Mum sips her drink and looks at me.
“I’ve not handled this very well,” she says. Which is an understatement. “I never thought you’d get pregnant so young, but, even so, I see girls in your situation every day, terrified of what their parents will say when they find out they’re pregnant. I tell them that their parents will love them no matter what and I reassure them that it’s their body and they have a right to make their own decisions and not to let other people pressure them into anything…”
She trails off and sighs. “But all that goes out of the window when it’s your own daughter.”
I say nothing and concentrate on not thinking about Boxing Day. Or the way she flew off the handle at Aaron for taking advantage of me. If she knew the truth… So. Much. Worse.
“We all make mistakes, Hannah.” She puts her hand over mine, around the mug. “Me included. I should have said this right away, but I love you. You are my precious little girl, and you always will be, no matter what. I’m not saying that I’m not hurt by some of the decisions you’ve made, but perhaps they were made for the right reasons. Perhaps you were right to confide in your gran before me. Perhaps you knew me better than I knew myself.” Her fingers brush my skin. “But I’m your mother and I love you and I would walk through fire for you — you won’t understand until you become one yourself. But I’ll be with you through this.”
Her eyes are filling up and my mouth and throat feel run through with sandpaper at the effort of not crying. Then, for what feels like the first time in months, Mum pulls me into a proper hug and squeezes me so hard that the tears are forced out of me. I rest my head on her shoulder and smell her perfume and close my eyes and let the weight of worry lift off me. It’s not all gone, but still… having Mum hold me like this makes things seem a little more do-able.
“But we’re going to have to do something about those exam results.”
Bollocks. I knew this was too good to last.
MONDAY 18TH JANUARY
HANNAH
Gideon holds the door open for me and I walk out into the corridor and straight into Marcy. I back off quickly, not wanting the hassle, but she turns the second she sees me, her posse surrounding me like a shoal of piranhas.
“Watch who you galumph into, pregna-slut.”
“Get over yourself, Marcy,” I say, trying to squeeze past her, but there isn’t room. This shouldn’t be rumbling on, not after Aaron’s announcement last week. I’m not sure I’ve the energy to do this now.
“She probably couldn’t see you over her belly,” one of the others says with a snigger and I find myself running a hand over my stomach, protecting the bump. They can’t possibly see it in this baggy old school jumper — it’s hard enough to tell without it.
It’s only then that I notice Katie’s with them, at the back. She’s not even looking my way and something inside me snaps.
“Shame I can’t see who said that — Marcy’s ego’s in the way,” I say loudly, pretending to try and look round her.
Gideon puts his hand on my arm and tries to pull me away.
“You don’t want to get in a slanging match with me, Spanner,” Marcy says. “I’ve got way more ammunition.”
“I can’t help being more interesting than you. You try hard, I’ll give you that — but even taking your clothes off for a living doesn’t make you interesting.”
Her lips tighten angrily and the posse look puzzled. The only reason I know she’s done a topless shoot is because Tyrone told me — he’d been jealous of someone else seeing her tits. Ironic, given he had his hands on mine at the time.
“You’re just jealous—”
“Of you?” I laugh, but it’s not a nice noise. “No thanks. I’d rather be a statistic on teen pregnancy than a stuck-up bitch who sells her body for pocket money.”
She spits in my face and everything’s quiet as I hurry to wipe it off. I can’t help myself: “At least your boyfriend had the decency to aim a little lower last time I sucked him off,” I say in a voice that reaches everyone’s ears.
Her hand lashes out and slaps me.
“What are you going to do now, Marcy? Pull my hair?” My cheek feels hot where her palm caught me and she might have scratched me a little with her freaky long fingernails. We stare at each other. She’s simmering with rage and embarrassment. That her precious Tyrone might so much as look at someone as far down the ladder as me is enough to be ashamed of, but to suggest that he would actually go there…?
But we both know he has, because we’ve both seen the fear in his eyes when he looks at me these days.
I smile a little smile that’s meant to look secretive, but obviously it’s not secret, because I’m smiling so that the person in front of me gets the message loud and clear.
“Bitch!” Marcy flies at me with her talons and fists and even her feet as she digs a heel into the top of my foot. I shove her back as hard as I can because I don’t trust her not to go for the bump. She staggers back in a comedy manner and her friends catch her and push her back towards me, circling round us, preventing me from getting away. It’s not so comedy any more and I’m scared by the look on everyone’s faces as I shrink back into Gideon, who’s as much use as wet bog roll. My arms are held low, defending the only thing I care about and I tense as Marcy lashes out—
“Get off her!”
Marcy’s swipe whiskers past my eyes and then there’s a body in front of me, guarding me, protecting me, protecting the baby.
Aaron.
“How do you even know it’s yours?” Marcy yells at him, trying to push him away, but he’s solid in front of me. “She’ll shag anyone who looks at her.”
“Marcy—”
“She’s just a filthy little slut that got what she deserved.”
“Stop it.”
“You’re just another number, only you’re so stupid you actually think she’s telling the truth about that little parasite—”
The tirade is cut short as Aaron steps so far into her space that Marcy’s forced to back up.
“I said stop.” Aaron’s voice isn’t exactly raised, but it’s sharp and scary and it silences all of us.
Marcy stares at him as he stands in front of me and I wonder what she’s seeing. Whatever it is, it scares her.
“Exactly what part of attacking a pregnant girl do you think is acceptable?”
“She st—”
“Pathetic excuse. Like you. Just go.”
Marcy’s struck dumb.
“Go. You just attacked my friend and started insulting the baby she’s carrying — I can’t possibly imagine why you think you’re welcome here any more.” He looks around at the crowd that’s gathered. I see Katie at the back, see her look away as Aaron’s gaze lasers into her. “Any of you.”
Everyone starts muttering to one another and slouching off to the next class as Marcy strops off with a comet trail of friends following her, whispering, glancing back at me in disgust.
Whatever. I have the only friends I need.
I catch Katie looking over her shoulder as she whispers something in Marcy’s ear.
Repeat after me: I have the only friends I need.
AARON
Hannah’s waiting for me outside the staffroom after lessons.
“Thought you’d gone home,” I say. After this morning I wouldn’t blame her.
“I don’t run away.” She runs a hand up through her hair and I realize she’s wearing less make-up, her nails are free of varnish and she looks… fresh. “I wanted to say thanks. For this morning. With Marcy.”