“Ohmygod, I’m so sorry!” Fey exclaims when she sees me scrambling for the sheets. “Here, let me help you.”
She squats down. Robin is right there beside her. He gives me a shy smile and then focuses on the floor.
I’ve never been able to figure out why he’s so afraid of me. Sonja once told me that I give off “intimidating vibes.” But just because I have a backbone and am not afraid to stand up for myself does not make me a scary person! In fact, both my roommates have laughed and said they consider me the nicest girl they’ve ever met—after they got through my tough exterior.
That week, I made a point of smiling at every single stranger I saw. The end result was no different.
“So, what’s with all the excitement?” I ask after we clean up.
Fey blows out her hair. “Didn’t you hear? Tomorrow’s Daily News just went to print. They’re announcing this year’s finalist for the Barker Prize. Robin got us an advanced copy.”
I tilt my head to the side. “So?”
“So? You’re one of them, sweetheart!”
My eyes go wide. “What?”
The Barker Prize is the most prestigious award given to students in the faculty of psychology. Every year, the professors submit one name from their entire enrollment as a nominee. Dozens of students vie for each precious spot. They have to write a paper that brings to light issues connecting the study of psychology to society at large.
It’s mostly an exercise in creative writing—not dissimilar to a college admissions essay. Nearly all the submissions end up being wasted work. There are only twenty professors in the faculty. That means twenty nominated spots.
From those, a selection committee picks the five most promising entries. These are then publicized and voted on by the faculty members of the entire college.
“…But I didn’t even apply!” I protest. “How is that even possible?”
Fey’s eyes sparkle. “Robin found the essay you wrote after you printed it and threw it in the trash. He read the first few paragraphs and thought it was brilliant.”
Robin keeps his eyes glued to the floor, but it’s not enough to hide his growing grin. “Sorry,” he mumbles, shrugging his shoulders and trying to look penitent.
So that’s the reason he’s been refusing to look at me all this time!
“It’s okay,” I say, shaking my head. “But I don’t understand. What I wrote was a piece of garbage. I spent one night on it before realizing it was a colossal waste of time. My essay didn’t even have a conclusion!”
“Well, after I read it, I showed it to Sonja.” Fey gives me a mischievous look. “And she thought it was brilliant, too. We kind of, um, improvised the ending… and then submitted it on your behalf.”
I look at her in disbelief. “You what?”
“You were so busy we decided not to trouble you,” she says quickly. “We thought it would be a nice surprise if you got it.” She squeals. “And you did!”
I’m stunned. “Fey, I don’t… I don’t know what to say.” Even though she and Sonja did it without asking, I don’t feel affronted in the least. I am more in awe that Fey and Robin and Sonja all thought my essay was good enough to submit. And I am absolutely blown away not only by some professor selecting my entry as his nomination, but by the freaking selection committee deciding that what I wrote in one night was one of the five best applications!
“Who nominated me?”
“Professor Hickler!” she exclaims.
I look at her like she’s insane. “Hickler? I’ve never had a professor hate me more. He gave me my lowest grade last semester. And, I might add, that wasn’t for a lack of effort on my part.”
Fey giggles. “You say that, but you still earned the highest grade in his class.” She winks. “I know. I saw the curve.”
“So, you and Sonja went to him, with my paper… and said what? Students are supposed to petition their nominations individually.”
She waves my concern away. “We made up a sob story about you coming down with a nasty case of swine flu and being stuck in quarantine.”
“But I was in class that week!”
“I know that. So did Professor Hickler. But the story gave enough plausible credibility for him to bend the rules.”
“I don’t believe this,” I mutter. “Fey, you’re amazing! Both you and Robin are amazing! Where’s Sonja? Does she know?”
“Not yet.” Fey winks. “You’re the first to find out, aside from the Daily editors.” She pauses in thought, then adds in a stage whisper, “From what Robin’s gathered, you’re the front-running nominee.”
Chapter Fourteen
(Present day)
I come to with a gasp.
Cold, I think. So cold.
I open my eyes. The tray of food’s still there, with that mocking spotlight shining bright upon it. And the contract. Always, the goddamn contract.
How did it come to this? I wonder. I’m starving. I’m dying. How did I fall so far?
It all began with that prize. That is what brought me to California. If I had known back then what it would lead to…
But of course I didn’t. No one could.
I hug my arms around myself and wonder how Fey and Sonja are holding up. I wonder when they last thought of me. They were both crushed when I called and told them I’d be staying in Cali for the year, working on my internship.
They still think that’s what I’m doing. When it fell through, and I was stuck with no income, no home, and nothing but loans and debts to my name, my blasted pride prevented me from calling them and admitting the hard truth.
I bet they think I’m working hard while enjoying the life I’ve always imagined for myself. They probably think I have it made with my $120,000 contract from the consulting firm. They probably think I’ve forgotten about them because I haven’t called for so long.
The last thought fills me with sadness.
But taking the contract was a no brainer. Money like that is only offered to a fresh-faced, Ivy League graduate once in a blue moon. It is never offered to an intern—especially to one who hasn’t even earned her diploma yet.
I knew it was too good to be true.
But, when I held the offer sheet in my hands, when I felt the weight of the paper, and imagined the freedom that that money would bring… I couldn’t say, “No.”
It seemed like such an easy decision back then. Sign the contract. Take a year’s leave of absence. Return to Yale next fall. Reappear in 2014 with a huge chunk of change written off my debt from the earnings.
It seemed easy until it all fell through.
Chapter Fifteen
(Five months ago)
It’s May. The sun is bright and the birds are singing.
But campus feels like a graveyard.
Today is the final day of exams. Everywhere you look, sleep-deprived students are trudging to and fro like cattle. The lucky few who had their last exams last week have long since abandoned campus.
Not me. Lilly Ryder is one of the zombies.
Fey is chattering in my ear. She is one of the only people I see with a smile on her face. It’s been plastered on there ever since Robin proposed last weekend.
She said, “Yes.”
“Lilly. Lilly, are you even listening to me?”