I wanted to slap the stupid smile she was wearing right off her face.
“Get out of here,” Andy said quietly.
Ally laughed. “I’m going, I’m going. I just want to savor this for another minute or two. I always knew she was a slut. This just proves that I was right. Jesse has been gone for, what? A month? She barely waited a month before she moved on with his best friend.”
“Get out!” Andy roared.
Ally rolled her eyes, and then she turned and walked out. Andy waited until she closed the door before he rolled over to look at me. We both stared at each other, unable to think of anything to say.
“This can’t be happening,” Andy finally groaned as he looked away and stared up at the ceiling.
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“I do. We fucked up—big time. I’m sorry, Emma. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
That stung a little even though it shouldn’t. From what Jesse had told me, Andy slept with everyone without a second thought, but he now regretted sleeping with me. My eyes welled up with tears. This whole situation was a mess.
“Hey, don’t cry. I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that you’re Jesse’s girl—or at least, you used to be. You’re an attractive chick, but last night should have never happened. I didn’t invite you over with the intention of sleeping with you. I’m an asshole, but I’m not that big of an asshole.”
I gave him a weak smile as tears continued to flow. “I feel like I cheated on him. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help it.”
Andy sighed. “Look, we were both messed-up. There’s nothing we can do now. Let’s just pretend that it never happened and move on.”
“That’s a great plan—except Ally knows. She hates me, and she can use this against me. All of your friends know that I was with Jesse. If Ally tells them that I slept with you, everyone will think that I’m a slut. I don’t want that to get back to my school. I can’t handle that.”
“I’ll deal with Ally. She can be a hard-ass, but she’s my sister. She won’t say anything if I ask her not to.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded. “I’m sure.”
“Thank you. Andy?”
“What?”
“I need to go, but I’m naked.”
“Oh shit.” He laughed. “I’m so torn between embarrassing the fuck out of you or being the nice guy.”
“Andy, I will kill you.”
“Fine.” He threw the covers off of himself and stood.
My cheeks flamed as I stared at a naked Andy. “You’re an ass.”
“What? I’m just getting up, so I can get dressed. I’ll leave you alone to find your clothes.”
I stayed silent as he grabbed a pair of shorts and threw them on. He grinned as he walked to the door and opened it.
“See? I’m just being a nice guy.”
“Out!” I yelled.
He simply laughed again as he closed the door behind him. I waited a few minutes to make sure that he was really gone before I stood and started searching for my clothes. My bra and shirt were in the living room, so I searched until I found a baggy shirt of his to wear home.
When I opened his door and walked into the living room, he was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed my shirt, bra, and keys before slipping silently outside to where my car was parked.
I shook my head to push the memories away. What was done is done, and there isn’t a thing I can do to change it. I’d regretted sleeping with Andy for the last two years, but I’d accepted it. We’d made a mistake while drinking—that was all. We’d rarely talked about it since, and we had become really good friends after that night. Everything happened for a reason, and I knew that we never would have ended up as friends if I hadn’t gone over there that day.
I just hated that Jesse knew.
No, I didn’t hate that he knew. I hated the fact that I wasn’t the one who had told him. If things had worked out the way I’d hoped, I would have told him eventually…maybe. Of course, things never worked out the way I wanted. I’d never factored Ally into the equation, and she was the one who had screwed up everything. She always did. It was her fault that Jesse and I had split in the beginning. It was her fault that he’d left. It was her fault that he knew about what had happened between Andy and me. It was her fault that I couldn’t be with him now.
It was all her fault.
No, that last part wasn’t her fault. Jesse obviously wanted to be with her, or he wouldn’t be. She might be the reason that we weren’t together, but it was his choice to be with her now. I hated her for everything that she’d done, but I hated her for what she couldn’t control most of all. No matter how much she schemed, she couldn’t control his feelings for her. She couldn’t make him love her, but he did anyway.
I wanted this all to go away. I wanted to go back in time, to be back in California, living the life I’d had before Jesse had come into it and changed everything. I wanted to be the girl I had been before, the girl who had never been hurt. It was amazing how one person could walk into my life and change everything. I was tired of hurting over a man who had moved on. I wanted to move on, too. I just wasn’t sure how. It was obvious that going to Sam’s party hadn’t helped. It had only made things worse. I just wanted to forget everything that Jesse had made me feel. If I could do that, I would be okay.
It was time that I figured out what I wanted to do with my life instead of hanging on to the past. There was nothing left for me from back then. I needed to accept that and figure out where I wanted to go from here.
West Virginia was great, but I wasn’t sure that I could stay here. There was always a chance that I would run into Jesse or Ally here, and I didn’t need that. I needed to be far away from both of them. I knew Andy would understand. He always had. The only question was whether or not he would follow me if I didn’t go back to California. I knew he’d come to West Virginia to help me with Jesse, but if I left, there was no reason for him to go with me. I wasn’t sure how I would handle being on my own and starting over completely.
I knew I couldn’t stay here, but I didn’t want to go home either. So, where do I want to be? I knew my dad would help me get to wherever I wanted. I just wasn’t sure where my destination would be.
I thought about the colleges I’d applied to last year. There were several that I’d been interested in despite my need to find Jesse. I could go to one of them. I smiled as a plan began to form in my head. I would stay here until the semester was over, and then I was going to transfer to a new school.
I stood and walked to my desk. I grabbed a piece of paper and started writing down the schools that I’d been genuinely interested in—University of California, Washington State University, Florida State University, Boston University, New York University. The University of California was in Los Angeles - too close to home, so that one was out. It rained a lot in Washington, so that one was out, too. That left me with three choices. I stared down at the paper, trying to decide where my life would take me.
I finally decided on New York. It was pretty much as far away from home as I could get without leaving the country. Plus, tons of people were there. Surely, I’d find a friend and a way to start over.