What? Why was he shaking his head? Were they not there?
After a second I realized that look on his face wasn’t because they weren’t home.
“No.” I said softly.
“Oh, good, you got the door.” Madison reached for the screen porch door.
“Madison,” Del said softly. “Don’t go in there.”
“Why not? I have to go in,” Madison said as if he were silly. “I have to see if they left word.”
“They didn’t.”
“I don’t understand,” Madison said. “It’s cold, step aside.”
“Madison please.” He held out his hand to her. “Don’t go in.”
“Are they there?”
“They are there.” He lowered his head.
“Then I need to go in.” She rushed inside.
Del raised his eyes, they were glossed over. Immediately my insides shook and a sickening knot formed in my stomach.
“No,” I said.
Del nodded.
I backed up and a range of emotions swept up my body causing a burning sensation in my chest. I wanted to vomit. My heart broke for Madison. How did it happen? Del had just seen them. They were fine. Madison was so hopeful and optimistic. It couldn’t be. No way.
Maybe he was mistaken, maybe he was wrong maybe they were sleeping… I thought, staying positive, until I heard the long, gut wrenching cry from Madison.
A single scream that was mixed with a sob deep from the soul. That scream said more than any words, it struck more than any physical blow. I knew at that instant, her journey had come to an end… Madison’s family was dead.
TWENTY-EIGHT - XOLOTI
Sorry wasn’t enough. There wasn’t a strong enough word in the English language to describe what I wanted to convey to Madison. The last thing I wanted to do was go into the house and see, but I had to, for Madison I had to go in there.
Without a doubt, I believed Bruce was waiting for her. Madison was absolutely correct when she said he was resourceful. He had a plan.
He sealed off the living room, lined it with insulation and built an impressive wood burning heater. He created a vent system using a hose that went to the hole in the window.
But something went wrong. Something very simple went awry.
It was a heartbreaking scene. Bruce was on the reclining chair with a blanket and the two boys were on the sofa. Each taking an opposite end. All of them looked peaceful, as if they were sleeping. Eyes closed, resting position, completely unaware that every breath they took was killing them. The house was cold and their bodies were frozen, they weren’t decomposed and looked unlike any bodies we had seen.
From what Del and I determined, the back hose on the makeshift heater was knocked off and Bruce and the boys passed away in their sleep, more than likely from carbon monoxide poisoning.
The cat, we believed was the culprit. It was the only explanation because Bruce and the boys were across the room from the heater and the gray and white cat lay dead a few feet from it.
It was hard to believe that someone could be so meticulous about the room and have a faulty hose.
Bruce knew what he was doing. He just didn’t expect for the family pet to knock it off.
What made the scene even more devastating were the pictures and notes that the boys had made for Madison. They were waiting on her, ready to greet her.
They did so in a way unimaginable.
“I’m sorry. I am so sorry,” I tried to console Madison. It was impossible. After a few minutes she asked to be alone. It worried me and I even expressed that to her. She simply told me she wanted to say goodbye and get a few things. Some pictures, items that she knew she’d never see again otherwise.
Del and I retreated to the Humvee.
“If she does anything drastic,” Del said. “It’s her choice. I know what she’s going through.”
We filled the tank with gas, and left the Humvee running while we rested.
Eventually Madison joined us. She had a knapsack full of items. Things she didn’t share, but said she would one day. She cried a lot, it was understandable.
Repeatedly she said, “How can I even bury them? The ground is frozen. I can’t just leave them in there to rot.”
“We’ll figure something out. We will,” I said. I knew what she meant. Funerals were closure, a way to say goodbye, a finale.
I didn’t have that for my sister. I merely held her decomposing hand and left her in the rubble.
There was guilt over that, so I understood why Madison was upset about it. It was a ritual and a sign of respect.
She had a drink then, emotionally spent, she rested her head on Del’s shoulder and fell asleep.
When I saw she was sleeping, I closed my eyes and reclined back in my seat.
I don’t know how long I was out, but it wasn’t a dream that woke me. It was heat.
I was sweating.
I felt it first, then noticed the brightness against my eyelids. Panicked, I jumped up believing something was wrong with the Humvee and saw that the interior of the Humvee was illuminated by a bright orange hue.
“Del,” I called to him as my eyes shifted out the window.
He groaned then said, “Why is it so hot? Turn down the heat.”
“It’s not the car.” Then I did something I didn’t expect to, I shut off the engine. There was no need to have it running.
The fire not only lit up the entire area, but heated it as well.
Madison stood in her yard a distance from the house. She stood as if she had taken command of the situation. A silhouette against the backdrop of the flames.
I opened the door and stepped out. It wasn’t cold, the heat blasted me and I walked to her.
The entire home was engulfed. It was an inferno.
“Hey,” I said softly.
“I needed a way to say goodbye. My farewell,” she said, her eyes not leaving the house. “Was I wrong?”
“No. Not at all.”
“It was cold, Lace. The car was freezing up even with the heat on,” she said. “We would have died, too. I know it. I felt it. Now I’m not cold. Bruce died trying to keep everyone warm. Now he keeps us warm. I can feel it.”
“I do, too.”
She grabbed hold of my arm, clutched it and leaned against me. Madison didn’t move, she just watched the flames.
Like a Viking funeral, the home was Bruce’s ship and she lit it aflame. In her own way, she gave Bruce and the boys a send off she believed they deserved.
NOTEBOOK – Day Twenty-Eight
Please be alive. Please be alive. Please.
Twenty-nine – Frozen
There was a point in our journey, it came about an hour and a half into our trek across Ohio, a point where I wanted to stop.
Madison bravely got back in the Humvee. She spoke very little, but her words made an impact. “You know, I knew,” she said. “I knew the second everything happened that I would never see my family again. Despite what I said, how I acted, I knew. Yet, I allowed myself, at the very end to believe they were alive. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.”
“You did see them again.” Del said. “Maybe not how you wanted it, not how it should have been, but you saw them. You are remarkable and braver than I am. I couldn’t even go in my house. You said goodbye to your family. I feel horrible that I played a part in getting your hopes up.”
“No,” Madison shook her head. “I would have felt optimistic each mile we drove and the closer we got.”
It was that point when my foot slowly depressed the brake.
“What’s wrong?” Madison asked.
“Let’s just stop. Let’s go south. I can’t do this.”
“Are you kidding me?” Madison asked. “You’ll go forward.”
“I can’t face it. I’d rather not know than see them…’