“There’s not many good places that near. I checked.” Jay looks at me and I swear his expression is challenging. Under the table, Hannah presses her foot gently on mine. I ignore Jay and eat my pancake.
The subject comes up again at the fourth tub of rice. This time from Robert.
“Seriously, Aaron, what are your plans for the future now that” — he trails off and looks at Hannah — “you’ve others to think about?”
“I was thinking of seeing how it goes. Making plans seems a bit premature.” Good answer — well done, me.
“Mm. It never hurts to be prepared.” And that appears to be all Robert has to say on the matter.
But not Jay. “Still, gotta think about your options now, haven’t you? Work out which subjects to concentrate on when you’re revising — no point worrying about Biology if you’re going to study English, is there?”
“Aaron’s pretty smart, Jay.” Hannah steps in before I finish my mouthful. “I don’t think he needs to worry about his revision the way you did.”
Ouch.
Robert frowns at his stepdaughter, opens his mouth to say something, then sees his wife glaring him into silence.
“Keen, huh?” Jay sticks his lip out and nods in what can only be described as a patronizing manner. “What’re you doing hanging out with Hannah?”
It’s meant to be a joke but no one — not even Lola — cracks a smile.
I’ve had enough of this.
“Being a friend. Obviously a subject you missed out of your revision.”
In any other company that might have been chalked up as a point to me but Robert stares at me in a way that makes me feel smaller than a grain of egg fried rice. There’s no chance to rectify the situation in the flurry of activity as empty containers are stacked and leftovers touted about and I regret what I said. Robert is someone I want to think well of me.
After dinner we go to the front room and provide a dutiful audience whilst Lola acts out a scene from The Lion King. I’ve seen it before. Actually, I think I helped her learn the lines. It’s late, though, and Lola can’t stop yawning, so Paula takes her upstairs for a bath, and just as Robert gets up to drive me home, his phone rings.
“Aaron, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to take this call and I could be a while…”
“That’s OK.” After my transgression at the dinner table the last thing I want to be is an inconvenience.
“I can run you home,” Jay says with a smile so forced that I’m sure he’s only doing it to impress his father. It works and as Robert rubs a hand over his son’s head on his way past, I can almost see the thought bubble appear above his head: my son is the best. Or something more eloquent.
Hannah comes out with me as I fetch my coat.
“Sorry about Jay,” she says with a sigh.
“I thought he was meant to be a nice guy?” I say.
“He was.” Hannah shrugs. “University is turning him into an arse.”
But Jay is golden. He is fanciable no matter what he looks like. He’s nice however he behaves. For guys like him, there will always be an excuse.
“Break it up, snuggle puppies.” Jay radiates irritation as he stalks out of the door. “Hannah, are you coming too?”
She is, which means I’m in the back because Hannah gets carsick. Jay makes a joke about evening sickness and I get a kick out of informing him that pregnancy hasn’t made Hannah ill. I know he was only joking, but it’s fun to be arsey to an arse. Obviously Hannah doesn’t think so since her shoulders are creeping up with every bit of one-upmanship Jay and I engage in. I’ll stop.
It isn’t long before I discover that Jay drives like a maniac. After he drives straight over the middle of one those painted roundabouts, I hear Hannah hiss at him to slow down. He drops to a petulant ten miles an hour below the speed limit.
The journey passes in silence before Hannah starts directing Jay to my house, until he pulls up outside, a squeal of the tyre scraping the kerb.
“Thanks for the ride,” I say.
“You talking to me or Hannah?” Jay laughs as I get out. I stop for a moment as the door shuts. I try to walk away, but I find myself opening Jay’s door, leaning in until my face is close to his ear and I can see my knuckles are white as I grip the doorframe so hard that I lose the feeling in my fingertips.
“I don’t know if you’re being a twat because it comes naturally” — my voice is quiet and precise — “or because you’ve been studying it, but that’s your stepsister you’re talking about.” I take a breath and tighten my grip on the door. I must not let go. Of the door. Of my temper. “Show some fucking respect.”
I swing the door with the full force of my outrage and turn away. There’s no clunk as it shuts — instead I catch Hannah’s voice issue a warning “Jay…” at the same time as a shove from behind sends me sprawling onto the bonnet with a squeak and a thunk.
Scrabbling upright, I swing round to find Jay right in my face. “I don’t know what you think you know about me. But you don’t get to talk to me like that.”
My hands squeeze up between my chest and his so I can push him out of my space. Bad idea. He pushes me back harder. I don’t mean to grab his shoulder to stop myself from toppling backwards, but there you go. All of a sudden I am in a fight. There’s a sting on my jaw where his knuckles catch me, but I know exactly how much it hurts to throw a punch so I yank a fistful of his top and twist so he falls face first onto the bonnet.
How can I stop this? I need to shut things down. I can’t be here, I can’t do this…
But Jay’s back up and swinging at me. I jump back and pain blossoms as his fist catches me full in the nose, then that’s it — I’m lunging for him with my hands balled up, aiming for his head. I catch a hit somewhere and we’re grappling and shoving. I kick out and at the same time I see a splatter of blood fly across his jeans. Jay’s thumb is digging painfully into my jaw as he pushes my face away and I reach up and clamp my hand around his wrist as I ball my fist up, ready to—
“STOP IT!”
The scream is right in my ear and it rings in my hearing along with the blood pounding in my head.
“Just fucking stop it!” Hannah is shouting at Jay now and she’s between us, pointing a very straight finger at his face, daring him to disobey. Jay says nothing, licking his split lip and shaking his hand out, reminding me of the pain in my own. My nails are digging into my palms and my whole arm feels jarred. The ache I feel in fingers I once broke reminds me why this was such a bad idea.
“Get back in the car, Jay.”
He doesn’t move.
“Just do as I say — all right?” Hannah looks weary and Jay switches his gaze from me to her before doing as she says.
He shoulders his way past me, forcing me to stamp down a burning need to pull him back and lay into him once again.
Instead I walk towards my front door, Hannah following me up the path.
“OK, so now we’re even,” I say with a thin smile. “I save you from Marcy and you save me from Jason.”
“It’s not funny, Ty.”
I close my eyes. I wish she wouldn’t call me that.
“I know. I’m sorry. I just…” I bump my head gently onto the window in the door and rest it there. “He was being such a tool.”
Hannah says nothing. A car turns into the road and in the sweep of its headlights I catch the glisten of tears in her eyes.
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth. Your stepbrother is a class A—”
“He’s the father.” The whispered words are so quiet I could have imagined them. I want to have imagined them. “Jay’s the father of my baby.”