There was nothing cheerful about Harrison Summers. The permanent scowl on his handsome face only softened when he was at home, around me, and our parents. I loved Harrison with all my heart—he was the best brother a girl could wish for. Except that he was overbearingly protective, ever since the day of The Incident.
It took years of therapy to shake the guilt that it was my fault, and that I was to blame that Harrison was like this. Although it took place nearly ten years ago, whenever I had a flashback, it was as vivid as if it had happened only yesterday.
Ryder insisting on being in my life had brought on just such a flashback. I sat up, bewildered, images rushing through my brain.
No, please, I don't want to remember . . .
Huddled against the headboard, my knees drawn to my chest, I rocked myself as tears streamed freely down my cheeks.
Harrison kissed Amy and swatted her on the ass. “Go ahead with the others, babe. Get into the long line at the entrance. We don’t want to be late for the concert. Jade and I will catch up.”
He turned to me and laughed. “Hurry, Sis, you’re going to make us late. Go get your sweater—I’ll wait right here for you.” I was always losing stuff and luckily Harrison was patient with me. Love for my big brother surged through me—he knew me so well.
I nodded and ran back into the fast-food restaurant to get the sweater I’d accidentally left behind. It was my favorite; I’d be crushed if I lost it. Besides, it usually got cold in the evenings, and at outdoor events and I'd need it to keep me warm. Harrison and his other friends had girlfriends to cuddle with if they were cold. I was alone.
It was my first live concert, and adrenaline spiked my bloodstream—I didn’t want to miss a second of Karma Electric, they were my favorite band. I swiped up my sweater from where it had dropped on the floor.
I was lucky my parents had agreed to let me go to the event with Harrison on a week night, so I didn't want to spoil his evening. And I’d hoped Harrison would invite me again the next time he and his buddies went to a rock concert. Those were the perks of having an older brother. My friends at school were all jealous that I’d get to see the dreamy new lead singer of the band before they did.
“Got it?” Harrison shot me an impatient glance as he crushed the cigarette with his foot. I never knew my brother smoked till tonight.
“Yeah. Sorry. It was on the floor.”
“Put it on before you drop it again.”
Harrison chuckled as he watched Amy blow him a kiss, and tore his gaze away from the little group halfway across the large opening to help me dutifully into my sweater.
Gunshots rang out.
Both our heads jerked toward the ominous sound. What we saw would scar us for life. Both of Harrison’s friends and their girlfriends were mowed down, including Amy. I screamed so loudly that I couldn’t hear Harrison’s words to me, but his expression told me to stay put. I couldn’t have moved if I tried to, I was frozen to the spot. Pandemonium broke out around me. People were screaming hysterically, and running around blindly. I watched Harrison run across the patch of grass, reaching Amy just as the cops did.
Amy and the other four were caught in the crossfire between a biker gang and the police. Four were dead, and one survived. One of his friends, Michael, got shot in the knees, and fell down before more bullets could kill him.
Amy had been shot through the heart, and died minutes later in Harrison’s arms.
It was biker bullets that killed Amy and Harrison’s friends. With little regard for the lives of others, they’d shot at the cops who’d recognized them.
Harrison wanted to die. Said he should have been there with Amy. That if he had his arm around her, she may still have been alive. I shuddered at the thought—it would’ve meant my brother would be dead.
If it weren’t for me, both Harrison and I would’ve been with the group, but we may have been further along, avoiding the crossfire altogether. All it took was a few seconds to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was ALL my fault.
I should’ve been dead.
And Harrison wished he was.
Even now, after all these years.
The images had faded somewhat over time, but my heart was still breaking for the loss of those innocent young lives. I rubbed at my heart, trying to lessen the physical pain. Life would’ve been so different if that hadn’t happened.
From that day on, Harrison had hated bikers. He’d made it his life’s mission to stamp out biker clubs and crimes associated with them. Cleaning up the streets and banning groups of bikers from public places was what he dreamed about, because he never wanted an incident like that to repeat itself on innocent victims.
I got that.
Hell, I was on his side. We both recognized the gangster type immediately and had a strong aversion to anyone who was a biker in a MC. They were the scum of the earth.
Until Ryder.
Until I met a man who outwardly portrayed every one of those traits. I should hate him and his kind for what they did to Amy and the others. For what they did to me, and to Harrison.
Yet I couldn’t hate Ryder. Underneath that hardened exterior was just a man, one who had his own burdens weighing him down. Who the hell was I to judge him and his kind? I knew nothing of their pain or their reasons for being what they were.
But how could I explain that to Harrison? He wouldn’t even listen. For as stubborn as I was, Harrison was tenfold more so.
My head hurt from all the thinking. I had to get through to Ryder that we could never see one another again. That what had happened on the back of his bike and in the kitchen were a moment-of-madness mistake we couldn’t allow to be repeated.
My heart ached. It was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done—to deny myself the feelings that flooded my being when I thought about Ryder Knox.
He felt them too—I didn't need a crystal ball to know that. Ryder never apologized for telling me blatantly just how much he wanted me, in every carnal and lustful way. There was a magnetism we couldn’t deny, a pull stronger than logic permitted. We were so different, yet we fitted so well together. It was beyond reasoning. Beyond anything I’d ever imagined. Not even the romance novels I consumed could have prepared me for this.
But I had to sacrifice my feelings of lust for Ryder because there no good could come of it. We were doomed from the start.
I. Had. To. Choose. My. Family.
Why had Ryder chosen Clarke and Sons Agency that day?
And why in hell could he not just let go? Move on?
And why, oh why was I so drawn to him, so weak when it came to resisting him?
Why?
Still bewildered by my emotions, I became aware of a strange noise. It reminded me of when I was a teenager and boys threw pebbles against my window. Then it dawned on me—that was exactly what it was. I scooted off the bed to the window as another pebble hit it smack in the middle of the glass. What little delinquent was pranking me at this time of the night?
I pushed the window open and gasped. Ryder was standing there in the darkness, a lopsided grin on his handsome face. Fuck. This was worse than when I was a teenager. Back then I was too innocent to know better. A boy beneath my window sent my heart aflutter. Now other parts of me were fluttering, way down south from my heart.
“Let me in,” he demanded, his arms folded over his chest.
“Shhh,” I gestured, then shook my head.
“Fine,” he muttered and walked away. What? Was he giving up that easily? He disappeared out of sight around the corner, without any further protest. I was pretty disappointed, but it was better this way. I didn't want him to see that I’d been crying. I wiped my nose with my sleeve and crawled back in to bed.