I didn't even have the strength to run off and hide. I just knelt in the sand, my hands over my face. My cut hurt like hell.
Then strong arms were around me, a gentle hand was pressing me into a wiry, rock-hard shoulder. Fang. I pulled my wings in, leaned against him, and sobbed. Soon I felt other, tentative hands patting my back, stroking my hair. Someone said, "Shh, shh." Nudge.
"It's okay, Max," Iggy said, sounding shaken. "Everything's okay."
Nothing in our world was okay. Except that we had one another. I nodded into Fang's shoulder.
I don't know how long this touching scene rolled on, but eventually my sobs gave way to shuddering breaths, and finally I was spent. Fang's shirt was soaked.
I was so embarrassed. I was the leader, and here I was breaking down like a baby. How could I boss them around if I was so weak? I sniffled and sat back, knowing I must look like a train wreck. Fang let me go, not saying anything. Slowly I raised my eyes, turning slightly to see the flock. I was way too embarrassed to look at Fang.
"Sorry, guys." My voice sounded rusty.
Total came and rested his head on my leg, his black eyes sympathetic.
The Gasman looked frightened. "We didn't have to go to the beach, Max."
A sort of choking laugh left me, and I reached out to ruffle his hair. "It wasn't that, Gazzy. Just other stuff, getting to me."
"Like what?" Iggy asked.
I sighed heavily and wiped my eyes. "Stuff. The Voice in my head. Everyone chasing us. School. Anne. Ari. Jeb. They keep telling me I'm supposed to save the world, but how, and from what, I don't even know."
Angel reached out and patted my knee. "From, you know, after everything gets blown up and most of the people are gone. We'll be stronger, and able to fly, so we can leave the blown-up parts and find some nice land that isn't blown up or contan-contama-"
"Contaminated?" Iggy provided, and Angel nodded.
"Yeah, that. Then we can keep on living, even if there are hardly any people left."
104
There was silence after this little bombshell. I stared at Angel.
"Uh... where did you hear that, sweetie?" I asked.
Angel sat back on her heels and trailed her fingers through the cool sand. "At the School. I wasn't supposed to hear it, but that's what they thought." She sounded nonchalant and started digging out a moat for a sand castle.
"Who's going to blow up the world?" the Gasman asked indignantly.
Angel shrugged. "Lots of people can-they have big bombs. Countries and stuff. But the people at the School kept thinking it would be just one company, a business company. They think it's going to blow up the world, mostly. Maybe even by accident."
Well, this was an interesting turn of events.
"And what company was that?" I asked.
Angel looked off into the distance, frowning. "Don't remember," she said. "Like, the name of a deer or something. A gazelle. Can I go swim?"
"Uh, sure," I said faintly.
Happily pulling her swimsuit out of her backpack, Angel raced Total down to the water. Within seconds he came trotting back, shaking his fur. "That water's freezing," he said. He raised his nose, sniffed the air, then headed off to investigate some rocks.
Gazzy, after a nod from me, also ran down to the water, shedding clothes. Nudge and Iggy moved over to sit on a big rock. They fished around in their backpacks and pulled out some protein bars.
"So, huh?" I said to Fang when the others were gone.
He shook his head, stuffing the remaining bandages back into his pack. "Yeah. Surprise."
"How long has she been sitting on this? Why hasn't it come up before?"
"Because she's six and more concerned with her stuffed bear and her dog? I don't know. Plus, we don't even know if she understood what she heard. There's a chance she got it wrong."
I thought for a moment. "Even if aspects of it are wrong, I don't see how she could misunderstand the whole blowing-up-the-world concept. And the fact that we were designed to outlast a catastrophe. It fits in with what Jeb keeps telling me."
Fang let out a breath. "So what now?"
"I don't know. I need to think."
We were silent for a while. My arm was throbbing.
"So what was that about?" Fang said finally.
I couldn't pretend to not know what he was talking about. "I'm just-really tired. The Voice was ragging on me about my destiny and how I have to get on the stick about saving the world. It just feels like too much sometimes." I never would have admitted that to the others. Sure, I could tell them that things were getting to me, but let them know I wasn't sure I could handle it? No way.
"I've been running on adrenaline, without a master plan. Every day it's just, keep the flock safe, keep us together. But now everything else has been dumped on me, all these bits and pieces that aren't adding up to a whole picture, and it's too much."
"Pieces like Ari and Jeb and Anne and the Voice?"
"Yeah. Everything. Everything that's happened to us since we left home. I don't know what to do, and it's so freaking hard even pretending that I do."
"Walk away from it," Fang said. "Let's find an island. Drop off the screen."
"That sounds really good," I said slowly. "But we'd have to get the others on board. I'm pretty sure the younger kids still really want to find their parents. And now I want to find out what this company is that Angel heard about. What if-you do research on an island possibility and I'll focus on this other stuff?" It was the closest I'd ever come to sharing my role as leader. Actually, it didn't feel so bad.
"Yeah, cool," Fang said.
For a few minutes we watched Angel and the Gasman playing in the shallow surf. I was amazed they weren't cold, but they seemed fine. Iggy and Nudge were walking down the beach. Nudge was putting different-shaped shells in Iggy's hands so he could feel them. I wanted time to freeze here, right here, right now, forever.
There was something I needed to say. "Sorry. About before."
Fang shot a sideways glance at me, his eyes dark and inscrutable, as always. He looked back out at the water. I didn't expect any more acknowledgment than that. Fang never-
"You almost gave me a heart attack," he said quietly. "When I saw you, and all that blood..." He threw a small rock as hard as he could down the beach.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't do it again," he said.
I swallowed hard. "I won't."
Something changed right then, but I didn't know what.
"Hey!" said Angel, standing up in knee-high water. "I can talk to fish!"
That wasn't it.
105
"You can what?" I called, getting up and walking toward the water.
"I can talk to fish!" Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body.
"Ask one over for dinner," Fang said, joining us.
The Gasman shook his head like a wet dog. "You can not," he said.
"I'll prove it!" Angel dived back under the water.
By this time, Nudge and Iggy were walking up.
"She talks to fish now?" Iggy asked.
Then, with no warning, a six-foot shark surfaced, mouth open, maybe two yards away from Gazzy. None of us made a sound-we were conditioned not to yell in a crisis. I'm sure we were all screaming in our heads. I sprang into the water, grabbed Gazzy's arm, and hauled him toward shore. He was frozen with fright and seemed like dead weight. I kept expecting to feel the huge tug of the shark taking off my leg.
Angel popped back out of the chest-high water. I motioned her urgently to do an up-and-away. She laughed.
"He's my friend!" she shouted. "He's saying hi!" The shark had circled and was now moving right toward her. My heart was in my throat-what if she only thought she could talk to fish? "Go on, maybe you should wave," Angel said to the shark, as I tensed to fly out over the water to snatch her up.
Before our eyes, the shark literally turned on its side, came a little bit out of the water, and waved a fin slightly.