Alistair choked, horrified as he’d never been in his whole life.
The anger that surged in him was visceral, a raw feeling directed at himself and fed by the loathsome memories of violence and his perverse behavior. I should have gotten rid of everything. I should never have introduced Sophia to this world.
He clenched his jaw with so much force that his teeth gnashed. He walked around her, searching for more marks, but found none.
The sight of Sophia’s bowed head, her long hair partly concealing her face, partly covering her arms and breasts made his anger disappear, replaced by a deep despair. “Why, Sophia? Tell me, why?” His voice sounded hollow.
She shrugged as she pulled her swimsuit up. “I needed to know what it was like,” she explained as she put on her caftan. “Where you would take me.”
She flung the doors of the balcony open and walked out, breathing in the cold fresh air.
Quietly, he followed her, feeling disoriented and unsettled.
She caught her breath as his hands gently rested on her shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Sophia.”
Sophia turned and looked up into the forest green eyes that she so loved. “I’m sorry too. It was stupid. I didn’t-”
“Nae,” he put a finger on her lips and shook his head. “I am sorry. So very sorry. What you did, what you experienced alone,” he shook his head, horrified, “it’s completely different from what a submissive experiences with her dominant. When a dominant inflicts pain it’s because the sub craves it. It’s like a runner’s high. The pain generates endorphins for those who like it.”
“I don’t like pain,” she whispered. “As I said a gentle slap or two is okay. But not this kind of pain.”
“Very well. That is a hard limit for you and I respect it. But let me explain one thing - and try to listen without labeling it. There are many ways of experiencing sex. We have already done role-playing more than once. Me, blindfolding and bonding you. You, wearing a French maid costume for me; and when you blindfolded me. What you call that?”
She searched his face for a clue, but found none. “Err... fulfilling our fantasies?”
“Aye, and that could be included in the category of light BDSM too. Although we didn’t plan or discuss it, or set safe-words or agreed on boundaries, many participants of kink would say that you have acted both as a submissive and as a dominatrix. With no pain involved.”
Sophia’s mouth fell open.
Alistair smiled at her reaction. “I ceded control to you when you blindfolded me. And you gave me control over you when you let me bind you.”
“But-but-”
“Have you looked at the links I sent you?”
“No,” she answered. “I should have, but...”
“Let’s do it together then. I should have told you what kind of role-play I enjoyed. We have lots of time to talk about this and we can negotiate our limits and boundaries. There are things I’d like to do, but if you don’t like them, I won’t even consider role-playing with you, because it will damage our trust in each other. It will damage our relationship and you in a harmful emotional way. And even if you agree to something and in the middle of a role-play decide that you don’t like it, I would immediately stop. Do you understand that, Sophia?” He searched her eyes as many emotions crossed her transparent face.
Not quite, but I can try. But let’s set some limits here. “So, let me see if I got this right. No pain, no humiliation, no abuse. If I say no, it’s no. If I agree to something, I can ask you to stop if I change my mind.”
Hmm. That’s it, Sophia! He nodded and controlled the naughty smile that threaten to split his lips. You and I will do great scenes together.
“But let me make myself clear here, Alistair Connor, I’m no submissive. I don’t like that label and I don’t like to be ordered around. In fact,” a naughty smile appeared on her face, “I’ll probably be ordering you around.”
We’ll see. He snorted but let her finish what she was saying.
“I can role-play, I can indulge in some previously agreed fantasies. It spices up the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you can order me around.”
“Agreed. We’ll go through all those things together. I- I have to apologize for not being completely forthcoming with you from the beginning.” He locked his eyes on hers, for a full minute, hypnotizing her. “Let me make this right.”
Yes, please do. She raised a questioning eyebrow, “How?”
“Marry me. Let me love you for the rest of my life.”
Yes! “Y-” She stopped, uncertain. Dammit, Sophia, say yes!
For a heartbeat, Alistair was sure she would accept. “We have a standoff, it seems.”
“A standoff?”
“Indeed. You keeping saying no. I’ll keep saying yes. I can be as stubborn as you are. I have no intention of changing my mind.”
And I will capitulate. I’m not strong enough to keep you at bay. Sophia looked away.
Jaw clenched, Alistair walked to the dressing room and, an instant later, he was back behind Sophia. He caged her body inside his arms, bent his head and kissed her neck, nipping at her earlobe.
His movement caught her by surprise and she moaned incapable of holding back her pleasure.
“I love you, Sophia. Say yes,” he murmured in her ear, as his big warm hands squeezed her waist softly. Say yes. Say yes. He stepped closer, his warmth tantalizing.
She whirled in his arms. Sophia felt utterly conflicted. All she wanted to do was run away like a scared rabbit. But that was all she couldn’t do, as he held her under his spell.
She closed her eyes and parted her lips, inhaling a desperate mouthful of air. Before she could open her eyes, his lips took hers, commanding, demanding, ravaging her senses and his hand closed over her breast.
When he broke the kiss, the need to feel his mouth on hers again pulsed through every cell of her body and she leaned into him, consumed by the intensity of his gaze, unable to speak a single word.
All her reasons for saying no suddenly seemed so banal and incongruous. Yes, Alistair Connor! Yes!
Time stopped and Alistair waited as she mused, analyzing her feelings.
Yes, I love you.
Yes, I’ll marry you.
She opened her mouth to answer him, but no words left her mouth. She was paralyzed by the realization.
“Sit,” he pointed to the armchair and knelt on one knee when she sat down. He breathed deeply and took an old jewel box from his pocket, “I love you, Sophia.”
She breathed unsteadily. I love you too.
“I had this hidden in the picnic basket,” his voice was husky. “I had a whole speech rehearsed. But you said no...” He opened the box. “It was my mother’s. When I told my father I was going to propose, he suggested I give it to you. My father gave it to my mother when they married. It was her favorite ring.”
A twenty-six carat fancy deep grayish-blue pear shaped diamond set in white diamonds gleamed at her.
“It’s- It’s wonderful,” she murmured softly.
Hm. Good sign. You didn’t say no. Inwards he sighed relieved, watching her bosom rise and fall rapidly. “It is?” Now, say yes.
She nodded, gazing down at it. “I’ve never seen such a magnificent diamond.”
“It’s called ‘The Blue Teardrop’.” He smiled at her. “This ring reminds me of you.”
She shook her head and gave him a ghost of a smile, “No way.”
He smiled, feeling more confident and completely besotted. “You never believe me when I tell you that you saved me. You did, sweetheart. I was living inside a deep dark well where no sunshine ever reached me. I was an addict headed to my grave. I was living on the scraps of humanity. Only you were capable of rescuing me.” He entwined his fingers with hers. “A ring reflects a person’s personality. You, your soul and your feelings are as transparent as the white diamonds. The set is unique just like you. It’s classic, elegant and eternal, with a daring touch. As for the blue diamond... Blue is the color of hope and peace. You are my hope of peace. Blue is the sky. You are my safe haven. You are my private heaven. You, Sophia! Only you. I want a happily ever after, not like in a fairy tale, but as a real family that relies on love, trust and friendship to enjoy the good things life brings and to overcome the bad, together.”