That was my opening. “Nothing.”
“Any new pictures?”
“No…I’ve just been working on older stuff.”
“So, do you know any more about the guy from the art show?” She had a twinkle in her eye.
“What guy?”
“Ash—I think that’s his name.”
“My neighbor?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes lit up. “Have you seen him grab the paper in his boxers?”
My face reddened. “You sound like a teenager sometimes.”
“What? He’s hot.”
I never really thought about him in that way, but I couldn’t deny that he was a good-looking guy.
“Is he single?”
“He’s no good for you,” I said immediately.
“What? Why?”
“He’s not the kind of guy who looks for a relationship.”
“Who said I was looking for a relationship?” She smirked.
I hit her arm. “Don’t be gross.”
“He seemed like a nice guy.”
“He is.” I recalled all the sweet things he did for me. “He’s actually a really good guy, one of the best people I know.”
She studied my face. “You have a crush on your neighbor?”
“What? No!”
“Then why are you smiling like that?”
“He’s just helped me get through a tough time…I’ll never forget his kindness.”
“Tough time? What’s going on?”
Now I needed to come clean. My pleasant mood disappeared. “Jace and I broke up over a month ago.”
“Yes!” She clapped her hands in excitement.
I gave her a glare.
“I mean…” She rested her hand on mine. “Are you okay?”
“I’m getting there.”
“I’m glad you finally dumped him. I hate to say it but he wasn’t in love with you anymore. His eyes were always wandering and he never paid attention to you. If you told me he was cheating on you, I wouldn’t be surprised.” She laughed at her own comment then sucked down the rest of her soda.
Now I felt awkward.
She caught the look. “What?”
“Nothing.” I picked at my rice but didn’t eat it.
The sadness filled her eyes. She looked at me like she lost the whole world. The remorse and pain shined bright, and she took a deep breath, steadying her emotions. When she looked at me like that, it made me want to cry. I stayed strong and pretended she hadn’t wounded me. “Alaska, I’m so sorry…” She squeezed my hand and sighed. “I’m such a bitch. I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”
“It’s okay,” I said quietly.
Flustered, she ran her fingers through her hair. “How did this happen?”
“Ash caught him. They got into a fight then he came home and told me what happened. Like an idiot, I didn’t believe him and stayed with Jace. But then Ash caught him again and recorded everything…I couldn’t deny the evidence.”
She rested her face in her hands, the shock evident. “That piece of shit.”
“I stayed in my apartment for almost an entire month. Ash made me food and brought me groceries. Then he brought me little surprises every now and then. He really helped me a lot…”
“He sounds like a great guy.”
“He is.”
“What happened with Jace?”
“I ignored his calls for a few weeks until he came to my apartment and tried to break down the door. I returned his belongings then told him to never bother me again. Of course he denied everything, but that just pissed me off even more.”
“Did you cry?”
“No. I acted like I didn’t give a damn.”
“Good…I’m proud of you.”
“Yeah…”
She stared at me, pity in her eyes.
“I feel like I wasted so much time… If he had just broken up with me when he wasn’t happy anymore everything would have been different. I wouldn’t consider the relationship a waste of time. I would remember what he had and think of it in a fondly way. But now…I hate him. I hate myself for saying that but it’s how I feel. I hate him.”
“I hate him too. If I ever see him, I’ll kick him in the nuts.”
“Don’t bother. He isn’t worth your time.”
“Didn’t Ash get a few hits in?”
“Apparently, he slammed his skull with a beer bottle…”
Her eyes widened. “Hot damn, we have a WWF wrestler on our hands.”
I chuckled. “He can get worked up sometimes.”
“This guy has gone over the moon and back for you.”
“No, he’s just a nice guy.”
She snickered. “I think he’s got the hotts for you.”
“When we first met, he hit on me at a bar and asked if I wanted to head back to his place.”
“And you said no?” She looked at me like I was crazy.
“That’s not my style and you know it,” I said. “Instead, we’ve become friends. But he said he wouldn’t mind it if we were fuck buddies too.”
“Then why aren’t you…?”
“Because he’s my friend.”
“Look, you were in a relationship for two years and that ended in flames. You’ve only been with Jace since I can remember. It’s time to live it up, you know what I mean?”
“We’ve only been broken up for a month and a half and you want me to start dating?”
“Who said anything about dating? Just go out and have fun. Sleep around. Make out with a random stranger. Just relax.”
She was always the party animal, not me. But I was at a point in my life where I doubted the purpose of relationships. They seemed to be important during times of financial hardships for women, and when the population needed to grow. But now…what purpose did they serve? People just ended up hurting each other anyway. One out of every two marriages ended in divorce.
“Come on. Go out with me and just let loose. You’re so hot, Alaska. The guys will be giving you the deed to their house just for a date. Believe me. They do it to me all the time.” She winked.
I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. I was still in my moping around the house phase. “I’ll think about it.”
“Nope. It’s happening. Deal with it.”
There was no arguing when it came to my sister.
I’d been single for two months. Two months had come and gone and I was still upset. I didn’t miss Jace. The longer we were apart, the more I realized how wrong our relationship was. He didn’t treat me with any respect whatsoever. While I loathed him, I also doubted myself.
Was there something wrong with me? Scotty was in love with Livia. Why couldn’t Jace be in love with me? Was I lacking in some area? Was I not pretty enough? Did I suck in bed? What did I do to deserve this betrayal?
I hated to admit it, but the break up with Jace took a toll on my confidence. I shouldn’t let it affect me but it did. How could he treat me like scum unless I really was scum?
My sister was dragging me out tonight and I was supposed to meet her at the bar in fifteen minutes but I still stood in front of the mirror, trying to figure out what to wear. I decided on a gold dress because it highlighted my skin tone. Gold bangles were on my wrist and I wore black pumps.
But I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was used to wearing my sweatpants all day long. I couldn’t remember the last time I actually tried not to look hideous. The dress was slightly loose around my stomach from the weight I lost during my depression. It was an accidental side effect. I didn’t mean to lose any weight. My chest was already flat as it was.
When I decided that dwelling on my imperfections would just make me later, I grabbed my clutch and stepped out my door.
Ash was outside his door, taking out the garbage. He froze when he saw me. His eyes quickly took me in, starting from my toes and to my face. His eyes were wide like orbs. “You look…where are you going?” He cleared his throat.
I stepped closer to him, feeling wobbly on my heels. “I look ridiculous, huh?” I looked liked a girl that was trying too hard. Loser was written all over my forehead.
“No…” He shook his head. “Definitely not.”
I gripped my clutch as I felt my calves and ass burn from standing in the heels.
“You look…gorgeous.”
“Really?” I looked down at myself again.
“Yeah. A million bucks.”
“Thanks…”
“So, where are you off too?” He left the garbage by the door and came closer to me.