Chapter 12
It was not surprising that the next morning Elizabeth awoke somewhat later than usual. She reached across the bed for Darcy, whom she knew to have spent the entire night in her arms, only to find him now gone. It was just as well, for discovery would only add to their current difficulties. She gazed out the window and saw the storm had not abated during the night, and with a contented smile, she snuggled deeper beneath the counterpane, recalling the many hours she had passed in blissful occupation with Darcy, a deep blush overspreading her cheeks.
Last night Darcy had made love to her with a tenderness that had left Elizabeth in no doubt of the depth of his feelings for her. Indeed, she had found the entire experience to be overwhelmingly intimate, profoundly beautiful, and immeasurably satisfying. Even afterward, as they lay spent in each other’s arms, Darcy’s concern for her comfort and her well-being remained great, as was his concern for the preservation of her reputation.
Without bothering to dress himself, Darcy had taken his discarded cravat and, walking to the washbasin, dipped it in the clean water. He then returned to her and, gently spreading her legs, had proceeded to cleanse all evidence of her maiden blood from her body, using the coolness of the water to soothe any physical discomfort she may have experienced. He had then checked the condition of the bed linens and, thanking the heavens there seemed to be no sign of a stain, tossed his soiled cravat onto the fire and returned to her. When she had questioned the necessity of such actions, he had explained he did not wish to leave any evidence behind to give one of the maids any cause, either for alarm or for gossip. Grateful for his solicitation, as well as his reassuring presence, Elizabeth had very soon drifted off to sleep, enveloped in his arms.
With a sigh and a strong desire to see Darcy, Elizabeth threw back the counterpane and rose, dressing herself in her discarded shift. She then rang for a maid and ordered her bath. She had just laid aside her wet towel and had wrapped a robe around herself when she heard a soft knock upon the door to her chamber.
“Lizzy?” Jane’s concerned voice called to her from the other side. Elizabeth bid her enter, and she soon saw her sister was carrying a fresh gown for her, most likely on loan from either Miss Bingley or Mrs. Hurst. She held it up and wondered how she would ever manage to fit into it, for Miss Bingley was rather taller than she and both ladies significantly less endowed.
“You look tired, Lizzy. I hope you have not slept ill.”
“No, not at all. I am fine, Jane. I am only a little distracted this morning; that is all.”
“I cannot say I am surprised to hear it. Oh, Lizzy, would but Mr. Collins had only minded his own business and never concerned himself with your affairs with Mr. Darcy. He cannot know what pain he gives us.”
“I beg your pardon, Jane,” she said with some distaste, “but I believe he knows precisely what he is about. Has it never occurred to you that in the wake of his disappointment, our cousin may harbor some degree of resentment toward me for having refused his suit? And, of course, he would be indignant on behalf of Lady Catherine and her daughter. Mr. Darcy is her favorite nephew, and I have accepted him, so it should only follow he should also suffer for having succeeded where Mr. Collins, himself, has failed.”
Jane was thoughtful for a moment. “I confess I had not considered that.”
“No, of course you did not. It is not in your nature to entertain such unscrupulous possibilities. You are far too good, Jane. I envy you your faith in the world.” They joined hands and sat companionably upon the bed for some time.
“Truly, you look pale, Lizzy. Are you certain you are well? You were not at all yourself yesterday.”
“I assure you, I am recovered enough now from the initial shock of Charlotte’s intelligence. Please do not worry yourself over me. My concern now is not so much for myself but for the rest of our family. You and I have had the good fortune to have made prudent matches with respectable gentlemen who happen to value and esteem us, but Mary, Kitty, and Lydia have yet to find husbands. I cannot help berating myself for acting so carelessly. I should have anticipated the very great possibility Mr. Darcy and I could easily have been discovered in a moment of… vulnerability. That it was Mr. Collins who came upon us only makes it all the more wretched.”
Jane hesitated. “Then it is true? You have permitted Mr. Darcy to take liberties with you?”
Elizabeth found it difficult to repress a mischievous smile at her sister’s unease. “Yes, I am afraid Charlotte’s report is accurate, in that respect at least. But please do not misunderstand me, Jane. It is not my intimacy with Mr. Darcy I regret, for I can never have any lamentation on that score. My only remorse stems from our unguarded behavior in a fairly public setting. We gave very little thought to any repercussions from our actions and even less to the possibility of discovery. I am afraid we have both been rather irresponsible.” If she only knew of what took place last night!
A blush spread across both their cheeks, and Jane asked in a whisper, “Was it very intimate, what you and Mr. Darcy shared? Was it… more than kissing?”
Elizabeth averted her eyes, unsure of what she should relate—certainly not their lovemaking from the previous night. “I… it was more, yes. To be honest, much more.” She dared a glance at Jane. “Are you terribly shocked?”
“No, not terribly, I suppose. I always suspected with your liveliness and your passion for life, you might be inclined to act far more impetuously than I ever could, Lizzy. Oh dear! Please, forgive me. I certainly did not mean to imply such a thing!”
Elizabeth only laughed. “Jane, please. You have said nothing at all that has caused me any offense. You are correct, though. I have never been, with regard to many matters, as conventional and reserved as our parents could have wished, nor so concerned with following the dictates of proper propriety as you undoubtedly are, especially where Mr. Darcy is concerned. As a matter of fact, my behavior, if you were aware of the half of it, would certainly shock you. Yet, still, I cannot bring myself to repent any of it. In fact, I would happily repeat it many times over. There. That, I am sure, must certainly succeed in shocking you.”
“Oh, Lizzy, it is not what I think nor what anyone else thinks that truly matters, but what you believe. Surely, if Mr. Darcy does not object to receiving your affections, then what business is it of the rest of the world? So dear as you are to me, you must know I would never judge you in such a manner. We are, both of us, very different in our own ways, yet in some ways we are similar.”
Elizabeth was surprised. “Jane, do you mean to tell me you have allowed Mr. Bingley to take liberties with you?” she teased.
Jane looked down and examined her lap. “Not so many, Lizzy. We have held hands, and I have allowed him to kiss me. On several occasions in particular, his kisses were very… expressive. If Mr. Darcy’s kisses are half so pleasant as Charles’s kisses are, then I can certainly comprehend how it could easily lead to greater acts of intimacy between the two of you.”
After such a bold declaration, Jane could not help blushing profusely, now more than eager to change the subject. “Enough. Now I will help you to dress, or you shall miss breakfast as well as supper.” As she assisted Elizabeth with her toilette, however, she fixed her with a sly look. “I am sure Mr. Darcy is quite anxious to see you, Lizzy. I do believe he would have come himself to inquire after you this morning if it had not been at all improper.”