To my amazement, they never came.
“How many others know?”
“Just the Head, Jenny, and perhaps a couple of teachers. Why?”
“Look, this is heavy, right?”
“Just a bit.”
“So your parents don’t even know, right?”
“My Mum’s dead, there is just my Dad and he will probably kill me if he finds out.”
“If! Surely he must be blind and stupid if he can’t see the truth?”
“I suppose he’s a bit of both, but then I sort of hide things when he’s around.”
“So, you are a bit short of friends, right now?”
I laughed. “Apart from Jenny, I don’t have any.”
“Would you object if I was a friend?”
I looked at him.
“Dave, you don’t..”
“Shh, don’t tell me what I need and don’t need. You need a friend, and I want to be there for you. I’ll be honest, I fancy you rotten, and I find I don’t really care what you are legally. To me you are a stunningly beautiful girl, who is as lonely as fuck, and on whom life has severely pissed on. So, short of being shagging friends, can we at least be friends?”
I started to cry. Of all the reactions I expected, this was the most unexpected and disconcerting. I felt his arm slide over my shoulders, and I leaned towards him, and he held me close, his cheek against my temple.
“It’s okay. Really, it’s okay,” he repeated, over and over again.
I don’t know how long we were there for, but eventually he slowly disentangled himself. He looked at me, and I saw his eyes glint in the headlights of a passing car.
“Sandi, are you okay?”
I nodded. Unsure whether I could trust myself to speak.
He gently kissed my forehead, and I looked up in surprise. His next kiss was on my lips. I responded, and we kissed for several seconds.
“You even kiss like a girl,” he said. I sensed him smiling.
“How many blokes have you kissed?” I teased.
“None, and I don’t intend to, ever,” he said, and it almost made me cry again.
“I thought you said, just friends?” I said.
“Do you mind?”
“Don’t be silly.” I said, and I saw his teeth gleam as he smiled.
“That is my first kiss, ever.” I admitted.
I felt his hand on my chin, and he lifted my face and kissed me again.
This time I responded with as much passion as I could, and I was left completely breathless with desire.
He broke off.
“Do you like it?”
“Don’t be silly.” I said.
He laughed, and opened the door. The interior light came on, and he looked at me.
“Your mascara has run, so you may want to fix it.”
Using the vanity mirror behind the sun flap, I licked a tissue and cleaned myself up.
I got out of the car, so then we walked slowly back to the bar. He placed an arm around my shoulders.
I stopped and looked at him.
“Dave, I don’t want you to get hurt by anything I do.”
He smiled.
“I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, so do you mind if I just stay for the ride, and see where it takes us?” he said.
I stared at him, speechless.
“What?” I asked, eventually, and incredulously.
“You heard.”
“But you don’t know me.”
“I know more than I did. And I feel the same about you, girl, so just accept that I am now part of your life for as long as it takes.”
I wrapped my arm around his waist, and gave him a hug.
“But I’m not a proper g…”
He put one finger to my lips.
“Don’t ever mention that again. Ever.” he said, rather harshly.
He then kissed me again, and I felt all warm and fuzzy.
We returned to the bar, and Jenny was making strange faces at me. I had to laugh.
The guys left, and Dave openly kissed me in front of everyone.
Jenny was agog to find out what had happened between us.
“I turned round and you two had gone. What happened?”
“We went to his car, and I told him the truth.” I said.
“No? How did he take it?”
“He made me cry. He told me he loved me, and that he would stand by me through everything I have to go through. He told me that as far as he was concerned, I was a girl, and that was all there was to it.”
She stared at me and, to my surprise, she had tears in her eyes.
She gave me a big hug.
“Oh, thank God. You’ve now got two friends to help you.”
I hugged her back.
“That’s two more than last week,” I said, and we both laughed.
I went home and slept well, dreaming of more than kissing my first boyfriend.
Life groaned on, the weekend passed, and Dave was involved with his family. Jenny was busy, and I met her on the bus to school on Monday morning. I was a little more effeminate this time, and she grinned at me conspiratorially.
The day passed, and each time I saw Dave, he smiled at me, and I went all gooey. We had lunch together, and I saw Caroline talking with some other girls and looking my way.
It was a relief to get on the bus to go home at the end of the day. Thus passed the week, each day, I would be a little more effeminate, yet never actually crossing the line I had made.
Dad returned on Wednesday, and almost immediately was off again, only for one day, but it allowed me another evening as a waitress at the hotel.
* * *
I was more relaxed now, and the evening sped past. I wore more sensible shoes this time, so was spared such sore feet.
I returned home, and started to worry about the forthcoming meeting with the doctors and the head. My Dad was not going to be an easy nut to crack.
He returned on Sunday, and was very jovial. He took me out for Sunday lunch at a pub, and I caught him looking at me.
“I got a letter from your headmaster,” he said.
“Oh?” I said.
“I have to attend a meeting with him on Tuesday. Do you know why?”
“Yes,” I said, my heart in my mouth.
He stared at me for some time.
“Alex, look, I know that I have not really been around for you. But, I am not blind.”
I stared at him, my conversation with Dave coming back to haunt me.
“Neither am I stupid.”
I still stared.
“Do you know how much you look like your mother?”
I shook my head.
“Over the last few months, as most boys get bigger and hairier, you have become more and more effeminate. What with your long hair, earrings and everything, your whole body screams, girl, at me. Hell, several times I have had to pinch myself, it is as if your mother has come back to haunt me.”
I looked down at my hands. I saw the shaped nails, and even some of the varnish was still in the cuticles.
“Alex, are you gay?” he asked, bluntly.
I shook my head.
He frowned.
“Dad, ever since I was six, I wanted to be a girl.”
He stared at me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“How could I? You used to ridicule and swear at anyone you considered a poof.”
He nodded and looked hurt. I looked away.
“So, why the meeting?”
“Dad, I’m seventeen soon, and I want to change sex,” I said, with my heart in my mouth.
He stared at me, again. I saw the muscles in his face working, and was afraid.
“That bad, huh?”
I was surprised at his gentle tone, so I nodded.
“Is there any chance you are wrong?” he asked, still gently.
I shook my head.
“I’ve been on hormones too long. I could never be a proper man now, in any case,” I admitted.