“Julian.” The pain, the deep sense of regret for what she had to do was visible in that one word.
Julian noted the shards of glass. “Lily, what happened? Are you okay?”
“You know what happened.” She held up her hand. “Don’t come any closer.”
Something flickered in his fathomless eyes. “Lily?”
She lowered her head. Her chest rose and fell with every painful breath, and her fingers curled. “How could you do that to him?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t lie to me!” she screamed. All the anger and pain bubbled over. She took a step toward him. “How could you do this? I trusted you!”
Julian raised his hand. “Lily—stop for a second. Tell me what you think I did.”
“You ripped Micah to pieces!” She shuddered, and the daggers slipped from her cuffs. She watched as his gaze narrowed upon her hands, then returned to her face. “You tore the flesh off him! Did you do this for me? Because I suspected him?”
Julian didn’t flinch. He met her wild stare with his own. “Don’t do this, Lily.”
There was no apology. No excuse—nothing. It felt like her heart had shattered all over again. “I have no choice. You left me no choice.”
“I will not fight you.”
Her eyes drifted shut briefly. She turned cold and numb. Duty, she told herself. You have your duty, if not your heart or sanity. “Then you will die.”
She flew at him. He stumbled backward, caught off guard by the intensity behind each kick and blow she delivered. The edge of her blade etched across his chest. A bright red line blossomed and bled through his damp shirt.
But he did not attack. Julian blocked what he could, but Lily moved like a whirlwind. Her jabs were quick and precise. Another red line inked down his cheek.
“Fight me!” she screamed at him again.
“I will not hurt you.” He blocked her swing.
“You already have!”
He flinched again, as if her words wounded him more than the edge of her blade. As Lily attacked, she thought of nothing but the blinding pain and shame she felt for trusting him, for loving him. Her thoughts were an irrational mess; her eyes brimmed with tears she refused to shed. And, my God, it had been Micah instead of her who ended up like Anna.
Julian knocked her arm away as her blade skated across his chest once more. “Stop this, Lily!”
She hit him with a double kick, slamming him into the wall. “I loved you!” she shrieked as she brought her right arm down on his chest.
Julian froze. Those bright eyes caught hers; his hands fell to his side. His beautiful face constricted. “Lily,” he whispered.
She faltered. She couldn’t catch her breath as she stared into those eyes. Lily saw him the first time he had saved her from Baal. Images of Julian carrying her back to the bedroom flashed before her. Kissing her, slipping inside her, and how he held her as if she were the most precious thing in the world. The way her heart swelled when she saw him, or the way her pulse quickened when he said her name so softly. She couldn’t move.
Somehow she still loved him.
Her arm trembled. There were mountains of reasons why she should kill him, especially when he made no move to defend himself. It would be easy. It wouldn’t be the first time she had killed a Fallen. That was all he was to her now—another Fallen that must be dealt with.
Oh God, she couldn’t do it. Because deep inside her, some twisted part of her still loved him. A scream of frustration tore through her, and her arm dropped.
Julian pushed off the wall, capturing her slender wrists. “Lily, please stop this.”
The worst thing was for him to touch her. It reminded her of too much. She tried to pull away. When that didn’t work, she used a side kick, but Julian flipped her around. He grabbed both of her wrists in one hand, wrapping his other arm around her waist. “Damn it, stop this!”
Lily struggled fiercely, desperately needing to get away. Even now, her body responded to him, her heart ached for him. It made no sense, but she could feel the turmoil inside of him. The pain he felt.
She kicked out, and a plant crashed to the floor. Lily managed to get her feet against the wall, but Julian knocked down her legs with one powerful sweep of his arm. She yelped and swung her elbows into his sternum.
Julian groaned. “Lily, knock it off!”
She attempted to jab him in the stomach again, but he jumped out of the way and flipped her around so that her back was against the wall. He pulled her arms above her head. Pressing the full length of his body against her, he pinned her there. “Stop it!” he snarled inches from her face. “I don’t know what the hell you think I did!”
He was crushing her, or at least that was how it felt to her. Maybe it was just a wild mix of emotions that were crushing her. “You know what you did!”
“I didn’t lay a hand on your precious Nephilim!”
“Bullshit! He said—”
“The finger was pointed at me?” he asked as his grip tightened around her wrists. “Big surprise there. I’m a Fallen. It’s reason enough for most of them.”
Lily slipped one of her legs out from his, managing to kick off the wall. This seemed to only anger him. He put her back to the wall and held her there.
“I’m a lot of things, Lily. You know what I am,” he said. “I have never hidden my nature from you. I’m single-minded—selfish to the core. I brutally protect what is mine.” His eyes bore into her, flaring with anger and a need that made her go still. “I lost my grace eons ago. I’m a Fallen, but I did not touch that Nephilim. I’m not a liar.”
Lily swallowed thickly. “Neither is Luke.”
He shifted her wrists to one hand, grasping her chin. “Look at me, Lily. Listen to me,” he ordered fiercely. “You said you loved me. How can you love someone you don’t trust?”
“No! I didn’t mean it.”
“You lied? You can’t fool me. You just haven’t loved me as long as I’ve loved you.”
“No. No!” She tipped her head back, letting out a strangled cry. Yesterday—days before—she would have melted at his feet if she had heard him say that. Now her heart crumbled. “What you did to Micah…”
“Forget about Micah.” His hand slipped to the flare of her hip. “You question if I love you? Are my words not truthful? Hearing me say it is not enough for you?”
“No.” Her hands curled, and the blades retracted harmlessly into her bracelets. “I don’t want this—these lies. I don’t love you.” She was lying, desperately so, and quickly losing control of the situation, of herself. “You’re just a Fallen. I was wrong. I saw you as a man and not what you are. I can’t love what you are!”
Anger flared deep in his eyes. “You don’t believe that. Not after all the passion we’ve shared.”
She tilted her head away. Could he see through her so easily? Her heart stuttered in her chest as his hot breath caressed her cheeks, sending shivers through her.
“All I’ve ever wanted to do is protect you, ever since the first time I saw you fighting those minions and deadheads,” he said. “It was probably after you stabbed me, but damn it, I’d never met anyone like you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Stop…”
“Before I knew it, I was following you when you weren’t working. I watched you put the garden together outside. I followed you when you went to that club, hating that I knew you were with someone else and not me.” He broke off, laughing harshly. “A fallen angel brought down by jealousy after hundreds and hundreds of years. You’d think I’d be above that, but I’m not. I wanted you day after day, night after night.
“Should I remind you of how much I love you?” His voice was husky, raw with emotion. “Do you need reminding of how much you love me?”