“Ramirez called. It’s true. But I still can’t believe it. Not Will Davis.” Her voice breaks. “Happened last night in his hometown. His sister found him this morning in his apartment.”
We don’t speak. We just stand there, for how long I don’t know. Her phone pings.
“Jon. Jon, I have to go. My cab is here. My flight’s at four. I’d stay but—” She implores with her gaze and I snap out of the numbness that’s come over me.
“Yeah. Go. You have to catch your flight.” She’s concerned. About me, about how I will handle this news. Always selfless, this one, worrying about others when she received the same bad news. It’s then I realize I’m still gripping her shoulders tight. I loosen my hold and rub her arms up and down before I release her.
“Hey, I’ll be okay. Are you going to be okay?” She wraps me in a bear hug, the tiny sprite that she is. I’m so lucky to have a friend in this woman.
“We’ll get through this.” I nod and pick up her bag. She takes it from me and heaves it onto her shoulder.
“You need to go now.”
“Later, Jon. We’ll talk soon.”
“Later, Alex.”
I walk her to the door and she waves once more before she trudges to the cab at the curb. We wave one last time and I close and lock the door.
The silence is stifling. I feel trapped in my own skin. He’s really gone. Will’s really gone. I fall to the floor and scream as loud as I can. I punch the floor but it brings no relief from the pain that seeps inside.
I could have stopped this. He called me to talk. I could have done something. Panic clouds my mind. My skin feels dirty. Will’s face flashes before me and I bite back a sob. Clean. I just need to be clean. I stumble down the hallway. It’s all too much. The room before me fades to black.
THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY. IT’S only three but I’m itching to get out of work early. I’m not the only one, either; everyone has left for the weekend except me and Teagan. It’s been an exciting week for the studio, but a long one too. Working with the band has taken everyone’s attention and time.
They are a fun group of guys to work with, but I’m glad they are in Cali for the next few days. Trent consumes more of my mind and energy than I like to admit. He’s sexy, a giant flirt, and relentless, and my attraction grows daily. He asks me out constantly and last night after a ten hour work day I finally gave in. I agreed to one date, post production of our studio work with the band because I don’t mix business with pleasure. Much. My yes only fed his ego, I know this, but his confidence is a turn on and I’m looking forward to our date. Hopefully next weekend, if all goes according to plan.
I’ve also spent a good amount of time hanging out with Alex in the evenings after work. We just click and I’m happy to call her a friend. She’s one bad ass friend, too. I admire that after all she’s been through she has this insanely positive attitude. I’m sad she’s flying back home today and I won’t get to see her. We said our good-byes last night and I shed a few tears. I hope she visits again soon.
Alex Ass Kicker: Kate? You still at work?
Well, speak of the devil. I glance from my laptop to my phone screen and see a text come in.
Kate: Yup. Still here. Unfortunately. You at the airport yet?
Kate: I already miss your face!
Alex Ass Kicker: Hey, I need you to do me a favor. Can you leave work early and check on Jon? I’m worried about him. I had to get to the airport but I didn’t want to leave him that way.
Kate: What’s going on?
Alex Ass Kicker: I feel bad texting this to you but I can’t talk right now. I’ll lose it. A comrade of ours committed suicide last night. I just found out a few hours ago.
I drop the phone to my desk. It’s one of those moments when just a minute ago I was worried about something stupid and meaningless, but now, now I’m floored by the sadness and gravity of the situation. One thought rolls through my mind: I need to get to Jon. I stand and grab my bag, and haphazardly toss my personal items inside as quickly as I can manage. Stumbling down the hall, I call out to Teagan.
“Hey, girl, I hate to do this to you but I need you to lock up. I’ve got to leave now. Family emergency.” Teagan watches my face and nods with a somber expression.
“Of course, Kate. Get out of here. I’ll take care of things. Text me if you need anything, okay?”
“Thanks, Teagan. You’re the best.” I yell over my shoulder as I race out the back door and straight to my rental car. My phone dings a few times but it’s buried somewhere in my bag and I don’t waste time trying to find it. I concentrate on driving fast and safe to the apartment. Heavy sickness settles in my gut. I need to get to Jon.
Swinging the rental into the open space beside Jon’s truck I shove the door open and shut behind me, then run as quickly as possible in my black pumps up to the apartment. My heartbeat races and I can’t tell if it’s from the adrenaline or the fear of what I’ll find inside.
I turn the key and twist the handle. “Jon?” I call inside the apartment. Nothing. An uneasiness crawls over my skin. I lock the door and throw my bag to the ground, then walk toward the bedrooms. Before I reach his door the running shower catches my attention. I pound on the bathroom door.
“Jon! Jon, are you in there?” Stupid. I know he’s inside but I don’t know what else to say. Nothing again. A chill runs down my spine and I grip the handle with a sweaty palm. I twist and push forward the door. It opens with no trouble, and inside the steam is so thick I struggle to breathe.
“Jon?” I speak gently. Nothing. I step across the threshold and that’s when I hear it. Soft crying from behind the curtain. I should give him space, but my concern overpowers any social protocols. I approach the shower and slide the curtain open a few inches.
I gasp. Oh, baby. My heart shatters into a million pieces to find my strong friend sitting hunched over on the floor of the shower. He’s fully clothed, elbows resting on his knees, his head held in hands. Water cascades over his shaking form.
“Jon.” I squat down against the side of the shower tub and reach out my hand. At my touch he jerks his head and looks through me, water splashing his face.
“I need to get clean. Kate. I can’t get clean.” He begs in a strained voice. He’s looking my way with a blank expression, and even his tone is off, as though he’s not fully present. My heart drops. His pain emanates and hits me square in the chest. “I can’t get clean.” He says it again and I have this insane need to make it better.
“It’s okay, Jon. I’ll help you.”
I stand and reach out to grip his hands in my own. I give a little pull and he stands. I kick off my heels. I’m still dressed in my work clothes and I’d rather not soak them, even though it seems we’re taking a fully clothed shower.
I release his hands and quickly unzip my skirt and unbutton my blouse. My underwear today is modest enough, simple black lace hipster panties and demi bra and he’s seen me in less, so I don’t know why I even care. I step into the stream of warm water and cup Jon’s face firmly between my hands so he meets my eyes.
“I’m here now. I’ve got you.”
It’s like he sees me for the first time and his blank face crumples in pain. “Oh, Kate,” he moans as sobs wrack his body. I move closer and wrap my arms around his waist to hold him tight to my own body. I let him cry. I’m sure he needs the release, and I won’t let him go it alone. As his sobs taper off he tries to pull back. I loosen my grip slightly and look into his eyes.
“God. I’m sorry you have to see me this way.” He tries to push me further away and I suspect his pride is the motivator.
“Hey. Don’t push me away.”
“I don’t want you to see me like this.”