“So you just gave up?” My mouth was dry.
“My wife really needed me. Our daughter was taking her illness badly, so I had to help her, too. I had so much on my plate, and I figured Marianne took you boys and went elsewhere with Randy. I got tied up in my own life and business. The perils of a high-flying career and success. ” He laughed bitterly, shaking his head, his shoulders slumped.
I nearly felt sorry for the bastard. “So what changed? Why find me now?” I took a deep slug of my beer, and wiped the froth from my mouth.
“Marianne lived in an institution for years. She was practically an invalid. Her memory never came back—until one day, a few months ago. Apparently, out of the blue, one morning she woke up lucid and remembered everything. She told the nurses everything she could recall, and they contacted me immediately. I hadn’t changed offices in decades, so I was easy to trace.”
“You said that was only months ago. And she’s dead now?” I was shaking. My eye twitched below the scar. If William noticed, he didn't let on.
“I went to see Marianne as soon as I could. I’d just buried my wife. Things were pretty messed up.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry.”
“Yes, she fought the cancer, but in the end it took her. As for your mo—Marianne, I got to her just in time. She had contracted pneumonia, and was very sick. The woman was skin and bone. Nothing like the beautiful, vivacious young woman I had known and remembered.”
“What did she say? Could she remember what happened?” I held my breath.
“She remembered everything as if it were yesterday. Yet she had no concept of time. She thought you were still little boys. She made me promise to find you and Max, and to bring you to her. She was so excited to move to the new house, to start a new life. She didn't want to understand that years had passed, that her little boys were grown men. It was painful to watch.”
I swallowed hard. All these years, I’d hated Marianne for leaving us—not knowing what had really happened. Making assumptions. Wrong ones that had consumed me, and wasted half of my life.
My thoughts went to Jade. She had been right all along. I am worthy of being loved. My mother didn't leave me because she didn't love me. She had no choice in the matter. A fucking accident had taken that from her.
Sorrow built in me—a deep ache in my soul that couldn’t be soothed. Sorrow that I’d believed the worst of Marianne. Sorrow that I’d never tried to find her and seek the truth. And now it was too late. Just as I was beginning to understand unconditional love. My head pounded as it all sank in.
All those wasted years, feeling resentment and anger swirl in my belly. Pushing Jade away because I was afraid to lose her too. I was a fucking idiot.
With clarity born from a light-bulb moment, I knew I had to fight for Jade, now more than ever. I wanted what she offered. Unconditional love. Learning the truth of what had happened to Marianne was the turning point I so desperately needed.
“You spoke about your daughter. If I . . .if you . . . really are my father, then that means I have a sister?” Fuck, Max and I weren’t alone after all.
“A half-sister.” His eyes were hooded, and he looked even sadder—if that was possible.
“Bill?”
“She wants nothing to do with me. Came to the funeral and wouldn’t speak to me. Eva thinks it’s my fault that her mother died unhappily.”
“Eva. That’s a pretty name.” It was bizarre finding out about a sister I didn’t know existed.
Bill nodded. “She looks a lot like you. Same penetrating eyes. Dark hair. And . . . she’s stubborn. Smart too.” For a moment a smile flashed across his face. There was no mistaking how much Bill loved his daughter.
Silence fell between us for a few moments before Bill continued. “The guilt about you chewed at me, and I told Vivian everything, about my affair with Marianne that started while she was pregnant with your sister. We discovered the cancer just after Eva was born, so I kept the affair going with Marianne all through Vivian’s chemo treatment, too. When Eva found out about Marianne and . . . you, and my despicable behavior, she moved out of the house and refused to speak to me. She visited her mother during the day when I was at work. Even Christmas—”
I coughed and shifted uncomfortably in my chair. I didn’t know what the hell to say to that. We all had our fucking burdens to carry. In spite of being a music mogul, and with more wealth than he probably knew what to do with, William Ryder hadn’t had an easy life, either.
Jade’s words that night in her bedroom came into my mind: “We don’t always understand other people’s pain, Ryder. Just because we can't see it, doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting.” Her words were so true. I'd always imagined that the rich and famous didn't have the same problems that throwaway kids like me had. A wry smile twisted my lips. Fucking Princess. She was wiser than I ever gave her credit for.
“After Marianne died, I was even more determined to find you. I’d promised her I would. But it was more than that. Other than the few times I got to hold you as a baby, I never knew you. You are my son. I want to be part of your life.”
My brow knitted. Whoa. This was crazy talk. Did the man know who I was? VP of a biker club? Wanted by the cops? Criminal and killer?
There was no redemption for Ryder Knox. It was too late.
Besides, I'd make all the same choices again.
“Bill, your story is touching. But I don’t give a fuck. I grew up with the only family I ever knew. The Scorpio Stinger MC is my family. They saved my life. Not you and a half-sister I never laid eyes on. Go back to your glamorous lifestyle. I'm sure some pussy will take up the slack soon and bring you happiness.”
I got up to leave.
“I’m surprised you didn’t change your name. If you hated Marianne so much, why didn’t you?”
“Because I am who I am. Changing my fucking name wasn’t going to change my fucking life. I don’t apologize for who I am.”
Shaken by learning that I hadn’t actually killed my own father as a kid, I had to reassess my whole outlook on life. The biggest burden I'd carried subconsciously for more than twenty years, was that I was spermed by a man such as Tiny—a brutal monster who could lay into an innocent child, and want to kill him because he was rejected by his mother when she chose other men over him. Even though those choices had nothing to do with the child, the fact that he could take out his vengeance and hatred on an innocent boy like Max frightened me. I'd always wondered, waited for that evil streak to come to the surface, and make me just as evil as Tiny.
Thinking back, I was under the impression that even Tiny believed that he’d fathered me; we’d never bonded, and I'd never felt a connection with the man. From Bill’s story, Marianne was aware that Tiny wasn’t my father, yet she never corrected him. Or me, for that matter. Why would she have kept such an important thing from me? I'd never know, now that she was dead. I couldn’t ask her the millions of unanswered questions that ran through my mind.
Also, I didn't understand what exactly William Ryder wanted from me. Wasn’t it too fucking late to try and build a relationship with me? Anyway, once he learned about the life I’d led, it guaranteed that he’d quickly disappear again. And this time, it’d be his choice. I shrugged. Why the fuck was I born under such unlucky stars?