Ugh. Right. This shit is so scripted, and scene number one requires some salivating over the girls. Of course. “Hey, Hudson!” I call out, and Royce dutifully excuses himself from the blow-up twins and jogs over with his beer. “Let’s do this shit.”
We let Chuck position us at the bar, and I’m grateful Royce isn’t drunk or high enough yet to laugh through this entire thing. The last thing I wanna do is multiple takes. They flip on our mics, get the cameras rolling, and…
“Dude. Vanessa’s looking pretty hot tonight,” Royce says, just as he’s been instructed. “You gonna tap that?”
“Of course not.” Tonight, I’ll be playing the role of Josh the Chivalrous. “She has a boyfriend.”
“Her boyfriend’s not here.” He takes another drink from his bottle, and I know the cameras are focusing on the sleazy way he smiles around it. “Go for it, man. I’ll take her friend. She’s pretty hot.”
I glance over at Mini-Jade. She’s a little too Punk Rock Chick for my taste, but apparently she’s been hiding some great tits. “I’d like to see you try.”
“I will if you will.” He drains the bottle, puts it down on the bar. “Come on — everyone knows you guys have been all over each other on the Daylight Falls set.”
That’s our job, I know I should say, but the truth is, on set, when she was kissing me, digging her nails into my shoulders, it sure as hell felt like she was pretty into it. She’s not a bad kisser, either. She may be annoying, and it’s completely ridiculous that she still lives with her parents, and I’m almost positive she’s a virgin, but if she did wanna get sloppy and make out a little tonight, I wouldn’t say no.
My eyes shift from Mini-Jade’s tits back over K-drama’s legs before returning to Royce. “Dude,” I say instead, because I don’t really feel like getting into all the Vanessa shit. Plus, Chuck’s already given me my transition out, much as it makes me wanna hurl. “Shannah’s coming tonight. She’d go nuts.”
“Oh, yeah,” Royce says dully. For a guy who pretty much carries a successful movie franchise, he can’t deliver five stupid scripted lines for shit. Makes sense, I guess, since he’s used to playing a zombie. “Uh, we should at least go say hi.” As if Vanessa and I both chose to come to this absurdly shitty club independently. What a coincidence!
I glare at Chuck until he has the cameras cut so I can get a fucking drink before they follow us over to flirt with the girls. As I wait for my Jack and Coke, I look over and see that there are already a few guys gathered around the table, hitting on both girls and trying to get them to dance. One guy picks up his shirt; I’m pretty sure he’s asking K-drama to autograph his abs.
What a fucking tool.
She’s laughing, though. Mini-Jade isn’t quite as amused; clearly her mother has her trained to be a possessive pit bull around her clients. Or at least one client. Funny how she always seems to be babysitting K-drama. I wonder who’s watching Zander tonight.
I expect the guys to bolt at the sight of us when we approach with our drinks, but the guy with his shirt up just nods and says, “Hey, Chester, Hudson,” as if he knows us. If I’m supposed to recognize him from somewhere, I definitely don’t. Normally I’d just ignore him, but I’m on camera and feel like teaching him a lesson in being a presumptuous dick.
“Hey…you,” I say cheerfully, making patently clear I have no idea who this asshole is. Vanessa shoots me a look, but Mini-Jade cracks up, spitting out whatever she’d been drinking. I decide I might actually like her. Then I move in close enough that he has to pull back the arm he’d been using to brace himself over Vanessa’s seat, and slide in across from them, ignoring his annoyed protests completely.
“Fancy meeting you here,” I greet the girls, air-kissing with both like complete tools, as if we do this every time we see each other. Royce does the same with Vanessa, though I’m pretty sure he air-kisses with tongue.
“We heard this is the place to be,” Vanessa responds dryly. “I hope you boys are staying out of trouble.”
“Never.” Hudson’s eyes drop right back into Mini-Jade’s cleavage. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Royce.”
“Brianna.” She shakes his hand, looking like she wishes there were a bottle of hand sanitizer on the table. Good thing the girl’s not going for an acting career. “We met at Josh’s goodbye party for Ally, actually.”
No sign of recognition, but that doesn’t bother Royce. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Thanks, but I’m eighteen.”
Next to her, Vanessa laughs and takes a sip of her own drink. Then her eyes widen over the rim of her glass. “We’ve got company,” she murmurs as she puts the glass down. I know without even turning around that Shannah’s walking up to the table, yet another condition of this whole stupid night.
“God, this is so many kinds of hilarious,” Brianna says from behind her hand. Then she pulls a pen out of I don’t even know where and scribbles on a napkin, We should be having way more fun with this.
I raise an eyebrow and grab the pen; all our mics are still on. I don’t think your mother would like that, Mini-Jade.
She rolls her eyes, just as I hear Shannah coo, “Hey, Josh.”
Turning, I see Shannah’s not alone. How she managed to get two more of her stupid friends to join in for this train wreck, I don’t even know, but there they are — Kaia Daniels, who’s fresh off a stupid lip-synching scandal on American Idol, and Natasha Rivers, who once gave me surprisingly good head in an alley about a mile from here. “Ladies.”
I’m pretty sure Natasha’s eyeing me and considering a repeat performance — to which I definitely would not object — but then Shannah crosses her arms and says, “Didn’t think I’d see you here with her,” jutting her chin at K-drama like she’s caught me cheating.
“We just bumped into each other,” Vanessa says in the fake-innocent voice she uses as Bailey on the show. “The guys were just offering to buy us drinks. I’m sure they’d be happy to grab you something.”
“Make sure mine has cherries with stems,” Brianna adds, giving Royce a flirty smile. “I’m a little rusty on that whole ‘tying a knot with my tongue’ thing, but I wouldn’t mind the practice.”
Royce bows as he gets up to follow orders, as if she hadn’t shot him down just two minutes earlier. Can’t blame him for playing along. On top of the great tits, she and K-drama are also clearly pissing the crap out of the other girls.
“Who are you?” Kaia sniffs at Brianna.
“Me? I’m Josh’s tailor.”
If I’d been drinking anything at that moment, I would’ve choked.
“Excuse me?”
Brianna shrugs. “Yeah, ya know, if he pops a button or something, he needs me here to fix it. What, you don’t have one?”
Kaia eyes her weirdly, trying to figure out how to respond, as Royce shows back up, double-fisting clear drinks I’m guessing have a lot more alcohol in them than the glasses currently in front of the girls. Three cherries bob in the one he places in front of Brianna, and he winks at her and says, “Go to town. Practice makes perfect.”
She winks back as she purses her lips around the straw, and Kaia looks like she wants to shove those cherries down Brianna’s throat. Even though she herself is completely talentless and almost definitely slept her way onto Idol, nothing bothers Kaia more than other talentless people getting in her way. That I suspect Mini-Jade would’ve tossed that drink in Royce’s face if the other girls weren’t here only makes it more fun.