I twist around to strain the pasta in the sink and see that he’s staring at me intently. “I think you wanted to go to the bar because you scented me faintly in that hotel. I never go into human bars either, I think I scented you too.”
I start plating our food. “I think you might be right.”
“I am.”
“Hey, I moved across the country for you. That wasn’t easy. I left civilization, fully intent on living on this commune with you and our sons. I’m here to give this a real chance. I guess I just wasn’t ready to do that when we first met. I’m a self-employed professional author and running my own business. I couldn’t just hook up with a stranger and relocate. I have a mortgage. A car. A house full of furniture. I had to rearrange deadlines and let my readers, my assistant and my editors know I’m on another break. It’s a whole thing. I figured if this all went bad and you didn’t want me, at the very least we could have custody of the boys fifty-fifty. I could do my best to live in a town that is reasonably close to the commune, while still having civilization, so that they could spend time with you during all their school holidays and summer breaks.”
He’s holding my hand, lost in thought and rubbing my skin with his thumb. “You’ve thought this through.”
“Yes. I really believe I can continue my work here. Since you have satellite internet all I need to continue my work here is for us to squeeze a small desk into a corner of our bedroom and I’m good.”
He looks down at our joined hands, frowns and let’s go of me. “A human used to living in large mega cities cannot suddenly enjoy life on an orc commune.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I bet lots of the women who live here now used to live in big cities. And now they’re perfectly happy.” I twirl some spaghetti onto my fork, lean forward and offer it to him.
“No.” Whelan meets my gaze. “No, Drew.” He quietly finishes all his pasta in record time, wipes his face clean with a cloth napkin and stands. Then he unclicks both of our sons from their bouncers and carries them away, leaving me alone at the table. “I’ll clean it all up later,” he growls over his shoulder.
“Ugh,” I groan, propping my chin in my hands.
Ten minutes later I rejoin my husband and babies in the nursery. “Let me help.”
He looks over his shoulder and gives a curt nod.
I take the comfy chair in the corner and start breastfeeding Owen while Whelan changes Bran’s diaper and then puts our other son in his pajamas. I can’t help but be happy and at peace, having all my guys here with me. The babies are thriving and happy to be with their father. Coming to the commune was certainly the right decision. I just wish Whelan would let me in further and stop pushing me away. I understand all his reasons but that doesn’t make them any easier.
I look down at my son’s tiny green hand against my chest and the smooth skin of his precious face. Gorgeous. He bites on my nipple in his eagerness to get his fill and I shift him to a better position. Then I glance up at Whelan’s wide back. “I wish you were there for their birth,” I say with complete honesty.
“I wish I’d been there too.”
“No, really. I’m sad you weren’t there.”
“Yes.” Then he turns around and marches over with Bran in his arms. “Tell me female,” he demands, “why do you want to stay here with me?”
“Because I want what’s best for the babies. They weren’t doing well on the outside and I learned they needed you. And…and I need you too. I’ve already said this before. I told you I’m here to try and make this work.”
“Try,” he mutters.
“I know you hate it when I say that word…” I pause to pluck Owen off my breast because he’s finished. I reach up and carefully hand him off to Whelan. In exchange he gives me Bran who I put against my other breast so my other boy can get his fill. Then I lean back in the chair again. “But that’s what we’re doing,” I say as Whelan strides away with Owen in his arms. “We’re trying to make this work between us.”
“Orcs don’t try to remain with their Brides. We are physically mated. Your commitment isn’t at the same level as mine.”
Ouch. “Well...” I toss my hair over my shoulder. “I’m actually not certain yet of your commitment either.”
He snorts with disbelief and looks over at me from the changing table. “I called you my Bride that first night when I took you. I gave you my seed countless times until I passed out. You know of my commitment.”
“No. I don’t. I know of your commitment to the boys. But as far as I know you’re just waiting for me to leave so you can finally be alone with them. I think you only want me as a way to breed more sons. You don’t want me, you just want more offspring.”
He fully turns with a look of shock on his harsh features. “You really believe that nonsense?”
Oh, damn. “Maybe,” I grumble. No, not really. I don’t believe it at all.
He shakes his head and doesn’t say anything else to me, probably wondering if I’ve lost my mind. I mean, maybe I have? This man has no idea how much I want him, all of him and maybe I am going a bit insane at his constant rejection. He smells so good and he’s so close, but unobtainable.
Eventually Bran finishes feeding too. I kiss both my twins goodnight. Whelan puts both our bundled babies into their cribs and turns on their soothing mobiles. We both quietly step out of the nursery and he closes the door behind us.
Now we’re together in the hall, so very close. The top of my head barely reaches his shoulders and I’m staring hard at his green muscled chest and corded neck. He’s gazing down at me with dark lust and I can feel the heat radiating from his body.
I take a step closer and put my hand on the hot skin of his bare chest.
He reaches down and places a warm, heavy hand on the back of my neck. “Your arousal is causing you agitation because you require relief?”
“Yes,” I whimper. “That’s exactly the problem.”
He lowers his head and captures my lips and I’m in heaven. I sigh with delight. Maybe he’s intent on bringing me relief? We haven’t kissed in a year and it’s still as wonderful as I remember. I love the scrape of his large teeth and the boundaries of those tusks. He tastes amazing. Whelan groans and deepens the kiss.
I reach up and dig my fingers into his fabulous hair and rub myself against that amazing erection.
His lips and tusks leave a hot trail down my neck. His other hand moves to my waist, so very close to my breast. A growl rumbles in his chest and he breaks off the kiss. “No,” he pants.
“No?”
“It is normally my job to make sure you are always pleasured but I will only fuck you again when I am certain of your commitment.”
“Whelan, I’m staying. I’ve moved here with the babies. How many times do I have to say this?”
He leans in and hisses, “It’s not only that. You kept my sons from me for a whole year. I missed their birth.”
Anger courses through my veins. “Yes, you are the father and you deserved for me to tell you. But I’m not simply a body for you to breed and an oven for you to grow offspring. I’m a person with actual feelings. I had to think everything through, alone, without you there to talk me into anything I didn’t want. I knew I immediately wanted to keep the babies, so there was that. Then everything else grew from there. And it’s not like I’ve kept your babies secret from you for the last decade. They are only three months old. We can make up for time lost. I’m here Whelan. I’m here…”