in my life.” I couldn’t sit around the house or waste my days on the golf course. Whatever happened, I needed to know there was still a purpose in my life.
You know what you need to do, I thought to myself as Mason and Sean tried to reassure me that I’d figure it all out. And they were right. I’d already been thinking about leaving, even if I hadn’t really thought it’d happen this soon. I’d found myself envious of what Drew and Bryce were doing down at the center and had wished it’d be possible for me to do something like that. Maybe it was.
I started glancing at my watch, trying to figure out how quickly I could get out of there and back home. I didn’t want to seem rude, as though I’d only stopped by because I had a problem, but that was somewhat true. Besides, Mason and Sean probably wanted to get to bed since they had a long drive to Indiana in the morning with a teething one-year-old.
Sean noticed my inattention and took it upon himself to start stretching and yawning, the universal symbol for “You’re a great guy, but get the fuck out of my house.” I stood and gave Mason a one-armed hug before walking to the door with Sean.
“Hey, thanks for listening to me bitch,” I said as I reached for the front door. “I probably should have talked to Drew and Bryce, but you know how it is with the younger guys. They’re all convinced that baseball is all there is to life and that it’ll go on forever.”
Sean chuckled. “God, when did we get to be the old men of the league?” he asked, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, it’s all going to work out however it’s supposed to. Like I said before, Mason has never been happier than he’s been since retiring. And I mean never. It’s like he’d always carried around the stress of trying to make everyone proud of his accomplishments, even when that wasn’t what he really needed in his life.”