"I'm sorry, Dex. I figured you probably didn't want to talk to him," I rushed out.
Still, he said nothing and guilt pricked my tummy.
"I'm sorry for doing it. If he calls again I'll—"
"No," he breathed. "No. You did the right thing. I don't wanna talk to him."
I nodded while we looked at each other. God, I really hated the awkwardness between us. Hated it. Dex had been my friend—was my friend. One of the only people I truly valued and trusted, and my idiocy had messed that up. Then his temper had stomped it down afterward. Why the hell did I hold onto these friggin' grudges with Dex?
Life was too unpredictable to stay pissed off. I'd hate to wake up and not have him anymore and stress that I'd never get to tell him I was sorry. That was something I would never want to live with.
If he didn’t like me, then he wouldn’t give a shit what happened to me, right? And the fact that he’d gotten so mad...well, it was a compliment I’d just been too stubborn to accept. I’d lived in the shadow of a man who really didn’t give a flying crap about me. What the hell was there for me to complain about? What was there for me to be so scared of? Caring and being attracted to a big shit of an asshole that had a barely controlled temper?
I could do so much worse.
So, shit. I needed to be an adult and bust out the big girl panties even if it killed my pride a little.
"Look, I'm sorry that I went to Busty's. It was stupid but I was upset. I've been an inconvenience to people most of my life. My grandma went bankrupt paying for—," I hissed. That wasn't where I wanted to go with the conversation. "Things for me and I hated it. I don't ever want to feel that way again and ever since I lost my job in Florida, I feel like I’m reliving that.
"You have no idea how much it sucks to have to rely on other people for everything." I rubbed my forehead and looked down. "I'm sorry that I put you guys in that situation. If it would've gone wrong, then I'm sure the blame would have been on you, especially since Sonny left you in charge of me like I'm a kid."
My hands had started shaking just a little bit as I spoke. "I care about you a lot, you big jerk, and you hurt my feelings. So I'm sorry that I made you mad and made you worry, but I'm not sorry that I told you to ef yourself, okay? You deserved it."
I didn't expect an answer, and I didn't exactly wait for one either. I shot him an anemic grin that was half-hearted at best and went back to work.
My hands shook the entire time.
~ * ~ *
"Baby."
"Baby."
I felt myself being moved, being pushed so that my face pressed against the back cushions of the couch I'd been sleeping on for the last week and a half. A big, warm body slowly curled up behind me, sliding an arm around my waist.
"Dex?" I asked him in a hoarse voice, cracking my eyes open in the dark room. I must have been asleep for a long time by how dry my voice sounded.
"Yeah," he muttered against my ear. The hand that had been over my hip slid up to touch my cheek with soft fingertips.
I looked over my shoulder at him, trying to blink back sleep. "What are you doing?"
Because really? What was he doing? Even after I'd apologized for something that wasn't entirely my fault, he'd kept giving me the silent treatment at the shop, on the ride home, and for the thirty minutes we'd been around each other as we ate dinner on the couch. Dick. The last thing I'd expect was for him to crawl onto the couch with me in the middle of the night ready to spoon.
Not that I should complain, but still.
Dex shifted his hips until my bottom sat right against his groin. "Can't sleep," he whispered for some reason. I couldn't be sure but I thought that he might have pressed his lips to my ear. "I've been a shit, babe."
Oh lord, I wanted to answer back sarcastically but I kept myself from doing it. I also had to keep myself from telling him to get off the couch. Which was stupid because the alarms in my head were going off, telling me this closeness was a terrible idea.
Then again, hadn’t I left my sanity in Florida? My sanity and my friggin’ brain.
"I know I'm an asshole, babe. You know I'm an asshole." Dex punctuated each statement by moving his fingertips from my ear to my chin. "’Specially when I’m pissed." He dotted the ends of his sentences with sighs like the admission was painful or awkward for him, and I'm sure it was. The number of times he'd apologized in his life had to be as small as the number of guys I'd kissed.
He smoothed his finger down the curve of my ear. "I don't know what the hell I'm doin' with you, you know that?"
Oh boy.
I shifted my head to look at him over my shoulder. "Me neither, Dex."
The look on his face was smooth and as open as I'd ever seen. He ran his fingertip around my ear again, pulling goose bumps onto my arms. He repeated the motion a few times, his breath heavy on my neck.
"Baby, you make me wanna kill every fuckin' guy that looks at you. You know what that's like?"
I remembered how awful I felt seeing him with his arm around the redhead. Ugh. I felt honest enough in that moment to nod.
He slipped a hand over my neck, palming it with the full length of his big palm. "My goddamn head hurt when you said that shit-head put his mouth on you. And you know what I couldn't quit thinkin' about? How much that sonuva bitch would’ve loved to hurt you to get back at the Club and your pa, baby.
"When you told me that you went to Busty's...I lost my damn mind." Dex ran a finger over the corner of my mouth, drawing me into a deep daze that had nothing to do with sleep. "I'm sorry I yelled at you like that. Sorry I hurt you, too. If somebody else would’ve done the shit I did to you, I'd cut their fuckin' tongue out, Ritz. Thought for sure Lu was gonna do that to me after you walked out," he chuckled darkly.
Dex let out another sigh, settling in so close he was like a human blanket. "I fuck everythin' in my life up. Always have. But I like to learn from my mistakes and fix 'em. Should’ve said somethin' to you back at Pins tonight when you talked to my pa but I couldn't. I got a hard time gettin' over people lyin' to me, babe, but you doin' that shit and Liam showin' up just about gave me a stroke. Then you go off and watch out for me with my pa, and tell me you think that everybody thinks of you as an inconvenience. It kinda kills me."
Damn it.
It was my turn to sigh into the sofa cushion smashing my face so that I wouldn't make an embarrassing noise. "I get it—but getting yelled at like that was so embarrassing."
He groaned this sound that was pure guilt. "Yeah, I know.”
I didn’t say anything, earning a low grumble.
“Won’t do it again," he added in that silky voice that wasn’t accustomed to apologies.
“I think you’ve said that before.”
The same sound made its way out of him. “Babe, I’ll try my best as long as you don’t lie to me again.”
His damn honesty got me every single time. I sighed a little more exaggerated than what was necessary, remembering the callous tone he’d used. "You sounded like you hated me," I admitted, pushing my face deeper into the sofa back.
Dex's hand reached up to pull me back, tipping my face over to see his. His gaze was strong, intent. "Don't ever think that. I might get pissed and I might take shit out on you but that—never. Never fuckin' ever, you hear me?"
His face was solemn and honest. Truth stamped onto the lines of his lips and the placement of his eyelids.
"I looked all over the city for you, Ritz. You think I'd do that for anybody else?"