His indifference stung. “Well, I can just go if that’s easier for you.” I winced at the surrender in my voice.
“Whatever you want, Capri,” he said walking past me into the kitchen not even looking at me. Why wouldn’t he look at me?
“I want to know what’s going on,” I said hearing him closing and opening drawers.
“I’ve just been busy, Capri, trying to get things sorted.” The sound of my full name from his mouth was starting to dig into me. I stood in the apartment, still only one step in when he came out and grabbed his keys off the hook directly next to me. The blast of his scent momentarily filled an emptiness in my gut.
I watched him, my head following his movements—reaching over me, picking up the keys with one finger, pulling his hand back, and stuffing them into his pocket. He didn’t look at me.
He stood by the door holding it open for me but busied himself looking around the apartment as if he were checking to make sure things were in their place. Look at me.
“Look at me,” I said evenly, not taking my eyes off his.
His eyes looked up in a pause then darted to mine quickly, latching on for a brief and transcendent moment when my entire world’s meaning was defined within one blink. Then they were gone and back on the ceiling. “You ready?” he asked with despondent words.
I forced my legs to take the single step back out of the apartment, and then turned my back on him and faced the hallway. I felt the movement of air as the keys came out of his pocket and he locked the door. Then it stilled. I held my breath not wanting to disturb the way the particles had frozen around us.
They blasted back to life when he came around to stand in front of me. I immediately looked up to his eyes that were staring over me. His hands gripped onto my shoulders and his lips pressed firmly against my forehead. I let out an audible breath with the sudden contact and my heart constricted in my chest grabbing onto it. Then he pulled away just as swiftly and walked away without a backward glance.
I’d often wondered if his eyes would hold more meaning had I been able to paint them in color. For once, I felt like only black and gray would do justice to the pain I saw in his eyes. The darkened tone added a morose and sullen feel that I wished I didn’t have to paint, but I did. I couldn’t get rid of the heavy feeling in my stomach that I’d had all day. Painting his stare was the only way I knew to calm my uneasy heart.
I knew Wes was hurting, but that didn’t make his dismissal of me any less painful. We’d come so far in weaving such an honest and brave relationship together. Now, I couldn’t help but feel like we were unraveling. The more he pulled away, the harder it was for me to hang on. I just wish there was something I could do for him, or for Blue. If I could alleviate any of the worry or the stress, I would in a heartbeat.
I sat back in my stool and sighed, wishing away those haunted eyes. I wanted my Wes back. I knew relationships had its ups and downs, but what if your partner shut you out on the downs, or even worse, walked away? I covered my hand over my waist trying to stop the flipping of my stomach.
Something drew my attention away from my painting. I glanced up quickly and saw the streaks from my paintbrush ornament bouncing light across my desk. I loved this time of day. Just as the sun was setting, it sent its rays into the ornament hanging in front of my window and sent the glare of a rainbow into my room. Even though I couldn’t make out the colors, I knew they were there, dancing across the white of my room. Even before he knew of my colorblindness, Wes was coloring my world.
The light set a glare on the picture in the corner of my desk. I picked it up and smiled at the photo of August and me with our grandfather. Suddenly, it hit me. My inheritance.
My grandfather had left August and I each a small sum of money when he passed. August used his share to pay off his house. I’d put mine away for school, but now that I had withdrawn, it was sitting there in an account waiting. Waiting for someone who needed it. Waiting for Blue.
In the time that I’d spent at Wes’ place, I’d learned that noon to a tattoo artist was the equivalent of seven a.m. to the rest of us. With how late they worked into the night, I could see why. Sometimes Wes wouldn’t get home until well after midnight from the shop.
I had no idea if Blue worked last night, or if he was a rare early riser. Just in case I was about to become his wake-up call, I’d brought over takeout to soften the blow.
The stairs squeaked under my steps. “Yer lucky yer pretty,” Blue’s voice came from the open window where I stopped to pick a rock out of my shoe. I smiled dropping the pebble onto the landing when he opened the door. “I wouldn’t open the door for any of those ugly asshats this early in the morning.”
“Good afternoon, Blue.” I smiled holding out the takeout.
“And you feed me? Ya sure you ain’t interested in a wrinkly old man with an oxygen tank?” I cringed, and Blue took the bag from my hand, stepping aside so I could go in.
“How are you feeling?” I asked taking a glance around. I hadn’t expected the place to be so tidy from what I’d seen in the carport.
“Same as any other day.” He coughed, unpacking his food at the table mumbling his approval of the breakfast burrito I’d brought. He motioned for me to sit at the table with him. “Ya wanna coffee or anything?”
“No, thanks.” I smiled pulling out the old wooden chair. It reminded me of a set my grandfather had with an intricate floral pattern carved into the top of the backrest.
“Good, ‘cause I only got beer.” He smiled taking a giant bite of the burrito. I took my time glancing around the kitchen as he chewed. I was again surprised at how clean and taken care of his place was. I didn’t know why, but I expected Blue’s place to look more like him. I anticipated something more weathered and worn reflecting the time passed on its surface. I supposed he kept life locked away like he did with his memories out in the carport.
“We need to get you eating better, Blue.” I cocked my eyebrow playfully at him.
“Oh hell, not you, too,” he mumbled around a full mouth making me giggle.
“Maybe we should get you a lady friend to come spend some time with you and make sure you’re taking care of yourself,” I teased.
“As much as I like the idea of a lady friend taking care of some of my needs,” he waggled his eyebrows and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at how much it was like Wes, “my time for women has come and gone.”
“Oh, come on. You may not be a sweet talker, but I bet there are plenty of women out there who appreciate a dirty mouth on a man.” I leaned back into my chair getting more comfortable. Blue laughed a deep belly laugh and pointed at me.
“I know there are, but that’s not what I mean. There’s only one woman who was ever for me. She came and went, and there ain’t none of my heart left for anyone else.”
“Oh, Blue.” I put my hand over my heart and started to apologize, but he cut me off.
“Nah, don’t start pitying me any more than you already do. She’s gone by my own dumbass doing, happily married off somewhere else.” He stuffed the rest of the burrito into his mouth and chewed with his eyes fixed on the foil wrapper. So that was where all his stuff came from. He didn’t want to let her go.
“I bet I already know why you’re here.” He burped, changing the subject, and tossed his wadded up napkin on the table. “He came by yesterday. Told him I didn’t want it. That little asshole came back two hours later with the information to my new health account.”
“What?” I sat forward in my chair.
“Wes, sweetheart. He came by trying to give me his money. When I told him to shove it up his loose ass, he went and took care of shit himself. Now I ain’t too proud to accept the help. Learned a long time ago when to put yer foot down and when to be thankful, but I still ain’t happy about it.” I stood up and shuffled to the kitchen with his trash. Holy crap. Wes came by already and set up an account for Blue?