TYME2WASTE And she said she was glad I didn’t wake her up, because that moment was just for me. And for maybe three seconds I liked her again.
10:35 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But then in the place we ate breakfast I was looking at my e-mail for a sec. & I heard Mom saying to the waitress, We apologize for her.
10:37 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I guess the waitress was standing there waiting for my order and I didn’t notice.
10:40 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But I didn’t sleep all night and I was tired and zoned out and that’s why I didn’t notice, not ’cause I was looking at my phone.
10:42 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE And Mom had to trot out her stories about being a waitress herself and that it was demeaning not to be acknowledged.
10:45 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Just to rub it in. And she can be completely right and I can still hate the way she makes me feel like shit at every opportunity.
10:46 AM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I napped, but I don’t feel better.
4:55 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Dad of course has to go the slowest possible route by way of every back road. Mom says he missed a turn and added 100 miles to the trip.
6:30 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Now they’re fighting. OMG I want out of this van.
6:37 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Eric, I am psychically willing you to find some reason for us to get off the road. Put on the pantyhose again. Say you have to pee.
6:49 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Anything. Please.
6:49 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE No no NO Eric, no. I wanted you to think up a GOOD reason not to get off the road but not this . . . this is going to be bad.
6:57 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Mom doesn’t want to pull over either. Write it down, kids, first time in two years we’ve agreed on anything.
7:00 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Oh Dad is being a prick now. He says there was no point in taking back roads if we weren’t going to find some culture.
7:02 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE We are driving up to something called the Circus of the Dead. The ticket guy looks really REALLY sick. Not funny-sick. SICK-sick.
7:06 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Sores around his mouth and few teeth and I can smell him. He’s got a pet rat. His pet rat dived in his pocket and came out with the tickets.
7:08 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE No it wasn’t cute. None of us want to touch the tickets.
7:10 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Boy, they’re really packing them in. Show starts in 15 min., but the parking lot is ½ empty. The big top is a black tent with holes in it.
7:13 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Mom says to be sure to keep doing whatever I’m doing on my phone. She wouldn’t want me to look up and see something happening.
7:17 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Oh that was shitty. She just said to Dad that I’ll love the circus because it’ll be just like the internet.
7:18 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE YouTube is full of clowns, message boards are full of fire-breathers, and blogs are for people who can’t live without a spotlight on them.
7:20 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I’m going to tweet like 5 times a minute and make her insane.
7:21 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE The usher is a funny old Mickey Rooney type with a bowler and a cigar. He also has on a hazmat suit. He says so he can’t get bitten.
7:25 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I almost fell twice on the walk to our seats. Guess they’re saving $ on lights. I’m using my iPhone as a flashlight. Hope there isn’t a fire.
7:28 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE God this is the stinkiest circus ever. I don’t know what I’m smelling. Are those the animals? Call PETA.
7:30 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE I can’t believe how many people there are. Every seat is taken. Don’t know where this crowd came from.
7:31 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE They must’ve had us park in a secondary parking lot. Oh wait, they just flipped on a spotlight. Showtime. Beating heart, restrain yourself.
7:34 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Well, that got Eric and Dad’s attention. The ringmistress came out on stilts and she’s practically naked. Fishnets and top hat.
7:38 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE She’s weird. She talks like she’s stoned. Did I mention there are zombies in clown outfits chasing her around?
7:40 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE The zombies are waaay gross. They have on big clown shoes and polka dot outfits and clown makeup.
7:43 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE But the makeup is flaking off, and beneath it they’re all rotted and black. Yow! They almost grabbed her. She’s quick.
7:44 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE She says she’s been a prisoner of the circus for 6 weeks and that she survived because she learned the stilts fast.
7:47 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE She said her boyfriend couldn’t walk on them and fell down and was eaten his first night. She said her best friend was eaten the 2nd night.
7:49 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE She walked right up to the wall under us and begged someone to pull her over and rescue her, but the guy in the front row just laughed.
7:50 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Then she had to run away in a hurry before Zippo the Zombie knocked her off her stilts. It’s all very well choreographed.
7:50 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE You can totally believe they’re trying to get her.
7:51 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE They rolled a cannon out. She said, Here at the Circus of the Dead we always begin things with a bang. She read it off a card.
7:54 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE She walked up to a tall door and rapped on it, and for a minute I didn’t think they were going to let her out of the ring, but then they did.
7:55 PM – 2 Mar from Tweetie
TYME2WASTE Two men in hazmat suits just led a zombie out. He’s got a metal collar around his neck with a black stick attached.