“Lose me?” Embry’s eyebrows pushed into her hairline. “But you didn’t even know me.”
“I know, but—”
“But what?” All of her feelings, buried deep under her desire for him, rushed to the surface. “I was just another girl. A student. You didn’t know me, but you knew I was a student.”
“I know.”
“And you’re a professor.”
“Yeah.”
“Then why? Why approach me at all?”
“Because I couldn’t stay away,” he said, scrubbing his hands down his face. His blue eyes burned bright. “Because you were never just another girl to me.”
Embry balked at his statement. She snapped her mouth shut and waited for him to elaborate.
“I was drawn to you, Bree. I wanted you from the moment I saw you.” His eyes held hers, refusing to let go. “I can’t explain it. I just knew I had to be near you.”
“But you knew I was a student.”
A crooked smile formed on his lips. “Yes, beautiful, we’ve established that.”
His endearment cut her to the core. “I just don’t get it.”
“What don’t you get?” he asked. “I was falling for you the minute I saw you.”
Throat thick with emotion, she was once again stunned into silence by his candidness. If she had any question about whether their feelings were mutual, she had her answer.
“You think I didn’t know the risk? That I didn’t think about it?” he asked. “It was all I could think about. The first time I saw you in that hallway, I cursed you in my head. I didn’t want to want you; I didn’t want this. But here we are.” Pain streaked across his face.
“Here we are,” Embry said, her voice barely audible. She remembered their first encounter in the hallway, his hesitation, the emotions that passed across his face before he could hide them.
“I planned on telling you. When I asked you to have dinner the other night, I was going to come clean, tell you everything. We’d established our feelings, and I didn’t want to keep it from you any longer. “
“But you kept it from me for over a month, Luke.”
“Do you think I wanted to lie to you? That I enjoyed it?”
She saw he was becoming frustrated, but his frustration only served to stoke the embers of her anger. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to think.”
“You wouldn’t have given me a chance, Bree.”
“How do you know?” she responded, indignation clear in her voice.
“Seriously?” He chuckled. “You’re the most determined, motivated, dedicated person I know. You were born to be an attorney, and you worked so hard to get here. If I’d told you I was a professor, I’d never have convinced you to spend time with me. I wanted you to see me, without the stupid title and school conduct code.”
Embry thought about it for a minute. As strongly as she felt for him, he was right. She never would have gone for it. But that didn’t excuse it.
He said, “Look, I know how important school is to you, and I respect that—”
“Do you, Luke? Because if you really cared, if you weren’t just thinking about yourself, you wouldn’t have put my whole future in jeopardy. You weren’t a professor - my professor - at the time, but you took away my choice in the matter.”
“I knew it was a risk,” he said quietly, “but you were worth it.”
She looked into his sad eyes, and just like that her anger dissipated. A dull ache took its place. She was upset that he had lied, but it wasn’t just to get her into bed. She knew his feelings were real. She knew because she felt the same.
“I was careful, Bree. I wasn’t even supposed to start teaching until next semester. I thought we had time. I never wanted you to find out like this.”
Tears welled in her eyes and slid slowly down her cheeks. “I just don’t get what the point of all of this was.”
“Because I need you, beautiful.” He tugged on her chin to bring her eyes to his. “I told you on Saturday that I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t have you.” He gently wiped away her tears. “I thought once you got to know me, it wouldn’t matter. I wasn’t supposed to ever be your professor. I thought we could find a way around my job. I know lying was wrong. I fucked up. But I couldn’t take the chance of letting you get away.”
Embry stared back at Luke, her Luke. She couldn’t let him go either; she just didn’t want to deal with the hurt anymore. She wanted to feel something good. Reaching out, she grabbed his face and brought his mouth to hers. Every nerve ending in her body flared to life as their lips connected. She knew he was holding back, letting her run the show. She parted her lips, allowing him access, and he slowly swept his tongue into her mouth. As he wrapped his arms around her, all of the feelings she’d been pushing down for the past week rose to the surface. Thoughts of Luke as her professor played through her head. She tried to push them away, tried to lose herself in the kiss, but it was too much. She pulled away, trying to catch her breath.
“Embry?” Luke questioned, his eyes searching.
She stared at her hands, unable to look at him.
“Hey,” he said, gently lifting her chin so their eyes met again.
“I … I can’t.” She shook her head as new tears threatened to fall.
It was Luke’s turn to be stunned into silence. She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed thickly, pain and regret painted across his face.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I know you are. I’m sorry, too. I just can’t do this.” She rose from her chair.
“Bree, wait,” he pleaded, grabbing her arm. “Look, forget about the kiss. Stay. Let’s talk this out, okay?”
She hesitated, but nodded numbly as she folded back into the chair. Luke sat quietly as if he knew she needed time to process her thoughts.
“This is why I didn’t want to talk,” she explained. “I get why you lied. I’m not happy about it, but I get it. But where does that leave us? Being angry made it easier to ignore my feelings for you. I don’t know how to do this. How to feel the way I do and pretend I don’t.”
Luke’s hand went to his neck again. “I don’t know either, but we have no choice. I put us in this position. I’ll work it out.”
“How?” Embry asked, genuinely curious as to how Luke thought they could pull it off.
“I don’t know. But I have no intention of letting this affect you. Your future is too important. We’ll do what we have to. Keep it professional. You’ll assist me with Coleman’s research, and we won’t spend time together outside of school. We’ll make it work.”
The thought of losing Luke brought back the dull ache in her chest, but they had no choice. At least with her research position, she’d get to spend some time with him. “Okay, we’ll make it work.”
“And if after …” he said quietly, looking unsure.
Warmth unfurled in Embry’s belly. He didn’t have to finish his sentence; she was right there with him. Maybe once the semester was over and he was no longer her professor, they could be together. They’d have to keep it quiet, of course, but it could work. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. She couldn’t believe she was actually thinking about having a relationship with a professor. A few months ago, she never would have entertained the possibility. Feeling the way she felt about Luke, she didn’t think she could just walk away. She snuggled into his sweatshirt and gazed out over the water. “Yeah, maybe after …”
They sat in silence until Embry became restless. Being in Luke’s presence was too easy and comfortable, and she needed to get used to not having a connection with him. She rose from the chair. “I should head out. I have some studying to do.”
Luke nodded, rising from his chair. “Okay, I’ll walk you out.”