"You're not part of me," I whispered. "I could never be like you."
"Max, Max," Eraser Max said soothingly. "You already are."
I whirled away from the mirror and burst out of the bathroom. Quickly I went to my room and shut the door, before anyone could see me.
I sat on my bed, shaking, and kept touching my face over and over to make sure I was still me. "Am I really, finally going crazy?" I murmured.
30
A little tap on my door made me jump, every muscle bunched with fear. It had to be Iggy. "I'm out of the bathroom," I called, hearing my voice shake a little.
"Yeah," Fang said. "I can tell, 'cause your voice is coming from in there."
"What do you want?"
"Can I come in?"
"No!"
So of course the door opened. Fang leaned in the doorway. He saw how I looked, pale and big-eyed and freaked. Compulsively I touched my face, looked down at my hands. Still covered with plain skin.
One of his dark eyebrows rose, and he came in and closed the door. "What's going on?" he asked.
"I don't know," I whispered. "Something's wrong with me, but I don't know what."
Fang waited for a moment, then sat next to me on the bed and put his arm gently across my shoulders. I was all huddled up, damp in my towel, feeling miserable and more scared than I'd been in-days.
"You'll be okay," he said.
"How do you know?"
"Because I know everything, as I keep reminding you."
I was too miserable to smile.
"Look," he said. "Whatever this is, we'll deal with it. We always have before."
I swallowed. I was dying to tell him about Eraser Max but was too afraid and ashamed.
"Fang-if I'm changing, if I'm turning into something... bad-will you deal with it?"
He was silent, his eyes on me.
I took a deep breath. "If I turn into an Eraser," I said more strongly, "will you deal with it? To protect the others?"
Our eyes met for a long time. He knew what I was asking him. If I turned into an Eraser, it would be his job to kill me.
He looked down at his feet, then up at me. "Yes. I'll do what has to be done."
I breathed out in relief. "Thank you," I said quietly.
Fang stood up and squeezed my shoulder. "You'll be okay," he said again. He leaned down and quickly kissed my forehead. "I promise."
Then he was gone, and I was more confused than ever.
31
"Bombs away!" the Gasman yelled, right over my head.
I looked up, startled, and saw Gazzy flying low over the pond. He tucked his wings in, curled into a ball, and dropped, cackling maniacally. I winced as he crashed into the water, sending up a huge craterlike wave.
Soon his blond head surfaced, a smile splitting his face. "Did you see that?" he crowed. "That was so awesome! I'm going to do it again!"
"Okay," I said, grinning. "Don't hurt yourself."
"And don't hurt me!" Nudge yelled, as Gazzy clambered out of the water. "Watch where you drop! You almost landed on me!"
"Sorry," Gazzy said.
I was glad that he and Nudge weren't letting their disappointment get to them too much. Fang and I had told them about our fruitless search for our parents in the city. It had been one more false lead.
I typed in another command and shielded the screen so I could read it. Yes, this was the ticket, going wi-fi out by the private pond. I'd pulled over an Adirondack chair and borrowed Anne's laptop, and I had lemonade close at hand. It was a tough life, but someone had to live it.
The search results popped up on the screen. I scanned them and frowned.
Ten kids had gone missing in the DC area in the last four months. Had whitecoats taken them, as fodder for their experiments? I could only imagine what the families were going through. What had happened when we had gone missing? Our parents had cared, hadn't they? They'd missed us, right?
Hmm. That was a thought. I typed in a new Google search.
Angel's head popped out of the water. "Max!" She'd been under about ten minutes. Even though I knew about her ability to breathe under water, it still took all my self-control not to leap in after her when I didn't see her come up for a while.
"Yeah, sweetie?"
"What's the best way to catch a fish?"
I thought. "Well, I guess it depends on the kind of fish," I began.
"No, what's the best way to catch a fish?" Angel asked again.
Oh. "I don't know?" I said warily.
"Have someone throw it to you!" Angel laughed, I groaned, and, next to me, Total chuckled.
"Good one," he said, and I rolled my eyes, looking around for the voice-throwing Gasman.
Uh, but Gazzy was fifty feet in the air, dive-bombing the pond again.
Total trotted off, sniffing for rabbits, and I looked at Angel.
"Angel?"
"Yeah?" She looked up, all blue-eyed innocence.
I felt stupid, but... "Can Total, um, talk?"
"Uh-huh," Angel said casually, squeezing water out of her hair.
I stared at her. "He talks. Total talks, and you didn't tell me?"
"Well..." Angel looked for him, saw he was pretty far away, and lowered her voice. "Don't tell him I said this, but he's actually not that interesting."
I was nonplussed. My mouth was hanging open, and I shut it before I started catching flies. I turned to see the small dog trotting among the cattails and daylilies.
"Total?" I called. He looked up alertly, then ran over to me, small pink tongue hanging out.
"Total?" I said when he was close. "Can you talk?"
He flopped down on the grass, panting slightly. "Yeah. So?"
Jeezum. I mean, mutant weirdos are nothing new to me, you know? But a talking dog?
"Why didn't you mention this before?" I asked him.
"It's not like I lied about it," said Total, reaching up with a hind leg to scratch behind one ear. "Between you and me, I'm still trying to get used to the whole flying-kid thing."
32
That night I was lying awake in "my" bed, watching the moonlight create shadows on "my" walls, so I heard the door open almost silently.
"Max?" Angel's whisper barely disturbed the air.
I sat up. "Yeah, sweetie?"
"I can't sleep. Can I go fly around?" she asked.
I glanced at the clock. Almost midnight. The house was quiet and still. Except for the soft footsteps padding down the hall.
The Gasman put his head around my door.
"Max? I can't sleep."
"Okay, put your clothes on. Let's go take advantage of the wide-open spaces."
In the end we all went, including Total.
"I love flying!" he said, leaping into Iggy's arms. "Just don't drop me."
It was glorious. Out here in the country, there were few lights, no planes, and, so far, no Erasers.
The air was crisp and cool, near forty degrees, and felt like liquid oxygen in our lungs. I swooped in huge arcs, catching wind currents, coasting, feeling almost weightless. It was times like this that I felt the most calm, the most normal. As if I were just a normal part of the world and I actually fit into it.
You do fit into it, Max, said the Voice. You're part of everything, and everything is part of you. Everything should flow together. The more you resist, the more pain you'll feel. The more you go with the flow, the more whole you'll be.
I frowned. Was that a bumper sticker?
Don't resist the flow, Max, said the Voice. Become one with the flow.
Well, since I didn't have a single freaking clue about what that meant, I decided to go with the airflow right now and enjoy myself.
"Look, bats!" said Nudge.
33
As soon as I looked, I saw them, hundreds, if not thousands, of fluttering bats. They swept jerkily among the trees, odd little black quotation marks against the deep purple night sky. We'd flown with hawks before, but not bats.