“No,” I said. “It wasn’t like that. I was just scared. It was fight or flight. I don’t even know how…”
I waved my hands at the room, the corpses, the four men who I barely knew.
“It doesn’t work like that,” Ex said. “You think Eric put some kind of protection on her?”
Midian looked at the newcomer with distrust, then shrugged.
“He left her the whole joint,” Midian said. “Be all kinds of stupid not to watch out for her too.”
“I don’t have powers,” I said, louder than I’d meant to. My hands were on my knees, the knuckles bloodless and white.
“Can we get back to the issue at hand?” Aubrey said. “We’ve got a rider cult in town. They took out Eric, and now it looks like they’re after Jayné. We have four shells that we need to get rid of, and Jayné and Midian here to get to shelter. Whatever else is going on, that’s where we’re starting, okay?”
“Right,” Chogyi Jake said. “I’ve got the van downstairs. I’ll go get the dolly and the drop cloths, and we can get them out of here.”
Ex stood up. There was blood on his fingers. There was blood everywhere.
“The door isn’t as bad as it looks,” he said. “A couple long wood screws will hold it together well enough that no one will notice unless they’re looking for it. I can take care of that while Chogyi Jake loads them up.”
“Good thing you boys are on the side of the angels,” Midian said. “A serial killer would pay a lot for those kinds of services.”
“You can come with us,” Ex said. “Help dig.”
“What about getting me to shelter?” Midian asked.
“We can keep you covered,” Ex said.
Midian shrugged. Aubrey nodded his approval.
“I’ll get Jayné back to Eric’s place. When you’re done, you can bring Midian too.”
“You think that’s safe?” Chogyi Jake asked.
“Eric has more wards and protections on that house than anyplace else,” Aubrey said. “It’s not perfect, but it’s the best I can think of. And we’re a little short on time.”
They all took his point. I let him lead me out of the apartment and down to the street. Night had fallen while I’d been inside. It was a shock to see the cars and the low iron fence, to smell the exhaust, the distant suggestion of rain. I’d only been in the apartment for a few hours. It had been a lifetime.
He drove the same car he’d had at the airport the day before. I strapped on the seat belt and leaned against the window as he pulled into traffic. The moon looked more or less the way it had before I’d been attacked, before I’d been part of killing someone. The city lights obscured the stars. Aubrey didn’t speak, and neither did I, but I was sensitive to all the small movements and sounds he made. Shifting his weight as he accelerated or touched the brakes, clearing his throat. My body felt heavy, like I’d had the flu and was still recovering. A police siren wailed but Aubrey didn’t seem worried by it, so I let myself ignore it too.
Back at Eric’s house—my house—Aubrey took my keys and opened the door so that I could shamble into the living room and sit on the couch. He sat beside me, his hand on the cushion above and behind me; close, but careful not to touch. I leaned toward him, my fingers reaching out like roots on a seedling. His physical presence was more comforting than I could have imagined.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “I’m pretty fucked up. I’ve never…I’ve never been part of anything like that.”
“It’s hard,” he agreed.
“I don’t have powers. Whatever they said, I’m just a normal girl who—”
“Don’t worry about it,” Aubrey said. “We’ll make sense of the loose ends later.”
I didn’t know why I hated Midian’s suggestion that I was anything more than I seemed. Maybe because I was frightened that it might be true, and one more world-shifting change was set to pop my brain. One question kept pushing through the confusion, and even though I more than half didn’t want to hear the answer, it came out. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to pull myself together
“They really are the ones who killed Eric, aren’t they?”
Aubrey sighed. His arm behind me shifted. I wanted it to come down around my shoulders, but it didn’t.
“I think so. The Invisible College…Eric’s talked about them before. I didn’t know that he was going up against them now. They’re not good.”
“What are they, then. I mean, not good. No cookies. Check.”
Aubrey leaned in. I could smell the detergent on his shirt, the salt and musk under it like a perfume made from freshly washed boy. Something was making my throat a little dry, and I didn’t know if it was his body close to mine or another aftereffect of the shock. Or if there was a difference.
“There was a story Eric told me one time. He said Coin had been part of a scheme that took orphans from Eastern Europe and…hollowed them out. Put other things in them. Riders. And then the kids were adopted out. People would think they were adopting children, and instead, they’d get…monsters. Families would be broken apart. The riders would have a safe place to grow until they were ready to move on or spawn daughter organisms.”
“And Coin did it all for shits and giggles?”
“Coin did it in trade,” Aubrey said. “For the favors those riders could do him later. Eric stopped it. The Invisible College has hated him ever since. So yes, I think he’d be wise to try and break Coin. And I know they’d want Eric dead.”
“Okay,” I said.
He looked over at me. I couldn’t quite read his expression. I tilted my head, asking the question without asking.
“You’re like him,” he said. “You’re…impressive in the same way.”
I felt a flush in my skin, and I caught my breath like he’d asked me to freaking prom. I was acting like a sixteen-year-old on her first date. It embarrassed me. I tried to stop.
“What way’s that?” I asked.
“Well, you didn’t even know about Eric’s work until today, right? Now you’ve found out about him, and about riders and magic. You’ve been attacked. You’ve seen people die. Any one of those would have been enough to spin you. All of them together…I’m surprised you aren’t in a puddle on the floor.”
“I feel like I am,” I said with a great big adult, non-sexually charged sigh. “I feel like I’m floating off somewhere about three feet to the left of me.”
“Well, it doesn’t show. And food and sleep can’t hurt, right?”
He shifted, preparing to rise, and I reached out. I put my hand on his arm. From his eyes, I thought he felt the plea in the motion.
“It’s going to be all right,” he said. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it will. You’ve been six different women in the last twenty-four hours. You’re just a little dizzy. But it’ll be all right.”
I was aware of how badly I wanted to kiss him. I could feel his arms around me, my face against his shoulder as if it had already happened.
“Jane,” he said.
I corrected him. He looked embarrassed and tried out my name a couple of times, finally getting it right. Before he could get back to his thought, I leaned over toward him. I could feel the warmth of his body, hear the shushing of his shirt against his skin as he moved. I’d heard stories about people hooking up after something terrible. Emergency room doctors falling into bed together, soldiers after a firefight, strangers who’d survived some life-threatening disaster. I’d never understood it, but now it made sense.
I wanted. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted his body to reassure mine. I wanted something that would take away everything I’d seen and touched and done, something bright and good and true. Something that would hold off death. I wanted him to say my name again, and not in the tone he’d just used.
The voice, when it came, wasn’t his. It came from the back of the house, and it was Uncle Eric’s.
“Hey,” it said, “you’ve got a call.”
I yelped and jumped back, my heart thumping like a pair of sneakers in a dryer. Aubrey looked at me, and then back at the dark hallway.