TYME2WASTE Of course my survival skillz would amount to Twittering madly for someone to rescue us.
7:54 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Mom would make a slingshot out of rubber from the tires, kill squirrels with it, make a fur bikini out of ’em, and be sad when we were rescued.
7:56 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Dad would go out of his mind because we’d have to burn his books to stay warm.
8:00 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Eric would put on a pair of my pantyhose. Not to stay warm. Just ’cause my little brother wants to wear my pantyhose.
8:00 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I wrote that last bit ’cause Eric was looking over my shoulder.
8:02 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But the sick bastard said wearing my pantyhose is the closest he’ll probably come to getting laid in high school.
8:06 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE He’s completely gross but I love him.
8:06 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Mom taught him to knit while we were snowed in here in happy CO and he knitted himself a cocksock, and then she was sorry.
8:11 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I miss my blog, which she had no right to make me take down.
8:13 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But Twittering is better than blogging because my blog always made me feel like I should have interesting ideas to blog about.
8:14 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But on Twitter every post can only be 140 letters long. Which is enough room to cover every interesting thing to ever happen to me.
8:15 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE True. Check it out.
8:15 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Born. School. Mall. Cell phone. Driver’s permit. Broke my nose playing trapeze at 8–there goes the modeling career. Need to lose 10 lbs.
8:19 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Think that covers it.
8:20 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE It’s snowing in the mountains but not down here, snow falling in the sunlight in a storm of gold. Good-bye beautiful mountains.
9:17 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Hello not so beautiful Utah desert. Utah is brown and puckered like Judy Kennedy’s weird nipples.
9:51 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE @caseinSD Yes she does have weird nipples. And it doesn’t make me a lesbo for noticing. Everyone notices.
10:02 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Sagebrush!!!!!! W00T!
11:09 AM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Now Eric is trying on my pantyhose. He’s bored. Mom thinks it’s funny, but Dad is stressed.
12:20 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Dared Eric to wear a skirt in the diner to get our takeout. Dad says no. Mom is still laughing.
12:36 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I promised him if he does it I’ll invite a certain hot goth to the pool party in April so he can see her in her tacky bikini.
12:39 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE There’s no way he’ll do it.
12:42 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE ZOMG hes doing it. Dad is going into the diner with him to make sure he isn’t killed by offended Mormons.
12:44 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Eric came back alive. Eric saves the day. I’m actually glad to be in the van right now.
12:59 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Dad says Eric sat at the bar and talked football with this big trucker guy. Trucker guy was fine with the skirt and pantyhose.
1:03 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE He’s still wearing it. The skirt. He’s probably a total closet tranny. Sicko. Course that would be fun. We could shop together.
1:45 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE @caseinSD Yes we do have to invite a certain goth to the pool party now. She probably won’t even come. I think sunlight burns her.
2:09 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Every time I start to fall asleep, the van hits a bump and my head falls off the seat.
11:01 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Trying to sleep.
11:31 PM – 1 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I give up trying to sleep.
1:01 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Oh fuck Eric. He’s asleep and he looks like he’s having a wet dream about a certain goth chick.
1:07 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Meanwhile I’d have a better chance of sleeping if there were only steel pins inserted under my eyelids.
1:09 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I’m so happy right now. I just want to hold this moment for as long as I can.
6:11 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I just want to be home. I hate Mom. I hate everyone in the van. Including myself.
8:13 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Okay. This is why I was happy earlier. It was 4 in the morning and Mom pulled into a rest area and then she came and got me.
10:21 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE She said it was my turn to drive. I said my permit is only for driving in Cali, and she said just get behind the wheel.
10:22 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE She told me if I got pulled over to wake her up and we’d switch and everything would be all right.
10:23 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE So she went to sleep in the passenger seat and I drove. We were down in the desert and the sun came up behind me.
10:25 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE And then there were coyotes in the road. In the red sunlight. They were all over the interstate, and I stopped so I wouldn’t hit them.
10:26 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Their eyes were gold and the sun was in their fur and there were so many, this huge pack. Just standing there like they were waiting for me.
10:28 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I wanted to take a picture with my cell phone, but I couldn’t figure out where I left it. While I was looking for it, they disappeared.
10:31 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE When Mom woke up, I told her all about them. And then I thought she’d be mad I didn’t shake her awake to see them, so I said I was sorry.
10:34 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie