Until 1967 homosexual acts between men were illegal in Britain. (Homosexual acts between women have never been illegal because Queen Victoria refused to believe that they existed, and therefore refused to sign a law 'forbidding' them. This must have been one of the very last occasions on which a British monarch was able to interfere with British law!) In 1967, after years of campaigning, Parliament passed a law to legalise sexual acts between consenting men over 21. Only in 1999 was the law amended to allow young homosexuals the same legal rights as young heterosexuals - that is, the age of consent was lowered to 16.
How does the non-homosexual majority of the British public feel about homosexuals? The past two decades have seen a revolution in attitudes towards gay and lesbian relationships. According to the British Social Attitudes surveys which are the most widespread and long-lasting studies of changing social attitudes in the country, in 1987 75% of people thought homosexuality was always or mostly wrong. But in 2008 fewer than one in five (17%) now believe homosexual relationships are always wrong, while half of those surveyed regard them as rarely or never wrong.
During this last decade much has happened to explain this change in public attitudes. During the late 1990s, several Members of Parliament declared that they were homosexual. At first this still seemed in the popular imagination to be a kind of confession about something that was 'partly wrong'. But as year followed year in the first decade of the twenty-first century, openly gay members of Parliament were appointed to various Ministries. Nothing terrible happened. Some of them were good ministers, others were not so effective - just like their heterosexual colleagues.
Similarly there was much opposition from senior military officers to accepting open homosexuals in the military forces. Then Parliament passed a law insisting that gay men had the right to serve their country by joining the army, the RN (the navy) or the RAF (the air force). There has been no trouble as a consequence of this law.
In 2005, homosexual couples were given the right to form 'Civil Partnerships', akin to marriage for heterosexual couples. Since then, thousands of gay and lesbian couples have committed themselves to civil partnerships (which involve certain legal responsibilities to each other). The arrival of this law, with widespread reporting in the media of many happy homosexual couples entering into civil partnerships and looking remarkably like happy heterosexual couples entering into marriage, also affected public attitudes. It is probably true that today the only people who are firmly against homosexuals hold such views because of their religious beliefs. Religious beliefs that seek justification in the Old Testament, for example, are difficult to challenge. However, many clergy from the Church of England and other Protestant groups are willing to pronounce a blessing on these partnerships, should the couple wish for some religious acknowledgement of their relationship.
Despite these changes, there is plenty of evidence that young adolescents who are or who are thought to be gay suffer much teasing and sometimes bullying at school. Hence the difficulties and fears that many of them face in explaining to their families and friends that they are different from most of their peers; they are not going to fall in love with someone of the opposite sex but with someone of the same sex.
And how will their parents react? Sometimes with love, sympathy and concern; sometimes with bewilderment or guilt; occasionally with anger and outrage. Stella's response is typical of mothers in the first group; those mostly with a good education and a wide experience of life. Even among angry or disappointed parents, the reaction is unlikely to go as far as that of 'enlightened' people fifty years ago, who suggested that homosexuals should first undergo therapy and 'treatment' to change their natures, before being permitted to 'give way' to their impulses. Jake's account of what he feels - that he has no choice, that this is who he is - seems to be the most common way in which gay people describe their own experience of recognising their sexuality.
The story of Holly is partly about religion, partly about friendship. In Britain as elsewhere there are teenagers like Holly who feel strongly that something is missing from their lives until they 'find religion'. This phrase is usually used disparagingly but in fact it describes quite closely what happens. Holly has never been taken to church, and has probably entered a church building only a few times in her life - to admire the architecture or as part of a history lesson. Then, at a lonely time in her adolescence, she meets an active, friendly group of people who are attached to a particular church. I mean this in two senses: they are attached to a particular denomination (type) of Christian belief and worship, and they are attached to a particular parish church with its own welcoming priest or minister. (The same thing happens for young Muslims, although almost all of them will be familiar with their local mosque.) Holly finds the group immensely supportive. She wants to commit herself to a serious belief, and she wants to be useful to the world. Through her religion she can satisfy both feelings.
Other teenagers who cannot find a circle of friends at school search for groups with similar interests: in special sports, in politics, in role-playing games, in the outdoor world observing animals and birds. Most of these groups are self-forming, with no adult to play an essential role although there are always adults to advise and help. I am often asked about Scouts and Guides, organisations that cater chiefly for younger teenagers. They provide much happy and satisfying activity for thousands of our children, but they are less appealing to teenagers as they grow older and become more sceptical about authority. The attraction of informal and wide-ranging associations is that the members learn how to organise themselves and how to develop their interests. They become self-directed, along with their friends.
This is why Stella and Dave worried about Holly's new commitment to religion : for them it meant that she was looking not only for guidance, but for a leader. They asked themselves: Is Holly in danger of being brain-washed?
Those who are converted to Christianity as adolescents are usually attracted to one of the minority churches with a sense of mission. Catholics would not describe themselves as a minority church since theirs is the largest Christian community. But from the point of view of English non-believing adults, Catholicism is slightly 'foreign' and associated with rituals and regulations (such as the celibacy of priests) that set it apart from other versions of Christianity, and make them worry about the influence of those priests.
Many people would laugh at Stella and Dave. Religious commitment is surely good; Christians are more stable than non-Christians, and there is some evidence that on the whole they are happier. So what is the problem? Holly challenges Stella and Dave with these arguments, and her parents, whatever their private worries, recognise that Holly at seventeen has to make up her own mind about her beliefs and values.
Moreover, what is important for them is that she has friends. People need families, and they also need friends. On that, all twenty-nine people in my story would agree.
Chapter 3. Do We Throw Our Grannies Out On The Street?
When I first went to Russia more than twenty years ago, I was asked this question on two or three occasions, apparently in complete seriousness. Perhaps it was similar to questions about how we managed to live in Dickensian slums. But perhaps, behind all the stories and myths, the question made an important point. In our treatment of older people and yours there are notable differences. I try to describe them here.