She had to close her eyes against the tilt in her equilibrium as it sucked her under. Emotion rushed through her as she drowned in the way she felt and then the way he did. Sounds, scents, everything all around her amped up. Even the bedding beneath her demanded her attention with the cool caress of cotton. It was so much.
Was it supposed to be like this? It was too late to back out, and he didn’t seem alarmed so she hoped that meant it was okay. She let it take her, all that sensation, all those demands for sensory attention, and she trusted he’d make sure she’d get through.
She lost herself for a little while, and when she opened her eyes, she had to drag in a breath at the intensity of the connection she had with him.
He pressed a cool cloth against her face and neck. “Are you all right?” She didn’t even remember him getting out of bed.
“How long was I…um…whatever that was?”
“A few minutes. You’re fine now. I’ve been told the change, the binding, is a little harder on a non-wolf. You’re so beautiful.” He kissed her softly.
She swallowed hard and tried to sit up as the world shifted enough that she remained on her back. “This is…are you all right?”
He smiled down at her, and the way he felt wasn’t just clear in his features, it was like she felt it too. A burst of love. Of adoration. Of the need to protect. Even of the loam and forest of his wolf. All he was when it came to his feelings about her was there and she knew it.
“I’m fucking perfect.” He took her hand and put it over his heart. “You’re here now. I can feel you, Michelle. You’re amazing.”
So much emotion. It was perfect and wonderful and beyond anything she’d ever felt, and it was totally and completely okay. She belonged to something bigger and more important than she’d dreamed of. “Incredible. This is…thank you. This is the best thing I’ve ever felt. And it’s all because of you. Wow, this is better than the first spell I ever learned. Better than anything. I love you, Josh. I don’t know that I ever stopped, but teenage-girl love has nothing on this. I’ve decided I’m going with it. Magick, whatever it is. I’m in.”
He kissed her again, long and slow. “I love you too.” He nipped her bottom lip and she snuggled closer. “Mate.”
“I like that. Mate.”
“Me too.”
When she got out of the shower, he’d made her some breakfast, and coffee waited on the table.
“Wow, you’re handy in all sorts of ways.”
“I figured you’d need the sustenance. Pam called.”
She took the coffee and sat, putting eggs on her plate. She realized his emotions were like a radio station. She could choose to tune in and listen or turn the sound down. He was worried, upset. “Tell me.”
“They’re not going to release the body for at least a week. There’s not a whole lot of it left, and she thinks you should have a talk with Kathy about having the body cremated in Portland and then sent down here. Save her any trauma of seeing Allie in that condition.”
She’d had a feeling it would be like that.
“I went over it with her last night. I didn’t want to alarm her or give her more detail than she needs. She doesn’t need to know all of it. Hell, I wish I didn’t know it all. But I did say there was no chance of an open casket for a viewing and I did push for a cremation. She’s not going to be pleased about the delay in releasing the body but I get it. They want to see what the hell is going on. That scene, it was like out of a movie. The authorities are going to start talking occult or something like that soon. I called Owen about it. They’re dealing with a bunch of stuff right now as well. More disappearances all over the country.”
He ate quietly, watching her.
“What?”
“Will you come back with me? To Portland?”
She sucked in a breath. “Yes. I mean, I do need to be around to help Kathy when she needs it. But right now her family is there. I can’t go back to work. Dexter said, when I told him, see what comes of mixing with them, and I knew right then I had to quit. I’ll give my notice but time it so I don’t have to go back at all. Save them the trouble of disciplining me, I guess. It’ll look better on a job application elsewhere if I didn’t get fired.”
She felt the hot rush of his anger at that. “Gonna take some getting used to. This connection thing.”
“Strong emotions are easiest to feel through the bond. I can’t believe he’d be so heartless. It makes me want to punch him in the face.”
“Get in line. I don’t get it, but I can’t waste any more time on trying to get him to see the error of his ways. I know there are some pretty good guys left. I’ll speak to them to be sure they keep an eye on Kathy.”
“Good idea. Do you think she’d go away for a while? For safety’s sake?”
She shook her head. “No way. She has a life here. She won’t go. But her sister will stay on a month or two so that will help.” She sighed. “I just can’t be here right now. She’s everywhere and I can’t. There’s like part of me missing. I keep reaching for it to use it, to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about you, about this, and I can’t because she’s gone.”
He got up and moved to her, pulling her into a hug. Her upset smoothed a little.
“You’re like Prozac.”
He chuckled. “The bond has a lot of plusses. You have that effect on me too. Still, I wish I could make this better. I wish it ended differently for her. You did all you could. I wish you could see that.”
“I wish I could too. Maybe after some time goes by.” She suspected she’d feel like a failure over this for the rest of her days. “She’s gone and I’m not. If I saw something earlier. If I had tried this or that. I don’t know. But she died alone and terrified, and I wasn’t there to save her.”
His arms tightened around her. “I know. And it kills me for both of your sakes. I believe you did all you could and more. But I know you and understand you’re going to run it over and over and over until you’re convinced you did all you could and maybe that’ll never happen for you. I want to shoulder all your burdens but I get that I can’t in every case. Now that we’re bound, it’s like that imperative is turned up to twelve on the dial. I want to sling you over my shoulder and run away with you. Take you somewhere no one can find us. But I also realize that’s not going to happen. So we’ll have to work it through. Together though. Because that’s what has to happen. You need to let me help.”
“I know. I’m trying. I guess the anchor thing needs to happen now. Or soon.”
He sucked in a breath. “Yes. It should be in the next day or two. There are some wolves coming in from Boston. Late this afternoon, actually. That’s why I was asking if you were coming back home with me. Well aside from me wanting you with me in our place. I want to handle the security myself from the airport. Jack Meyers, he’s the National Enforcer. He’s coming to Portland to meet with Tracy, Nick and Gabe before he heads up to Seattle for a meeting of the packs to talk about this whole mage thing. There’ll be a lot of higher-ranked wolves around. Not Jack, he’s mated, has a version of a tri-bond actually. But there will be others, unmated wolves.”
“Like an assortment of chocolates. Or a buffet. So what if, you know, we end up a threesome? I’m not sure I can handle two alpha males. One is exhausting enough.”
He snorted. “It’s going to be all right. Like I said, the whole threesome thing is totally rare. Jack is mated with a witch and a jaguar shifter. The witch and the jaguar were together first. They’d imprinted, which is sort of the jaguar version of mating. And then Jack met her and she was his mate. They’re all three together and mated. It’s intense, but it totally works for them.”