Malbun agreed. Aye, after supper, but don’t breathe a word. If the Abbot finds out, he’ll forbid us to go.
It was right at that moment that the Abbot stood up and made an announcement. My friends, Redwallers all. It is my wish that we celebrate the new season this evening with a feast!
Everybeast applauded the good news wildly. A groan of despair came from Crikulus as he noticed that the two creatures cheering loudest were none other than Churk and Log a Log.
The ancient Gatekeeper sighed mournfully. They’ll never accompany us tonight, Malbun. We’ll just have to put the whole thing off until another time.
Malbun’s jaw set in a stubborn line. Not me, my friend. I’m going. Who needs those two to guide us? Look at us, we’re two well-seasoned creatures. Why shouldn’t we do the job ourselves?
Crikulus gnawed doubtfully at his whisker ends. Out in the woodlands at night, on our own. Dearie me, I don’t know, Malbun, I just don’t know....
Malbun, however, was not ready to brook excuses or arguments. Well, I’ll go alone. I’m not a Dibbun who’s afraid of the woodlands in the dark. Don’t you worry, I can fend for myself!
Crikulus clasped his old friend’s paw. No, no, I’ll go with you. This is a joint effort, y’know.
The Abbot was watching the pair. He commented to Skipper, who was sitting next to him, What d’you suppose those old fogeys are whispering about?
The otter spread damson preserve thickly on a scone. Wot, y’mean Malbun’n’Crikulus? I expect they’re plan-nin’ on singin’ their song at the feast, Father. You know, that funny one where they both dress up.
Apodemus turned his attention to a bowl of oatmeal. Yes, that’ll be it. I like that song, it’s good fun!
Throughout the day the buzz of excitement continued. Skipper and an assortment of moles and shrews went to lend a paw in the kitchens. Log a Log and some of the others vanished into the cellars with Gurdle Sprink.
Memm Flackery and Sister Vernal took the Dibbuns off to gather flowers and lay the tables. Foremole Urrm recruited Malbun and Crikulus to help him serve buffet lunch and afternoon snacks on the steps outside the gatehouse. Redwall Abbey became a hive of activity in preparation for the coming feast. Everybeast was busy and cheerful.
Memm and the Sister were hugely pleased at the way the Dibbuns behaved themselves. The Abbeybabes’ conduct was exemplary; not one objection was heard at bath time. They even stood uncomplaining whilst getting dried and dressed.
The Harenurse kept praising them as she combed and brushed each one.
Oh I say, J.G.D., you chaps, A and B the CofD.Wot!
Sister Vernal gave Memm an odd glance. What are all those letters you’re spouting, marm?
The Harenurse explained. J.G.D. means Jolly Good Dibbuns, an’ A and B the C of D? Thought you’d know that ‘un, Vernal. It means above and beyond the call of duty. Good, eh?
Lining the Dibbuns up and inspecting them, Sister Vernal nodded approvingly before dismissing the little creatures. Very good, right.
G and P and T.T.S.C.... O.E.!
Bikkle sniffed and wrinkled her nose at the Sister. Wot dat all mean, Sissa?
Vernal waved a cautionary paw under Bikkle’s nose. It means, go and play and try to stay clean.... Or else!
Crikulus and Malbun sat down on the wallstairs during a lull in their duties. Malbun murmured to her friend in low, frustrated tones, Did y’hear that, everybeast’s saying that you and I are going to do our dress-up monologue at the feast. Huh, that’s the last thing we’ll want to be doing this evening!
The ancient gatekeeper shrugged. Nothing for it, we’ll just have t’do it, I suppose.
Malbun’s eyes lit up as an idea occurred to her. Right! After the feasting is done, we’ll volunteer to go first with our performance. When we’ve finished, we’ll pretend that we feel tired and excuse ourselves. Nobeast will suspect us of leaving the Abbey then, eh?
Crikulus still felt slightly unhappy about the venture. Hmm, I suppose you’re right.
From its commencement at early twilight, the feast was a complete success.
Brilliantly decorated and lantern-lit tables groaned under the weight of superb food. Still warm from the ovens, fresh-baked breads with crusts ranging from gold to deep brown vied with vegetable salads, fruit junkets, cheeses, pasties, tarts, cakes and turnovers, plus a huge cauldron of the moles’ favourite, deeper’n’ever turnip’n’tater’n’beetroot pie.
There were hot herbal teas, cordials of all types and a barrel of Special October Ale on tap for the elders. Back and forth the delicious fare went from paw to paw amid banter, laughter and animated conversation.
Extra lamps and lanterns were lit as darkness fell and the entertainment commenced. Malbun and Crikulus performed their monologue, which was actually a duologue. It was a great favourite with all Redwallers, especially the Dibbuns, who had armed themselves with slapsticks for the finale. Malbun was dressed as a searat, with padded stomach and bottom, large floppy hat, brass earrings, a patch on one eye and a wobbly sword made from soft tree bark. Old Crikulus had garbed himself as a grandmother mouse. He wore a billowy frock, a lacy shawl and a fussy, beribboned bonnet. They strode toward one another, as if meeting on a woodland path. Malbun eyed Crikulus fiercely and declaimed aloud in a rough voice:
Here be I a searat fierce, an’ this to all I say, I’m evil, villainous, bad an’ tough,
Let nobeast stand in me way!
I’ve got two paws like iron claws,
Granite teeth an’ steely jaws,
I chopped me ole grandma up fer stew,
An’ I’ll do the same fer you!
Both elders and Dibbuns hissed and booed him heartily. Crikulus rendered the grandmother’s part in a quaky squeak.
I’m a little grannie mouse, frisky as a flea, An’ I say what ho, this is my motto,
No bullies dare mess with me!
‘Cos though I’m old, I’m feisty an’ bold, I’ve got twenty-two grandmice too,
I can spank the tail off any of’em,
An’ I’ll do the same for you!
Applause and cheers rose from the onlookers, with many Dibbuns calling out. Spank the naughty rat, grannie! Malbun rolled her eye and waved the floppy sword.
Hoho, liddle grannie mouse, scurry off to yore’ouse, Whilst I’m still in a good mood,
I eats a grannie fer brekkist each morn,
‘Cos grannies are my fav’rite food!
I’ll chop off yore tail an’ whiskers,
I’ll whack off yore nose an’ each ear,
Then you’ll be the lunch on which I munch, Wot think ye of that, me old dear?
The booing and hissing of the audience rose to fever pitch. Crikulus winked broadly at the Dibbuns to make them ready, then he began haranguing Malbun.
Hah, just try an’ eat me, an’ you’ll soon see Us grannies are tough ole things.
I’ll climb in your mouth an’ pull your teeth out, Then use your tonsils for swings!
But why should I bother to dirty my paws, On a sloppy great bully like you?
Here come all my grandmice, ahoy there,
Show this searat a thing or two!
This was the part the Dibbuns enjoyed most. Grabbing their slapsticks, they bounded out and began chasing Malbun, spanking away at her rear, which was heavily cushioned. Whooping and roaring, Malbun the searat fled the scene.