I shrugged, shifting uneasily in my seat. “Don’t want to talk about it. All I can say is that I'm going for a long ride. I’ll be gone for around five weeks. I’ll go up north and talk with the Northern Commando MC. Give me time to clear my head, and work toward fixing the shit that went down.”
The only way I was going to be able to stay away from Jade, as promised, was to put physical distance between us. I may as well be useful while getting out of LA. A trip up the coast to Seattle on my bike was just what I needed. The Northern Commando MC was based in Tacoma, and things needed to be smoothed over.
“I’m coming with you, brother.” Before I could even reject his offer, Ratbag added, “I’ll be quiet. You won't even know I’m tagging along.”
I nodded, grateful for the company, but I also knew Ratbag well enough to know he yakked worse than any woman. Yet I was grateful that I wouldn’t be alone. His unending nattering would keep my mind off Jade. I could only hope.
Loving someone the way I loved Jade wasn’t for sissies. The real thing was way more painful than the indifference I’d always felt.
I’ll never be the same old Ryder again.
Jade had changed me, little by little as she consumed my body, my mind, my heart and now—my soul.
It was because I loved her so much that I had to let her go. It didn't hurt any less. I mourned the loss of receiving her love.
Yeah. I was truly fucked now. I loved the one woman I could never have.
Our worlds had collided, and ripped us apart.
Chapter 24 ~ Jade
I managed to get through the fourth week without Ryder. Mia had been kind enough to let me know that Ryder had left for Seattle earlier and would be away for just over a month at a minimum. Maybe even longer, she’d said, because when bikers took to the road, there wasn’t any guarantee that they’d be back any time soon. Damn Ryder. He was trying to get distance between us, thinking that would solve our problem. We couldn’t even talk to one another. He’d turned his phone off—if anyone had a message for him, it had to go through Ratbag.
I'd had a few conversations with Ratbag, trying to get Ryder to speak to me, but every time Ratbag let me know very apologetically that Ryder had gone silent and wasn’t talking to anyone—not even to him.
If anyone had told me what torture it was to be separated from the man one loved, I wouldn’t have believed them, at first. It hurt like hell that Ryder didn't even want to speak to me. Just that one small thing—hearing his voice—would’ve made it so much more bearable.
What was even worse was that I didn't even have a photograph of Ryder. I remembered how he felt, how he smelled, even his crooked smile. But the memory of what he sounded like was fading, and I was panic-stricken by the idea that I couldn’t remember his deep, soothing voice that melted my panties every time he spoke to me.
“Jade, honey, I really don’t understand why you’re moving out of the family home right now, just to be in an apartment by yourself.” Mom wasn’t happy that I’d found my own place so soon. I’d used some of my investment money as a deposit and bought a cute two-bedroom apartment only a few blocks from Daddy’s offices. At least I had a totally valid reason—that I'd be closer to work. Because I was working longer and longer hours just to exhaust myself completely so that I’d tumble into bed at night and drift off to sleep from sheer exhaustion, and not be able to dwell on my dilemma with Ryder. While he was away, it was completely out of my hands—there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, so there really wasn’t any point in banging my head against a brick wall.
“Mom, it’s exciting to have my own place. Isn’t that what you taught me all these years? To be independent, and stand on my own two feet? Well, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“Mmmm, I just never thought you’d use that advice against me. You’re hardly eating as it is, so how do I know if you’re going to take proper care of yourself?”
“You won’t. Unless we catch up for dinner on the weekends. It’s time to lose a few pounds of baby fat anyway. My birthday is in a few weeks, and its time I shake off my little girl image.”
What Sylvia Summers didn't know was that I was looking forward to just moping around my apartment by myself, with a large tub of ice cream and my favorite book boyfriends. I could stay in my pajamas all weekend without anyone telling me it was unhealthy for a twenty-two-year-old woman to hibernate like that.
Besides, if anyone else tried to fix me up with his or her best friend’s son, or organize another blind date, I’d freak the fuck out. If I couldn’t have Ryder, I didn't want anyone else. I’d have my career and my novels to keep me going. Real life sucked, anyway. Nothing worked in my favor—I was disillusioned and alone. What I’d always dreamed about: a mansion with a pretty garden, servants, an adoring but successful and wealthy husband, and maybe a grandchild or two to keep my parents happy, was no longer important to me.
I’d be happy with nothing other than Ryder’s company, and his love to keep me warm.
But he doesn't love me.
He used me to get revenge on my kind: upper-class snobs that looked down on the less fortunate, including biker types. He wanted to teach me a lesson, and boy, did he ever. I was nothing more than a challenge and a willing fuck to him. Now it was game over.
I’d lost.
Not only were my lifelong dreams shattered and disintegrated, but I’d lost the challenge against the rugged biker, and also the love of my life. Without a doubt, I could never feel for another man what I felt for Ryder. He’d snuck up on me, invaded my being, and now he was so much a part of me that I struggled to function without him.
When my phone rang, I wasn’t even curious as to who was calling. It wouldn’t be Ryder. I'd come to accept that by now. He had drawn into his shell, and wasn’t coming out any time soon.
It was Rebecca.
“Hey, Jade. I'm coming to visit next week. I'm flying out of Germany on Thursday night, which means I’ll be in LA by Friday. So if you want to organize a girl’s night out for Saturday, it will be great. I’ve been working so damn hard that I’ve hardly had time to socialize. Invite a few of your girlfriends, too, if you want.”
I really wasn’t in the mood to go out with anyone. I'd rather be alone in my new apartment, but I’d promised Rebecca that I’d entertain her while she was here. My cousin had been through some tough times herself. I wondered what had happened between her and the Frenchman, Alain—if they ever managed to patch things back together? She’d also told me all about her pesky but very handsome boss, and how he was trying to get into her panties although he was a married man.
Why are matters of the heart always so damn complicated?
It appeared that both Rebecca and I had bad taste in men, and that we fell for the wrong guy.
“Ha ha. Believe it or not, I don’t have a lot of girlfriends. I’m always either studying or working or reading. I was never part of the in crowd at school or at university.”
“That’s funny, because if it weren’t for my two sisters, I'd also be stranded without friends. What about Cousin Lexi? I know we’ve never been close, but I’d love to see her, too. Can you invite her along?”
“Sure, I will. Lexi is always nagging me to go out. She’ll be so happy to take both of us to her hangouts. I’ll let her suggest where we should go. Is that OK with you?”
Rebecca laughed. “Of course. Why not? If she knows LA better than both of us, she can take us to a club where we can just have fun. God, I haven’t done that for so long. It will be awesome just to go a little wild.”