As predicted, Dr Simons was in his room, reading the paper. As soon as he noticed me he instantly became anxious.
“Dr Simons, can I speak with you?” I whispered from the doorway.
“Yes, of course. I would like to speak with you too.”
I went in and closed the door behind me.
“Ladies first,” he said politely, closing his newspaper and putting it aside to give me his full attention.
“Dr Simons, I don’t know where to begin,” I had tears in my eyes.
“Oh dear, I don’t know much about love, but I do know that Mr Barclay loves you dearly.”
I looked up and wiped my eyes. “I know,” I replied, sobbing. “Mr Cartwright has feelings for me too, and everyone in the college seems to know that.”
Dr Simons nodded.
“But I don’t have the same feelings for him. I love James and only James, nothing can change that. Jules, Mr Kemp and the entire college all think I’m with Richard.”
“Catherine, Jules said you admitted to having feelings for Mr Cartwright.”
“Jules came to me and told me she knew everything. I thought she was talking about James so I agreed, only to realise she had been talking about Richard. I didn’t know what to say.”
“My dear girl, I am so sorry. Can I help?”
I looked at him and nodded.
“Yes… yes you can. James needs to see me with Richard, so he can see how wrong it is, and that I belong with him and no one else.”
Dr Simons started to shake his head from side to side.
“I don’t know…”
“Richard has asked me to go to Bath with him this weekend, and I have accepted. He is picking me up in the foyer this Friday at 8. You need to make sure James is here to see Richard and I leaving together.”
“Oh, this is all too exciting for me. I don’t know if I can be a part of it.”
“You have to! James will not let me go with Richard. And Richard… well, he will be OK.”
“Will he?”
“I have made no promises to him.”
“Except to spend the weekend with him! Don’t you think that means something?”
“I have no choice!” I pleaded.
“Alright, alright, please don’t get upset. I will attempt to get Mr Barclay to the main foyer at 8 o’clock this Friday evening,” Dr Simons promised.
I couldn’t contain my joy. I jumped up to hug and kiss him on the cheek.
“Thank you, thank you!”
“Don’t thank me just yet, Catherine. Let’s see how this plan of yours works first, shall we?”
“I know James will not want me to spend the weekend with Richard. He won’t have a choice but to stop it.”
“What about Jules?”
“Oh… I’m sorry, I just couldn’t tell her. I feel awful that I have kept James and I a secret for so long. I just don’t know how to tell her anymore. And besides, she is now under the impression that it’s Richard I am with.”
“Your secret is safe with me. Mr Barclay is a brilliant man and I know he loves you. I learnt that the day you went for your run and hurt your leg.”
Dr Simons paused for a moment and then continued. “Catherine, I do not completely know your story with James, and for some odd reason I sense there is an incredible story there, but I do wonder if James ending things between you was for the best.”
“What?” I was horrified.
“Please hear me out. I don’t doubt your love for each other. It’s just that Mr Barclay is a very intelligent man, and he knows what he is talking about. Have you ever considered that this may be for the best?”
“No, never! I would rather die than have a life without him.”
“Catherine, please don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth!”
“Alright, there will be no more talk of not being with Mr Barclay or dying?”
CHAPTER NINE
The rest of the week was awful. My nights were filled with perplexing nightmares. I used to take solace in my dreams of Victoria, but lately I only seem to have disturbing images of Charles Barton and a sense of Victoria’s despair and sadness. The lack of sleep, compounded by the anticipation of Friday, was taking its toll on me. I felt paranoid and suspicious. I avoided Jules and everyone else as much as I could, spending most of my spare time at the stables with the horses or sitting in my room reading. Avoiding Jules was upsetting as we had gotten very close and having to keep my love for James from her felt unfair. Not to mention that I had been dishonest to her about my relationship with Richard. I felt I had so much weight on my shoulders and at any moment everything would come tumbling down around me.
I have to see this through. My plan has to work! I will make everything right with Jules. No more lies!
The bell interrupted my heroic declaration. I knew that in just a few hours I would be seeing James and he would be seeing me with Richard. I closed my eyes to compose myself. Thankfully, my students were oblivious to my private meltdown, and carried on as they would on any other day. When my classroom was finally empty, I packed my things and headed straight for my room. If I looked the way I felt, I was sure that neither Richard, James nor even my ghost would want me.
I had become an expert at getting from my classes to my room without being spotted. As I got to my room, I locked the door and dropped my books on the desk. I sat down for a moment to catch my breath. I had only a few hours to compose myself and be ready. Exhausted and drained, I lay on my bed for a while, thinking of the days, not so long ago, that James used to lie with me. I remembered the feelings of safety and happiness that came from that. I imagined those days again and the warmth of James’s body next to mine, the sweet smell of his skin and his loving eyes watching over me. My heart was aching for all that I had lost. There were nights were we didn’t fall asleep until morning, nights spent talking about my life in Australia. He was a gentleman in every sense of the word. He was also very serious but, on rare occasions, he would reveal his humorous side; his jokes were funny because they weren’t funny. I remembered the first time I saw him at the door to my room, and the instant connection I felt. One thought continually came back to me: the mystery that I had failed to work out. It seemed like a lifetime ago when I was haunted by voices and unexplained experiences. It all seemed to end when James left me.
Was he right to leave? Was my life in danger being with him? Why? And his love for me was that so strong that he could let me go for my own well-being? I want him back!
I needed a diversion. I thought about Victoria but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do my story any justice. My feelings about Victoria were now making me feel dejected and confused, thoughts of happiness and contentment for her and Jonathon were evident, but an anxiousness about what lay ahead meant I just didn’t want to go there.
I have trusted my thoughts and dreams in the past to guide me, but now all I feel is confusion.
I got off my bed and looked at my cupboard mirror. Just as I thought, I looked as bad as I felt. I headed straight for the shower. Even though I had plenty of time I rushed it, because I just couldn’t relax.
After my shower, I gave myself a long-needed facial and blow-dried my hair. I put on a new navy wool dress that I had bought before I left Sydney. It came to just above the knee, was body hugging and it hung low on my chest. The sleeves were long, right to the palm of my hand. I put on my tan leather high-heel boots. With an hour to spare, I styled my hair, put on some natural make-up and sprayed on James’s favorite perfume. I grabbed an overnight bag but didn’t bother to put anything in it. I was confident that I was not leaving the grounds tonight. The bag was only there to add to the charade.