But she didn’t come.
Now in the damp forests of a Siberian Work Zone, Anna shook her head sadly. ‘I was foolish. I wouldn’t let it go. So when the woman who had taken me in suddenly died – she was trampled by a bull when I was twenty-one – I spent a time grieving for the stern old vixen. Then I took the small amount of money she left me in her will, bought myself a train ticket and travel permit and went in search of Maria. It took me months to get a seat on a train, but finally I travelled back to Leningrad.’
Sofia was honing Anna’s axe, squatting down among the wood-chippings with a flat stone in front of her, keeping down below the eyeline of the guards. Anna was leaning back against a tree trunk, each breath wheezing as she spoke.
‘Don’t talk, Anna. Rest your poor lungs.’
‘No, you must know this. For when you go.’
She didn’t say where, just go. It wasn’t something they talked about, but they both knew it would be soon.
‘Very well, tell me,’ Sofia said, one eye on the nearest guard. His back was turned to them for the time being.
Anna sighed with satisfaction. ‘I found the house.’
She stopped as if that were enough, and when Sofia looked up she saw Anna’s eyes had closed, her thin chest struggling. Her lips were turning blue. Quickly Sofia drew from her pocket her last small scrap of black bread, crushed with the pulp of pine seeds from the forest floor.
‘Here, chew on this.’ She pushed it between her friend’s lips.
Anna took it and chewed, until eventually she dragged a shallow breath into her lungs and then another. Slowly the rhythm returned.
‘I found the house in Liteiny district,’ Anna whispered, ‘the one where Maria’s brother, Sergei Myskov, and his wife, Irina, lived. It was only round the corner from the tap factory.’ She paused, resting a moment, her sunken blue eyes on Sofia’s face. ‘I remembered the iron staircase and the kolodets, a courtyard with a well at its centre. And there was a lion’s head carved above the archway. It frightened me when I was young.’
‘You two!’ The guard had caught sight of them. ‘Get back to work.’
‘Da,’ Sofia called out, ‘right away.’ She started to move, as if to do as ordered, and the guard turned away.
‘Anna, there’s no time now and you’re not-’
But Anna seized Sofia’s wrist. Her grip was still strong. ‘Listen to me. It’s important. You must remember this, Sofia. It will help you.’
Sofia lifted her hand to wipe the sweat from her friend’s gaunt face, but Anna swept it aside impatiently. The flash in her blue eyes reminded Sofia of the old Anna.
‘I’m fine,’ Anna hissed. ‘Just listen.’
Sofia laid aside the axe and crouched beside her, attentive.
‘By the time I found the apartment building it was raining. I was wet through but I barely noticed, I was so excited at the prospect of seeing Maria again after nine years. When I knocked, the door to the apartment on the first floor was opened by a youth with wavy brown hair and ears that stuck out like a baby elephant’s. I recognised him at once.
‘“Sasha?” I gasped. It was Sasha, Irina’s son. He was about eleven then. “I’m a friend of your Aunt Maria.”
‘“Tiotya Maria doesn’t have friends.”
‘What did he mean? Why didn’t Maria have friends?
‘“Where does she live now, Sasha?”
‘“Here.”
‘“Here?” This was too easy. “May I come in and see her?”
‘He stepped back and called over his shoulder, “Tiotya Maria, a visitor for you.”
‘“Who is it, Sasha?”
‘It was Maria’s voice. I rushed into the room and a pale-faced woman with white hair was sitting in a chair by the window. It was a much older Maria, but still my dearest governess.
‘“Maria,” I breathed, “it’s me.”
‘A tremor ran through the silent figure, then tears started to slide down her cheeks.
‘“My Anna,” she sobbed, and the fingers of one hand clawed at the air to draw me to her chair.
‘I clasped my arms around her neck, while she touched my wet hair and murmured soft words against my cold skin.
‘“Why didn’t you come?” I whispered the words. “I waited for you.”
‘Maria placed a shaky hand over her eyes. “I couldn’t.”
‘“Why didn’t you write?”
‘“Aunt Maria had a stroke.” It was Sasha’s voice. I had forgotten he was even still in the room. “It happened when she was tortured.”
‘My thoughts beat panicked wings in my head. White hair? Maria could not be more than forty. Why white hair? Her eyes were still beautiful, still luminous brown, but over them hung a veil, gossamer-fine, and behind it lay a world of bafflement and confusion. And she hadn’t risen to her feet to greet me. It all made agonising sense.
‘“Oh Maria, my poor dearest Maria. Why didn’t you ask your brother Sergei to write to me? I’d have come…”
‘Maria’s eyebrows gathered in a lopsided frown and she murmured, “Hush.” She glanced quickly in Sasha’s direction and then back again to my face. “It’s not important.”
‘“Of course it’s important. I would have taken care of-”
‘“No, no, not you, Anna Fedorina,” Sasha interrupted roughly. “My parents would never have written to you or wanted you in this house.” He stood with his hands on his hips and his chin jutting forward. “Aunt Maria suffered the stroke when she was tortured on account of her connection with your family, with you and your father and your father’s friends. I grew up on the story of how her hair turned white overnight in the prison cells. Your father was declared a Class Enemy and-”
‘“Shut up!” I shouted.
‘“Leave us, Sasha,” Maria moaned. “Please.”
‘He glared at me for a long moment before marching out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Quiet settled after that. Maria dismissed my apologies for what she’d suffered, so instead I kissed her, told her I loved her and would take care of her now that I had found her again. I made us tea from the samovar in the corner of the cramped room, then I pulled up a stool and told tales of my long years in Kazan. As the daylight started to fade from the room, I risked the question that burned inside me.
‘“Did you ever hear what happened to Vasily?”
‘Maria laughed, soft and low like in the old days. “How you worshipped that boy! You used to trail round after him like a little shadow. Do you recall how you used to make him dance with you? Or maybe you’ve forgotten that.”
‘“No, I haven’t forgotten.”
‘“And he adored you.” She chuckled again. “He came looking for you, you know.”
‘“When? When did he come?”
‘“I’m not sure, I can’t… Think, stupid brain, think.” Maria rapped her knuckles against her own forehead. “I forget everything now.”
‘I stroked the skin soothingly. “It’s all right, there’s no rush. Take your time. Can you remember what he looked like?”
‘The crooked mouth smiled its crooked smile. “Oh yes, he was tall. Grown into a man.”
‘“And still as handsome?”
‘“Yes, still as handsome. He came twice and told me he’d changed his name for safety.”
‘“To what?”
‘Again the look of bewilderment.
‘“Did you tell him where I was, Maria?”
‘“No, my love, I’m sorry. I couldn’t remember where you were.”
‘“Was he… disappointed?”
‘“Oh yes. That’s why he came twice. To see if I had remembered.” Tears filled her eyes. “But I couldn’t.”