When she turns, I follow her down a hall and into her chambers. Weak? I do a mock curtsy behind her back.
We’ll just see about that, Your Majesty.
THIRTY-TWO
My Life Seems to Stop
Insanity. Clearly this is not Oz. It’s Wonderland. Because I’ve gone mad. In fact, we’re all a little mad here. Crazy mad. Angry mad. Take your pick. There’s plenty to go around.
One minute I’m reunited with Joshua. He’s kissing me and I’m kissing him. It’s no Kiss of Infinity, but the passion, the connection, the chemistry between us is undeniable. He’s my best friend playing guitar. His embrace is a cup of hot cider. His kiss ignites a fire and everything is where it belongs.
“Cheer up, sleepy Jean.” His tenor pierces my ears and my heart. He sways me to his own melody. The song never changes. We are us. Forever the same.
Leave it to Kyaphus to ruin everything.
A split second before he tore us apart, I sensed him. Maybe it was the Verity recognizing the way-too-close proximity of the Void, or perhaps I became aware my reunion was about to be spoiled. He does that. Weasels his way in, gets in my head. My heart.
When I touched him, my insides passed through the shredder.
And now, here we are. Just as when we collided in Wichgreen Village, embracing for the first time, everything has changed.
His heartbeat against my skin brings it all back, drowning me in emotion, pouring out the truth behind my twisted, turned-around memories. Behind my blind hatred.
Ky saved me from Gage.
Ky played a song composed for me alone.
Ky kissed me on the beach of the Fourth.
Ky. Ky. Ky.
I want to hit him and fall into his arms in the same instant. How dare he let this happen. How dare he let me believe Joshua was—is—the one.
“Em,” he says, lazy half grin and all.
Oh, ouch. My heart. I can’t take it. Can’t take knowing what I knew since we connected before I fell through the Threshold. Whatever Joshua gave me is strong. But not strong enough. Touching Ky is key, and I won’t lose him again. I can’t.
“I said always and I meant it.” He tucks my hair away from my face and behind my ear. The first time he did this I hid. Now I lean into his touch.
Ky smells of spring and earth and all things green. He’s the Emerald City as it’s intended to be. With the rain pouring down, washing everything anew. Alive and thriving and bright. Colors seem to enhance, and the world shifts into focus.
“I found you.” Be still, my soul—his breath smells like a first kiss. “You said bound souls find one another. You were right, Em. You were so right.” His eyes close.
“Yes. She was.” Joshua takes hold of his bicep.
I have a mind to slap him. He can’t do this to me. Not again. “Joshua,” I plead. “Don’t.”
I search his eyes. There’s a light in his cerulean gaze, but a darkness swirls beyond them too. He’s sorry but determined. Forever trying to make my choices for me.
A new dance ensues in honor of the Lioness, who has yet to rear her hairy head. It’s a wild ruckus of a song. A few glasses of punch and these people turn this ball into a party. They jump and clash and bash their heads. The music isn’t quite so much Metallica as it is Hot Chelle Rae, and all I hear is “la, la, la” and “oh well” and “whatever.”
Except not whatever. Because this music is so wrong for the seriousness of the situation. Like standing at the precipice of a rave, watching everyone go crazy but you can’t bring yourself to join in. The DJ has it all backward. This song doesn’t fit and please play something else. Anything else. Taylor Swift or Christina Perri or Jamie Scott or Snow Patrol. Music that means something. I don’t want to get lost in the beat. I need to be found in it.
“Joshua.” I face him fully, keeping a hand on Ky at all times. “Listen.” The music drowns my voice. I raise it. “Don’t take him from me again. I beg of you.”
He shakes his head. His jaw works. In all the time I’ve known him, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen him this drenched in emotion. His eyes glisten enough for tears. But none fall. “I . . .” He reaches for me, then draws back. Shifts his glance between Ky and me. “I cannot live without you. I . . . need you.”
The admission appears almost unbearable for him. As if saying these words removes some part of his manhood. Yet somehow these mean more than any of his “I love yous” ever did.
I sniff. Blink. The truth stings my throat as I force myself to admit, “I . . . need Ky.”
Joshua’s nod and pursed lips bring relief and heartbreak. He’s going to relent. At last he’ll let me go.
I give Ky my full attention once more. The invisible thread between us is mending. Will a physical link recharge our connection? If we stay attached long enough, will the spell break?
Our minds reel. He hears every memory restored, removing Joshua and returning to the place he’s always belonged. I see every moment of his from start to finish since we’ve been apart. His decision to go it alone. A conversation with Mom causing him to change his mind.
It was you? I think. I lift my hand to my cheek and he covers it with his. All this time. You gave me the mirrormark? My mom said . . . soul love? Really? That’s . . . amazing.
He shrugs.
But then how did the wounds Haman inflicted heal? Joshua’s Ever blood—
“—was connected to me.” He finishes my thought. Hands that have become so familiar wrap my waist.
But Joshua can’t see my mark—
“A side effect of his Ever blood. Living outside time.”
I assumed the Verity lived outside of time, but Evers? Whoa.
From the corner of my eye, I notice Joshua staring, watching the scene unfold. Why does he torture himself? I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t lie either. He’ll never fully leave my heart. But it no longer belongs to him. Maybe I gave it to Ky years before I knew him.
Joshua said we were connected. Our foreheads touch and I’m home. He sensed me his entire life.
“The Verity joined us at birth. His blood still healed you. But only by way of the love you and I were meant to share from the beginning.”
The triangle. Our battle with Jasyn. I thought I was the link, uniting us all. But the common thread was never me.
It was Ky.
“Kiss me.” His soul breathes the words into my heart.
You read my mind, my soul breathes in return.
I see Joshua move before I can register a reflex. I hold tight to Ky, but my first love is too strong. He pulls his brother away. The Void in Ky has made him too weak to win this one.
Focus. Don’t blink. Keep eye contact. Don’t . . . lose . . . him.
Sing.