“You don’t even have to say anything. You both know what the other one’s thinking.” Ev gestured expansively. “On the pop-ups they show you working together, but this was like you were reading each other’s minds. You do what the other one wants you to do without even being told. It must be great to have a partner like that.”
“Fin, where on hell do you think you’re going?” Carson said. He was off his pony and untying the cameras. “Stop jabbering about mating customs and come help me. We’re camping here.”
It wasn’t a bad place to camp, and Bult was back to fining us, or at least me, for every step I took, but I was still worried. Carson’s binocs disappeared again, and Bult paced back and forth between the three of us while we were setting up camp and eating supper, giving me murderous looks. After supper he disappeared.
“Where’s Bult?” I asked Carson, looking out into the darkness for Bult’s umbrella.
“Probably looking for diamond pipes,” Carson said, huddling next to the lantern. It was chilly again, and there were big clouds over the Ponypiles.
I was still thinking about Bult. “Ev,” I asked, “do any of these species of yours get violent as part of their courtship rituals?”
“Violent?” Ev said. “You mean, toward their mate? Bull zoes sometimes accidentally kill their mates during the mating dance, and spiders and praying mantis females eat the male alive.”
“Like C.J.,” Carson said.
“I was thinking more of violence against something else, to impress the female,” I said.
“Predators sometimes kill prey to present to the female as a gift,” Ev said, “if you’d call that violence.”
I would, especially if it meant Bult was leading us into a nibbler’s nest or over a cliff so he could dump our carcasses at his girlfriend’s feet.
“Fahrrr,” Bult said, looming out of the darkness. He dumped a big pile of sticks in front of us. “Fahrrr,” he said to Carson, and squatted to light it with a chemical igniter. As soon as it was going, he disappeared again.
“Rivalry among males is common in almost all mammals,” Ev said, “elephant seals, primates—”
“Homo sap,” Carson said.
“Homo sapiens,” Ev said, unruffled, “elk, woodcats. In a few cases they actually fight to the death, but in most it’s symbolic combat, designed to show the female who’s stronger, more virile, younger—”
Carson stood up.
“Where are you going?”
“To run meteorologicals. I don’t like the looks of those clouds over the Ponypiles.” You couldn’t see the clouds over the Ponypiles, it was so dark, and he’d already run meteorologicals. I’d watched him while we were setting up camp. I wondered if he was worried about Bult and had gone to check on him, but Bult was right here, with another armful of sticks.
“Thanks, Bult,” I said. He glared at Ev and then at me again and walked off, still carrying the sticks.
I stood up.
“Where are you going?” Ev said.
“To run a whereabout on Wulfmeier. I want to make sure he made it to Starting Gate.” I pulled his pop-up out of my boot and tossed it to him. “Here. Tight Pants and Fancy Mustache’ll keep you company.”
I went over to the equipment. Carson was nowhere to be seen. I got the log and called up Bult’s fines. “Breakdown by day,” I said. “Secondary breakdown by person,” and watched it for a while, thinking about Bult and the binocs and Ev’s mating customs.
When I got back to the fire, Ev was sitting in front of an officeful of terminals, which didn’t look much like a Findriddy and Carson adventure.
“What’s that?” I said, sitting down beside him.
“Episode One. That’s you,” he said, pointing at one of the females.
I wasn’t wearing tight pants in this one. I was wearing a skimpy little skirt and one of C.J.’s shirts, landing lights and all, and talking into a screen with a geological on it.
Carson strolled into the office in his luggage vest, fringed pants, and a pair of boots the nibblers wouldn’t have even had to bite through. His mustache was slicked down and curled up, and all the females simpered at him like he was a buck with big horns.
“I’m looking for someone to go with me to a new planet,” he said, his eyes sweeping the room and coming to rest on Skimpy Skirt. Music from somewhere under the terminals started to play, and everything went pinkish. Carson walked over to her desk and stood over her, looking down her blouse.
After a while he said, “I’m looking for someone who longs for adventure, who’s not afraid of danger.” He held out his hand, and the music got louder. “Come with me,” he said.
“Is that how it was?” Ev said.
Well, my shit, of course it wasn’t like that. He’d swaggered in, sat down at my desk, and propped his muddy boots up on it.
“What are you doing here?” I’d said. “You run up too many fines again?”
“Nope,” he said, grabbing for my hand. “I wouldn’t mind running up a few more fraternizing with the sentients, though. How about it?”
I yanked my hand free. “What are you really doing here?”
“I’m looking for a partner. New planet. Surface survey and naming. Any takers?” He grinned at me. “Lots of perks.”
“I’ll bet,” I said. “Dust, snakes, dehyde food, and no bathrooms.”
“And me,” he said with that smug grin. “Garden of Eden. Wanta come?”
“Yeah,” I said, watching the pop-up go pinker. “That’s how it was.”
“Come with me,” Carson said again to Skimpy Skirt, and she stood up and gave him her hand. A draft from somewhere started blowing her hair and her skimpy skirt.
“It’ll be uncharted territory,” he said, looking in her eyes.
“I’m not afraid,” she said, “as long as I’m with you.”
“What on hell’s that supposed to be?” Carson said limping up.
“The way you and Fin met,” Ev said.
“And I suppose those landing lights are supposed to be Fin’s?”
“You finish your meteorologicals?” I cut in before he could say anything about not being able to tell I was a female half the time.
“Yeah,” he said, warming his hands over the fire. “Supposed to rain in the Ponypiles. I’m glad we’re heading north tomorrow.” He looked back at Carson and Skimpy Skirt, who were still holding hands and looking sappy-eyed at each other. “Evie, which adventure did you say this was supposed to be?”
“It’s when you first met,” Ev said. “When you asked Fin to be your partner.”
“Asked her?” Carson said. “My shit, I didn’t ask her. Big Brother said my partner had to be a female, for gender balance, whatever on hell that is, and she was the only female in the department who knew how to run terrains and geologicals.”
“Fahrrr,” Bult said and dumped his load of sticks on Carson’s bad foot.
Expedition 184: Day 3
I hauled my bedroll out by the ponies so I didn’t have to listen to Carson, and in the morning I said, “Come on, Ev, you’re riding with me. I want to hear all about mating customs from you.”
“Chilly around here this morning,” Carson said.
I strapped the camera on Useless and cinched it tight.
“I don’t like the look of those clouds,” Carson said, looking at the Ponypiles. They were covered with low clouds that were spreading out. Half the sky was overcast. “It’s a good thing we’re heading north.”
“Sahhth,” Bult said, pointing south. “Brik.”
“I thought you said there was a break north of here,” Carson said.
“Sahtth,” Bult said, glaring at me.
I glared back.