“At least let me make you some breakfast. You can shower here, too, if you want. You’ll feel better once you’re clean and have some food in you,” I said, trying to get the image of her and Andy out of my head.
She seemed unsure. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t even be around you.”
“Please? We don’t have to talk about…anything. Just a shower and food, and then you can leave.”
She studied me for a moment before nodding. “Shower and food—that’s it. Then, I’m gone.”
“Deal.” I stood up and walked to my dresser. I pulled out a pair of my sweatpants and one of my shirts. “Here—you can wear these.”
I knew it was wrong, but I got some kind of sick satisfaction out of having her wear my clothes. I knew I should back off because she was Andy’s now, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted Andy to see her wearing my clothes. I walked out first to make sure that Ally wasn’t home. When I was satisfied that she wasn’t, I showed Emma where the shower was.
I left her alone and walked to the kitchen to start searching for food. I grabbed a bottle of water and a bottle of pills for her headache, and then I headed back to the bathroom. The door opened silently, and I walked in to put the bottles on the counter. I couldn’t help but look at the shower. The glass was fogged over, so I couldn’t see anything but her outline. I forced myself to turn and walk away before I did something stupid. I didn’t think she’d appreciate it very much if I decided to help her in the shower.
That thought brought back memories that I’d tried to bury. When we had been in London, I’d offered to help her shower. I’d promised to be good, but she hadn’t. I felt my body tighten as I remembered what that shower had led to. I focused all of my attention on making breakfast, so I wouldn’t think about things that could never happen again. There was no use torturing myself.
I finished making eggs and toast, and I put them on the table. I walked to the bathroom to let her know that the food was ready. I stopped short when I noticed the door hanging open. I knew she was gone before I even checked. Sure enough, when I walked into the bathroom, Emma was nowhere to be seen. Her clothes were still lying on the floor, and the pills and water bottle were gone. I rushed to the front door just in time to see her car go flying by.
Damn it.
“Jesse, what are you doing?” a voice called.
I looked over to see Ally walking up the sidewalk to the house. She stopped in front of me and looked up at me questioningly.
“I was just looking outside,” I lied.
She pushed past me and into the house. “Look, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to say those things to you. My body is all screwed-up from the baby, and I blame the hormones. Will you forgive me?”
“I understand you’re going through a lot, but damn, it’s like you weren’t even you.”
She hung her head. “I know. I just get so jealous when I think about Emma. I just want you to be mine. I was just starting to break through your barriers. Then, she walks back in, and everything goes to hell.”
“Ally, I think we need to talk. Let’s sit down on the couch.”
She eyed me warily as she walked to the couch and sat down. I followed and sat down in the chair across from her.
“Look, I’m just going to come out and say this. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I won’t lead you on.”
“What are you trying to say?” Ally asked quietly.
“I love you, Ally. I just don’t love you in the way you want. I told you that I would help you with this baby, and I will, but I won’t be its father. I can’t. Once you get on your feet, you’ll move on and find someone who cares about you the way you want, and he’ll make a great dad. It just can’t be me.”
“Why? Because you still love her?” she asked tearfully.
“It has nothing to do with Emma. Even if she hadn’t come back into my life, I still couldn’t do it. I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t want to lead you on. I’m sorry, Ally. I can’t make myself feel something for you if it’s not there.”
“If you gave us some time…”
“Ally, no. There is nothing there. Please let it go.”
I felt like the biggest asshole ever as tears streamed down her face. I never meant to hurt her.
“I understand,” she whispered. “I didn’t sleep any last night, so I’m going to take a shower and try to sleep before I have to go to work.”
I stayed silent as she stood and walked into her room. A few seconds later, she reemerged, carrying clean clothes. I winced as she walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. It was obvious that she was pissed off.
I stood and walked to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast I’d made for Emma. It was pretty obvious that she wasn’t going to eat it. My mind drifted back to last night. I’d kissed Emma even when I knew I shouldn’t have. She wasn’t mine anymore. She was Andy’s. I needed to accept that and let her go.
That was easier said than done. I tried to keep things in perspective. Yes, she’d kissed me back, but she’d been drunk. But she’d said my name in her sleep. That had to mean that she still felt something for me, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. I shouldn’t be happy about that, but I was. The part of me that was actually a decent guy kept reminding me that Andy would get hurt if anything happened between Emma and me. The other part of me—the part that was a prick—couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wanted Emma. The prick side of me was winning.
Just as I reached down and picked up a plate, I heard Ally scream in the bathroom. I dropped the plate, and it shattered everywhere. I paid no attention as I ran toward the bathroom. I threw the door open to see Ally standing by the sink.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She turned to glare at me. “Who the hell was here last night after I left?”
I glanced down at the pile of clothes in front of her. I’d forgotten to pick up Emma’s clothes after she’d snuck out. I cursed under my breath as I reached down and scooped them up.
“Who was it?” Ally demanded.
“Does it matter?” I asked.
I didn’t want to admit that Emma had been here. Ally had enough reasons to hate Emma without this.
“Yeah, it kind of does. It was Emma, wasn’t it?”
“It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“Of course it’s not. You didn’t bring her over here the minute I was out of the house?”
“It wasn’t like that. She needed help.”
“Sure, she did. Of course, it was you who she called instead of Andy. You remember Andy, don’t you? In case you’ve forgotten, he’s her boyfriend.”
“She didn’t ask for my help.”
“It doesn’t matter!” Ally shouted. “She will always be the most important thing to you!”
“Ally, just stop.”
She took a deep breath before she spoke again. “You’re right. I’m overreacting. I’m sorry.”
I had no idea where the hell these mood swings were coming from, but they fucking sucked. Ally had been acting like she was crazy half the time.
“Just forget it, okay?” I said.
“Yeah, I’ll forget it,” she said as she glanced up at me.
There was something in her eyes that chilled me to the bone. While she looked calm, her eyes said otherwise. They were filled with hatred so strong that I took a step back. For the first time in my life, I was scared of Ally and what she was capable of.
Chapter Eight: Emma
I didn’t tell Andy what had happened with Sam or Jesse. I didn’t want to make things hard for him at work with Sam, and I knew what would happen if I told him. Andy would beat the shit out of Sam for me. One thing was for sure—Andy never passed up the chance to fight. I didn’t tell him about Jesse for an entirely different reason. I knew he’d be mad at me for letting Jesse get that close. Plus, if I told Andy I’d ended up at Jesse’s, he would want to know how it had happened. Then, I’d have to tell him about Sam. It was a never-ending cycle of screw-ups. Andy and I would both be better off if I kept my weekend to myself.