In the kitchen, he had her sit on a stool at the breakfast bar while he got out a pan and bacon and eggs. “How did you learn to cook?” No man had ever cooked for her.
He passed her a mug of coffee. “Mom got heavily into her charity work from an early age. She wasn’t always around a lot. And when I was a teenager I went through several years of being constantly hungry. Appetite’s a great motivator. It’s not like I can produce a gourmet meal or anything, but I can do the basics. You want a filling, sustaining meal after or before a day’s snow skiing or water skiing? I’m your man.”
I’m your man? The expression was depressingly appealing. As was the man himself.
Within a few minutes he’d carried two plates of eggs and crispy bacon to the small oak table in the breakfast nook. He sat at a right angle to her and they ate in a silence that would have been restful were it not for Meg’s regret and quiet despair about how soon this was ending.
Beyond the window, snow flakes began to drift and swirl.
She hadn’t heard a weather report in days, but Jason had spoken as though more snow was expected. “Thank you.” She stood from the table. “Now I should go.” She had to end it. The sooner the better. Drawn-out goodbyes were too hard, too painful.
“I thought your car was at the mechanic’s till tomorrow.”
That was her problem. “It is.” She caught her bottom lip in her teeth. “You could take me to Sally’s?”
Silver eyes assessed her. “Is that what you want?”
No, I want you to ask me to stay. To see where this thing we have leads. Unless this thing we have is all in my head. “Yes, it’s what I want.”
“Because from what I know of you, the things you’ve told me, the things I’ve seen, you don’t always consult your own needs.”
Meg said nothing. Was she that transparent? She did put other people’s needs ahead of her own. That was how she’d been brought up. That was what she was supposed to do, wasn’t it?
“You’ve called her?” he asked after a pause.
“Not yet.” But she would, and could only hope that Sally kept her questions to herself. For her months here she’d pretended she’d had a real marriage. Now, two days after her husband’s return, she was seeking sanctuary at her friend’s place. But fortunately, in those two months, Sally truly had become a friend.
“What does staying at Sally’s achieve?”
Couldn’t he just let it go? She sighed and tried to keep her voice neutral. “Distance. Perspective. It gives you your home and your life back.” But mainly, it would stop her doing dumb things like watching his hands as he held his fork or his cup and remembering the feel of those hands on her.
Luke looked toward the window but said nothing.
Meg paused at the doorway. “I’ll need an hour to gather up all my things from around the house and finish packing.”
He gave a single abrupt nod and she left the room. It was easy enough to pack up her clothes and belongings from the master bedroom, but she took her time, folding slowly, uncharacteristically uncertain about how best to pack her bags. In the wardrobe, she let herself touch Luke’s suits, his sweaters. Beside the bed, she straightened the fishing magazine and the book that she’d left all this time on the bedside table. She’d read the book-a thriller-her first month here. Imagining a connection with him as she did so. Her fingers turning the same pages his had.
She lingered in front of the wide window. Its view over the lake had always brought her a measure of serenity. It didn’t today. Today, the dark turbulent sky matched the oppression she felt.
She finished in the bedroom but needed to check the rest of the rooms. Over the months she’d lived here, she’d managed to spread herself and her bits and pieces throughout the house. She’d have to do a room-by-room search.
At the door to the library, she paused, not sure she wanted to face the scene of last night’s…encounter. She toyed with the idea of just buying a new book to replace the half read one she’d left in there, then decided she was being ridiculous. She was a grown woman, for goodness’ sake. She pushed open the door and stepped inside.
Luke sat on the couch, a sheaf of hand-written papers on his lap, his long denim-clad legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. He looked up as she entered and the memories came flooding back.
Memories of sights; shadows and contours, and scents; his shampoo, his sweat, the essence of Luke himself and sensation; frantic hands, warm lips on skin, desperate longing and utter completion filled her mind. Images of her own reckless abandon.
“I just,” she cleared her throat, “came to get my book.” She pointed at the book on the small table beside him. He watched her silently as she dashed forward to snatch it up and backed out of the room.
As she shut the door behind her again, she thought she heard him speak. A short phrase, too indistinct for her to make out. Show me. She was imagining things. Nothing to show. No stockings today, no red lace. White and a little lacy, with a small bow between her breasts. But mainly plain. That’s who she really was. But for a few forbidden seconds she imagined the things she could wear for him if- She cut off her own thoughts. No ifs. No maybes. They’d had an agreement. She’d lived up to her part of it. And now she was going. Last night was…a bonus. Such an inadequate word. A night’s insight into a world of possibilities, of pleasure and promise and wholeness.
Ten minutes later he found her on the stairway, strode up to meet her and took her case from her hand. He carried it down, set it by the Christmas tree in the entrance. “There’s more?”
“One.”
She followed him up to the bedroom. Her second case, bulging and heavy, sat at the base of the bed. He looked about the room, his gaze sweeping from the bed to her face. “I’ll think of you when I’m sleeping in here.”
“Don’t, Luke.”
“Don’t think of you when I’m sleeping in here? Or don’t tell you that I will?”
“Don’t…tell me.” It was only fair that he think of her; she’d thought of him often enough as she’d lain there, and knew she would think of him still wherever she went next. For a time at least. But time healed all, dulled memories and yearnings. Eventually she’d forget him. Forget last night. Move on. She had to.
“I spoke to Mark this morning.”
The simple statement doused the recollections. Mark was his attorney as well as his friend. “And?”
“And he’s coming round tomorrow morning. But he said, whatever we do, we shouldn’t sleep together.” His lips twitched.
How could he think this was funny? But his amusement called a response from her, a spark of un-Meg-like mischief. Mark would surely be appalled at how incautious their actions had been. “Did you tell him?”
Luke shook his head. “Didn’t want to spoil his weekend. I’ll tell him tomorrow.”
“It won’t make a difference, you know.” She wanted Luke to know that. “I don’t want anything from you. I never did. The fact that we slept together doesn’t change that.”
“Nothing, Meg?” He picked up her case as though it was weightless. “When you have money, it seems everyone wants something from you. It’s hard to believe that there are people who really don’t.”
Maybe he wouldn’t truly believe that till she walked away from him.
“Even my mother. She only approved of me and what I did because it meant I could donate money to her causes. And maybe she was right.”
“That wasn’t the only reason she approved of you. She loved you.”
“I’m sure she did.” He spoke without conviction.
“She couldn’t not have.” Meg spoke with more vehemence than she’d meant to. She half loved him herself and she’d known him only a whisper of time.
Luke’s eyebrows lifted. And Meg regretted the intensity of her words. Did they reveal too much? Too much of what? She couldn’t even say herself. Her feelings, her heart, were galloping ahead to places her mind knew they shouldn’t. They’d passed like, and attraction, passed fascination and warmth, were mired in enthrallment, a deep drugging spell of connection and wanting and rightness. But she wouldn’t let it be anything more than that. It was a spell that could, and would have to, be broken. Because she was leaving.