Drea was watching her. Avery tried to school her expression and figured she’d failed miserably when the young doctor put a hand over hers and said, “It’s okay if you cry or yell or curse. Sometimes it’s better.”
She wanted to, but she glanced past the curtain, could see the open door, although not Gunner or Jem.
In response, Drea turned the clock radio on, low enough to be able to have a conversation, but loud enough that Gunner and Jem couldn’t hear.
Avery realized her fists were balled tightly against her sides. She’d been holding her body so taut against the threat of pain that it ached to move even a little. “He didn’t . . .” She paused, licked her lips. “He cut me. He didn’t rape me.”
She swallowed.
“You were still violated, Avery. You have every right to be angry at what he did to you.”
Her body eased as Drea gave her that permission for the anger that had built to an unbearable level. It was as if the cork had been pulled from the bottle, simultaneously making the anger a living, breathing monster, but easing the intensity at the same time.
It was a livable, focused anger. She could do something with that. And the first thing she would do was get through the next several hours.
Drea gloved up and asked, “Can I take this?” pointing to the blanket wrapped around her.
Avery nodded, still not trusting her voice, and watched as Drea carefully replaced the bloody blanket with clean sheeting and disposable chucks. The sheet went over Avery lightly; the chucks were slid with care and precision under her so the bed wouldn’t get soiled from the Betadine.
Gunner called this battlefield medicine. Drea appeared to have experience with it, judging by how efficient she was. Avery let that soothe her—she was in good hands.
It also made her wonder why Drea had this kind of experience. “Where . . . do you work?”
“The clinic, right across the street,” Drea answered, her expression softened. “Your friend asked me to come help you.”
Asked. Avery could just imagine how Jem had asked but let the subject drop for now. She’d only be prolonging the inevitable.
Drea laid her instruments on the night table she’d covered and pulled the chair Jem had gotten for her right up to the bed. Avery shifted so she was closer and winced even as Drea put her hands out to stop her.
“Avery, you’ve got to let me help you. That’s what I’m here for. You can cut the tough act, at least in front of me. You’ve got nothing left to prove.”
Drea’s voice was warm and understanding but also made Avery nod and agree that she wouldn’t move again until Drea helped her. “Thanks, Drea. I’m so sorry about all of this. I don’t know how Jem asked you to come here, but knowing him . . .”
She trailed off and Drea gave the ghost of a smile. “It’s not the first time I’ve been recruited. But you need to tell me if the men in this room hurt you.”
“No, they rescued me. Jem and Gunner, they’re my friends. Don’t want Gunner to see me like this. Both of them feel guilty enough already.”
Drea leaned in. “Are you sure? I can call the police. I will get you out of here if you need that. I’ll make sure you’re safe.”
There was something in Drea’s voice that made Avery want to hold the doctor’s hand. “I’m positive. They’re good men.” She heard the catch in her own voice and stared up at the ceiling, blinking. She would not give the fucker who did this to her any more of her tears.
“And whoever did this to you isn’t,” Drea said firmly. “Do you want me to do a rape kit?”
“That’s not necessary. Besides, a court of law’s not going to be the one who convicts the man who did this.” Avery heard the vengeance in her own voice and after a brief pause, Drea nodded approvingly.
After a moment, Drea held up a needle and Avery almost fell out of bed trying to get away from it.
“It’s okay, Avery. Please, breathe. I’m putting the needle down,” Drea told her. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than you’ve been.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t feel anything when he did it. That was . . . horrible.” She stared at Drea as if willing her to understand. “I need to know it really happened. If I don’t deal with it now, it’s going to come back and bite me. I need to feel the pain.”
“Oh honey,” Drea said sadly. “It’s my job to stop the pain.”
“Only if you can erase it forever. Really, I can take it.”
“If I can’t get you stitched up properly, I’m not going to have a choice,” Drea warned her, but went ahead with what she needed to do.
It hurt. Burned. Avery stared at the ceiling and thought about all the ways she would make Landon pay, for everything. By the time Drea was done, at least an hour had passed and tears had streamed down Avery’s face.
Except for murmuring, “You okay?” several times during the procedure, Drea was completely focused. She covered the stitches loosely with a dressing.
“There will be some seepage for the next forty-eight hours, which is normal,” Drea explained. “I’ve started you on an antibiotic already. A strong one. I’d like to clean you up, get you dressed.”
“I don’t . . . have clothes,” she murmured, not answering to what Drea was saying.
“I’ve got some scrubs in my bag I can give you,” Drea continued. “They’ll be comfortable.”
“Thank you. I’m sure this wasn’t how you expected to spend your evening.”
“I’ve learned to take life as it comes.” Drea took more things out of her bag. “I’m going to clean you up and make sure I’m not missing anything.”
“Please. I want to wash him off me,” Avery said, teeth gritted. Drea nodded, got up and went to the bathroom. She came back with a basin full of warm water, washcloths and gloves.
She cleaned Avery up gently, but even that hurt. Avery clenched her teeth and bore it. Drea looked up at Avery, nodding, realizing that Avery hadn’t been lying about not being raped. But Avery was still grateful to have as much of the experience wiped off her as possible.
Drea looked over the other bandages after dressing her in the scrubs. “I went slowly with the stitching because I was trying to minimize the scarring. After it heals, I’m betting a plastic surgeon could work miracles.”
“Thanks, Drea.”
“I’m going to talk to your friends about getting you some food. Can I put a mild painkiller in your IV? You won’t be numb. I won’t snow you.”
“Yeah, that would be good,” Avery said. She needed sleep. Needed all her strength to get through this. “Food, maybe later.”
“Definitely sooner than later,” Drea advised. “You did great. I’ll send Gunner in now. I’m surprised he’s stayed out this long.”
Through the curtain, Gunner watched Drea’s fingers flying over Avery’s skin. Jem set it up so he could easily see both their outlines, and although it wasn’t close enough, it was better than nothing.
Avery was holding back her whimpers. She’d refused pain meds.
“Dude, you gotta unclench,” Jem said quietly, passed him a cigarette.
Gunner lit it and inhaled the smoke deep into his lungs, blew it out toward the open window, because he couldn’t do anything else. “I want to kill him. If he was here in front of me . . .”
“I know. But going off half-cocked isn’t going to help the plan.”
“What is the plan? I still can’t believe Landon would pull this shit. It doesn’t make sense. Hurting women’s never been Landon’s style.” He had to think about it rationally, or else he’d start smashing everything in the room.
“But these women are standing between him and you,” Jem reminded him. “Makes sense in a very fucked-up way.”