She laid her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. “To this day, Fitzwilliam, I have no idea what Mr. Wickham said to you to make you lose control like that. Perhaps it is best that I never know, but after what has transpired this afternoon, I can imagine only too well what it probably was, and it is, perhaps that, more than anything else, which has me feeling so very much unlike myself tonight.”
Darcy stared at her with growing concern. “What do you mean ‘after what has transpired this afternoon,’ Elizabeth?” When she did not immediately answer him, he reached across the coach and placed his hand upon her knee. “Elizabeth, did something happen this afternoon that I should know about?”
Elizabeth took a deep breath and nodded. “Georgiana has revealed to me that she is aware that you and I have anticipated our wedding vows. It was not my intention to confirm or deny it, but the mention of such a subject quickly led to other questions she has had regarding trust and broken promises. She also shared something with me that was both very personal and extremely difficult for her. To be honest, I was stunned.”
Darcy could hardly believe his sister would have mentioned such a thing to anyone—even to Elizabeth—but he had to know for certain what he thought and what she had actually heard were, indeed, the same thing. “Did she tell you about Wi… about Ramsgate?” he asked.
Elizabeth nodded. “She told me everything. I am certain you, more than anyone, are well aware that Wickham’s treachery has greatly affected her self-confidence and her trust of others—of gentlemen in particular. A great deal of her distress this week has been owing to her belief that you, the one person she had felt she could trust implicitly not to behave in a similar manner had, in all actuality, seduced me, thus jeopardizing my reputation and causing all of our recent difficulties with Lady Catherine. I, of course, informed her that is far from the truth. I do believe I finally managed to convince her of it by the time we parted to dress for the theatre, but it does not lessen the guilt and mortification I must bear for our thoughtlessness and our total want of propriety while in company with others—your sister, especially. You must admit, Fitzwilliam, we have been far from discreet about hiding our gestures of intimacy toward each other since I have arrived in London. Even in Hertfordshire, there were times when we were less than careful.”
Darcy only looked at her, unable to say anything, his distress written on his face. “I am worried your sister is not the only one who knows for certain of our indiscretions,” Elizabeth admitted. “I am terrified to think of what my family would say if they were to find out, and I am very much afraid of the whole of London hearing that Mr. Darcy of Pemberley, who could have married any woman in the first circles of society, has chosen to marry, instead, a fortuneless country upstart whom he has taken as his… as his mistress.” She whispered the last word, tears welling up in her eyes.
Darcy scoffed. “That is absurd, Elizabeth.”
“Is it?” she asked. “Lady Catherine said very much the same thing to you, did she not?”
His face paled. “Is this what you have been thinking all evening? Every time I touched you, was I making you feel as though you are my mistress?” She said nothing, only averted her eyes. Darcy crossed over to the other side of the carriage to sit beside her and cradled her face in his hands. Elizabeth swallowed. Yet another breach of propriety.
“Elizabeth, please,” he pleaded. “Have I truly made you feel this way tonight?”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “No. At least not at first. It was not until we were in the lobby that I had begun to feel… oh, what is the point?” she asked tiredly. “The damage has already been done, has it not?”
Darcy’s voice was soft and regretful. “It was never my intention to draw attention to us or to cause a scandal; you know it was not. I have missed you, Elizabeth. The last four days have been more than difficult for me. Even though we have shared the same house and have seen each other daily, I have not had a moment alone with you, and it has been driving me mad. I have been praying for an opportunity to express my love and devotion to you beyond mere looks of longing from across the room or a chaste kiss upon your hand. Perhaps my box was not the best venue for such a show of affection, but I believed you would have felt much the same after being unable to have so much as a moment to ourselves.”
“Fitzwilliam,” she said gently, “by no means do I object to you expressing your love for me. It has always been something I have welcomed and cherished, but I must now ask that we at least try to refrain from being so unguarded with our affections when we are not in the privacy of our own home and within the sanctuary of our own family party. We have only to wait two days, and we shall be husband and wife. I realize it has been difficult; it has been so for me, as well, but please, we must at least consider Georgiana and her feelings, not merely our own.”
Darcy colored. “I suppose I had hoped any speculation about us would simply disappear upon the arrival of our wedding day. I have been completely irresponsible in more ways than just one.” He raised her hand to his lips and bestowed a lingering kiss upon it as he caressed a curl at the nape of her neck. “I will endeavor to control myself when I am in your presence, my love. My uncle”—and here, he had the decency to blush—“has also alluded to our familiarity on occasion but has pledged his support and that of my aunt no matter what occurs. I confess his reassurance in this quarter may have lulled me into a false sense of security. The earl is a very powerful man, and he is truly taken with you, you know.”
Elizabeth flushed, as well, and raised her hand to his cheek. A slow smile warmed Darcy’s features. “Do you have any idea how exquisite you look this evening?” he murmured as his lips caressed her palm.
Elizabeth leaned toward him and placed a kiss upon his lips. “Indeed,” she whispered, “I would not know, Fitzwilliam, for I have been far too preoccupied with the handsome gentleman before me to notice.”
Chapter 19
Darcy raised the shades and resumed his proper place on the other side of the carriage just before the play ended and the patrons began to file out of the theatre and into the street. Rather than leaving Bingley, Jane, Georgiana, and Colonel Fitzwilliam to wander about in search of Elizabeth and him, Darcy waded into the fray to find them. After being accosted by numerous acquaintances inquiring about the identity of his beautiful companion and wondering where she had disappeared to, he finally returned to the coach with the rest of their party. While Bingley ordered his own carriage and assisted the ladies, Colonel Fitzwilliam took his cousin aside. “Is all well, Darcy?” he asked with a furrowed brow.
“Yes, Fitzwilliam, perfectly well. Elizabeth only required a bit of fresh air.”
The Colonel then raised his brow, and Darcy sighed. “Very well. I fear I have kept my word very poorly this evening, and believe me, Elizabeth has already had much to say on the subject. Fear not. I believe I have finally learned my lesson and will attempt to behave myself until Saturday. After that, I cannot be held accountable for my behavior, and you will just have to accustom yourself to my having an extremely pretty wife whose fine eyes may tempt me to act as I would not otherwise in polite company. But, as I promised Elizabeth, I shall endeavor to show my affection for her only when we are within our own family circle, and not until after our wedding. Will that do, Fitzwilliam?”