“Her father was very strict. He controlled everything before she married Carter. Oh, did you hear what she called him?”
“‘Daddy.’ Yeah, I caught that.”
“I don’t think she ever did anything with her father—kinda like me and Laurie—but I suppose that’s why she likes Carter to make all the decisions. He’s the father figure in her life. Only, I’m not like that.”
“Want me to say something to him?”
“No. As long as you understand.”
“I do.”
She smiled. “My favorite words. I know, that’s why you say them. And why I love you. More and more, every day. But don’t change the subject.” She play-scowled. “I like Carter. His dick is nice, but my jaw’s a little sore. And he needs to drink more water. His come was really thick. Not yucky-gross thick, but still, pretty thick.”
I chuckled at her choice of words.
“I’m serious. Guys don’t think about their semen as much as they should. I go to a lot of trouble to make sure I’m clean and fresh and presentable for you, especially down there. You do the same, I know, but it’s more than just looks. Consistency and taste matter too.”
“So, I should drink more water and eat pineapple?”
“Yes, Mr. Sarcasm, you should. It’s healthier anyway.”
“But what about protein?” I teased.
“If you must know—”
“I must, I must.”
She glared a warning. “If you must know, semen is mostly fructose. That’s fruit sugar, in case you didn’t know. The protein comes from amino acids and albumin, like egg whites. I looked it up. A single egg has more protein than, like, twenty blowjobs. Twenty, Paul. I love swallowing your come, but I think I’ll get my protein from real food instead.”
“It’s good for your hair and nails, though.”
“Paul, dear, I’m kidding when I say that. Shampoo and conditioner are much better. I don’t think anything can help my nails—I’m too hard on them—but lotions and moisturizers do more for my skin than man cream. Don’t get me wrong, I love jizz as part of my diet and beauty routine, but I’m not going to stop using the other things.”
She paused, in case I had any more inane comments. I didn’t.
“I like it because I like it,” she finished. “I don’t care what it does for me, supposedly or for real. But you didn’t really want to discuss semen, did you? Because I know far more about it than you do.”
“Clearly,” I chuckled. “You win.”
“Thank you. I thought you’d see it my way. And, for the record, I like yours better than Carter’s. His is nice enough. His penis too. I like sucking it, but I can’t imagine what it’d feel like inside me. Kim says it’s nice. She doesn’t have much to compare it to, though. She’s only been with one other guy, and only a couple of times.”
I shrugged. “You like my dick, and you’ve only been with one other guy.”
“Fine, use logic against me. But I suppose you’re right. Besides, the vagina stretches. One size fits all. Unless the guy’s really large. Oh my gosh, remind me to tell you about Tom sometime, my first boyfriend at Uni. He was huge. Like, John Holmes huge, a real horse-cock.” She pretend-shuddered at the memory. “No, thank you. I like yours much better.”
“Thanks,” I chuckled.
“And Kim certainly seemed to enjoy it. I knew she would, though. For the record, I really like her, too. She’s sweet. And a lot smarter than she lets on. She sort of dumbs down when Carter’s around.”
“Oh, I think he knows,” I said. “He’s a pretty smart guy, and I can’t imagine he’d still be with her if she were actually dumb.”
“No, you’re right. Only, it’s kind of sad that she thinks she needs to. I knew a lot of girls like her in school. High school, I mean. They were fine around us, other girls, but then a guy would show up and they’d turn into bimbos. Kim’s like that. Only, not so bad. We were talking while you guys were inside, and— Oh my gosh,” she blurted, “we forgot the wine!”
My brow furrowed at the sudden detour.
“The Malbec, or whatever it was called.”
“You don’t remember?” I teased gently.
“Paul, dear, I only pay a hundred percent attention to you. A hundred and ten, if you must know. I watch and listen all the time, to everything. So don’t you forget it.”
“I won’t,” I chuckled.
“Good. I only pay attention to other people, like, eighty percent.”
“What about the other fifty percent?”
She started to answer but then stopped. “Funny, ha ha. I can do math. That’s a hundred and twenty percent.”
I didn’t have the heart to correct her.
“Please, not that again. Five-sixths hurts my brain. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Kim. She really likes you. We were talking while you guys were inside. D’you see what I did there?”
“You repeated the same thing you said before.”
“Mmm hmm. I told you, I pay attention when it’s you. Anyway, Kim. She’s really excited. She wants to have sex with you.”
“With you too.”
“Oh my gosh, she’s so pretty. But I don’t know if it’ll happen. She wants to make Carter happy, but she’s scared. Well, not ‘scared.’ I suppose ‘nervous’ is a better word. She’s excited, too, so it’s weird. Only, now I know why. She’s half-bi, not full. I knew girls like her in school. High school, I mean.
“Okay, from now on,” she detoured, “whenever I say ‘school,’ I mean high school. Hawaii or Uni, doesn’t matter. They’re both ‘school.’ I’ll call it ‘college’ if I mean UT. Then I won’t have to keep explaining things. Like ‘cock,’ ‘dick,’ and ‘penis.’ The words mean the same thing but different circumstances. Does that make sense?”
I chuckled. “Oddly enough, it does.”
“Don’t laugh. It’s your fault I pay attention to words now.” She huffed affectionately. “Now, where were we? Right, I knew girls like her in school.” She paused to make sure I understood.
“High school,” I agreed.
“Right. Carter sure says that a lot, doesn’t he? ‘Right.’ Hmm. You say ‘exactly’ a lot. And I suppose I say ‘oh my gosh’ more than I should. But that isn’t what I’m talking about. Stop changing the subject.”
I held up my hands in mock surrender.
“Better. So, the girls in school. Some of them were half-bi. For the record, Brooke came up with that, so be sure to give her credit. She hates when I take credit for her ideas.”
“I wonder why.”
“Anyway,” Christy continued doggedly, “half-bi girls like kissing and fooling around up top, but nothing down below. That’s how I knew Brooke was serious. About me, I mean. She went down on me, like, the first time we were together. Oh my gosh, I still play with myself sometimes when I think about it. I hope you don’t mind,” she added. “These days I mostly think about you, but sometimes I can’t help myself. Uh-oh, I’m chattering, aren’t I?”
“A little.”
“I don’t know why. I’m not nervous or anything.”
“You do it when you’re excited too.”
“I suppose you’re right.” She frowned. “What were we talking about?”
“You think Kim’s half-bi.”
“Oh, right! She is, which explains my radar. It was really confused. I should’ve figured it out sooner. Only, Carter wants her to be full-bi. She’s nervous but wants to try. Uh-oh. I just thought of something. Do you think he’ll force her? I don’t know how I’d feel about that.”
“I don’t think he will,” I said, “but I’m not sure.”
“It’s okay when you force me to do things, ’cause I wanna do them anyway. But I don’t know how I’d feel if you forced me to do anal or something I don’t like. For real don’t like.” She paused and decided to explain, “I suppose technically I don’t like being kidnapped and raped. I’d kick and scream and bite and scratch if someone tried for real. My brothers taught me how to fight, you know. I go straight for the balls. And not in a fun way.”