are not right. But never mind. You don't want them to expel me, do
you?"
Korablev was silent, then he said: "And if I don't?"
"Then tell me what I have to do?"
"You must apologise to Likho."
"All right. But first let him-"
"I've spoken to him!" Korablev interrupted with annoyance. "He's
crossed out the 'idealism'. But the mark remains the same. Secondly,
you must apologise to Romashka too."
"Never!"
"But you admitted yourself that it wasn't right."
"All the same. You can expel me, but I won't apologise to him."
"Look here, Sanya," Korablev said gravely, "I had great difficulty in
persuading them to call you before a meeting of the Teachers' Council.
But now I'm beginning to regret taking all that trouble. If you come
there and start saying your 'Never! You can expel me!' they'll expel you
for certain. You may be sure of that."
He laid special emphasis on these words and I understood from his
expression whom he had in mind. Nikolai Antonich immediately
appeared before me, suave, smooth-spoken and verbose. That one
would do everything to get me expelled.
"I don't think you have the right to risk your whole future through
petty vanity."
"It isn't petty vanity, it's a point of honour!" I said warmly. "Would you
have me hush up this Romashka affair just because it affects Nikolai
Antonich, who has the power to decide whether I'm to be expelled or
not? Would you have me act so meanly? Never! I know why he'll insist
on having me expelled. He wants to get rid of me, wants me to go away
somewhere so's not to meet Katya. Not likely! I'll tell them everything at
the Teachers' Council. I'll tell them that Romashka is a cad and only a
cad would apologise to him." Korablev became thoughtful.
"Wait a minute," he said. "You say Romashov eavesdrops on the boys
and then reports to Nikolai Antonich what they say about him. But how
can you prove it?" "I have a witness—Valya." "Valya whom?" "Zhukov."
"H'm that's interesting," Korablev said. "Why has Valya kept quiet
about this? He's your chum, isn't he?"
"Romashka has some influence over him. He looks at him at night,
and Valya can't stand it. Besides, he made Valya give his word of honour
he would not babble about what Romashka had told him. Valya's a fool,
of course, to have given his word of honour, but once he's given it he
must keep his mouth shut. Isn't that so?"
Korablev stood up. He paced the room, took out a comb and tidied his
moustache, then his eyebrows, and then his moustache again. He was
thinking. My heart hammered, but I did not say another word. I let him
think. I even breathed more quietly so's not to distract him.
122
"Very well, Sanya. You're not schooled in cunning, anyway," Korablev
said at last. "Put the thing to the Teachers' Council exactly the way you
have told me. But on one condition—"
"What's that, Ivan Pavlovich?"
"That you keep cool. You just said, for instance, that Nikolai Antonich
wants to get you expelled because of Katya. You shouldn't say that at the
Council meeting."
"Ivan Pavlovich, what do you take me for? Don't I understand?"
"You understand, all right, but you get too excited. I tell you what,
Sanya, let's make this arrangement. I'll keep my hand on the table like
this, palm downwards, and you'll keep your eye on it as you speak. If I
start drumming the table, that means you're getting excited. If I don't,
you aren't."
"All right, Ivan Pavlovich. Thank you. When's the meeting?"
"Today at three. But they'll call you in a bit later."
He asked me to send Valya to him and we parted.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I BURN MY BOATS
It was an ordinary meeting in our small teachers' room, at a table
covered with a blue cloth with ragged tassels. But it seemed to me that
they were all looking at me with a sort of enigmatic, meaningful
expression. Korablev gave a laugh when I came in, and I thought:
"That's on purpose."
"Well, Grigoriev," Nikolai Antonich began in a mild tone, "you know,
of course, why we have called you to this meeting. You have distressed
us, and not only us, but, I may say, the whole school. Distress us by your
wanton behaviour, which is unworthy of the human society in which we
live, and to whose development we must contribute to the best of our
ability and powers."
I said:
"Please put your questions."
"Allow me, please, Nikolai Antonich," Korablev put in quickly.
"Grigoriev, tell us please where you spent the nine days since you ran
away from school?"
"I did not run away, I went to Ensk," I said calmly. "My sister lives
there and I haven't seen her for eight years. Judge Skovorodnikov can
confirm this-I stayed with him: 13, Gogolevskaya Street, formerly the
Marcouse Mansion."
If I had said frankly that I had spent those nine days with Katya
Tatarinova, who had been sent away to keep us from meeting each other
at least during the holidays, my words could not have had a more
disconcerting effect on Nikolai Antonich. He paled, blinked and cocked
his head sharply to one side.
"Why didn't you tell anybody you were going away?" Korablev asked.
I admitted that I was guilty of a breach of discipline and promised
that it would never happen again.
123
"Excellent, Grigoriev," said Nikolai Antonich. "Now that is an
excellent answer. It remains for us to hope that you will have just as
satisfactory explanations for your other actions."
He looked at me affectionately. His composure was marvellous! "Now
tell us what happened between you and Mr Likho." To this day I can't
understand why, in telling the story of my relations with Likho, I did not
mention a word about "idealism". It may have been because I
considered that since Likho had withdrawn his accusation there was
nothing to talk about. This was a bad mistake. Besides, I should not
have mentioned that I wrote my essays without referring to the "critics".
It did not go down well. Korablev frowned and laid his hand on the
table.
"So you don't like the critics?" Nikolai Antonich said dryly. "What did
you say to Mr Likho? Please repeat it word for word."
Repeat to the Teachers' Council what I had said to Likho? Impossible!
If Likho had not been such a fathead he would have intervened at this
point to have this question withdrawn. But he just stared at me with an
air of triumph. "Well," Nikolai Antonich prompted.
"Nikolai Antonich, allow me," Korablev interposed. "We know what
he said to Mr Likho. We'd like to know what explanation he gives to his
conduct."
"I beg your pardon!" said Likho. "I insist that he repeat what he said! I
never heard such things even from the defectives at the Dostoyevsky
School."
I was silent. Had I been able to read thoughts at a distance, I would
have read in Korablev's eyes: "Sanya, tell them he accused you of
'idealism'."
"Well!" Nikolai Antonich repeated indulgently. "I don't remember," I
muttered.
It was silly, because everybody saw at once that I was lying. Likho
snorted.
"Today he insults me for giving him a bad mark, tomorrow he'll cut